There should still be options as regards medications that might be of help:
Some mood stabilizers have more of an anti-depressent effect than others but only a psychiatrist would understand this in full. Trans cranial magnetic stimulation (which show far is not showing potential long term side effects on memory such as ECT) might be something to ask your psychiatrist about. If you have used all common options as regards mood stabilizers then it would be worthwhile asking for a referral to a mood disorders specialist or psychopharmocologist.
Wow, you've been brave already with the solutions you've tried. I applaud you!
Do you have someone who can work with you on the stressors in your life? Friends, professionals, members of a faith community?
iladvocate knows his pharmocology and generally gives great advice.
Hope more in the community respond today.
Hang in there, and know you are worthy,
Hello, I hate to read stories like yours because it annoys me that in the year 2011 we still have not found a solution to such resistant depression, I have felt this on a personal level, having treatment resistant depression myself for 3 years when I was younger. I was on 2 anti depressants at the same time and nothing shifted it, I was catatonic, psychotic and could not even move to go to the toilet..my psychiatrist won't give me anti d's anymore no matter how much I beg.
Sometimes it can take the right combination, but finding that has taken me years.
Am I right in thinking that your doctor is using the Geodon as an anti manic, mood stabiliser and anti d all in one?
My doctor prescibed me geodon a few years ago, and it was great during a crisis or mixed episode but it simply didn't cover the whole spectrum of symptoms seen in Bipolar.
I am a believer that as great as it would be to control this illness with one med would be great, I don't think its possible.
I think you need a mood stabiliser as well as the Geodon, I used to think the mood stabilisers only stopped the highs but I must admit they are preventing the lows for me too, or they are not lasting as long.
It is too much for the doctor to expect so much of one medicine, especially when you are so desperately low, if you were fairly stable then maybe it would work but not when you are so down.
You must feel that nothing will ever work and that this is your life now and how it will always be but it isn't! I remember that emotional pain in your head that nobody can understand or feel but it can change and will!!
Never, ever give up! Talk to us on here, there is always someone around. I wish I knew what took away the darkness for me because I would bottle it and give it to you..
Keep talking and go see your doctor!
You are so sweet. You made me cry. I really appreciate you understanding me like you did.
My life has become exactly what you said-I feel that I will be stuck like this forever. I didn't realize that a place like this existed. A place where someone understands your illness and just how festructive it is to ones life-you fon't jave one and the effect of having to live each day feeling this way without anty jope.I'm just bawling now, what a release!
Thank you so much for answering my post,
You give hope that you were able to find treatment for your depression maybe someday I will too.
I'll do whatever it takes to rebuild my life over if I could feel better.
It hurts so much to be in pain all the time.
I guess I forgot to say that I am on 300mg of Wellbutrin for my depression but it doesn't do anything to help my depression.
Never found Wellbutrin to be of any help....
Know you can rebuild your life, and have totally new adventures and happiness! Be persistent and patient...You will find answers!
I am so glad I managed to reach you on such a personal level, thats what I was hoping for, you are not alone, especially here.. I know for a fact that you have truly got to have been in that place to understand, depression is different for everyone but I recognised the place you are in and its never far from my mind, I think bipolar depression is a different kind of hell..
There is definitely hope, although I can appreciate how far out of reach that must seem, I hope by talking to us on here we can give you strength to carry on, and one day you will be able to pass that strength and experience on to another soul who is feeling so alone and desperate.
My psychiatrist doesn't believe in anti depressants for treatment of bipolar, but my previous one did. I think perhaps it is the cause of your illness that needs treating as well as the symptoms, in the form of a mood stabiliser, Geodon is not really enough by the sounds of things and it actually made me feel more depressed because of the side effects but thats the thing, one med works good for one person and not for another.
I think you need to tell your doctor how desperate and suicidal you are feeling, I know this is hard because if your anything like I was the only thing stopping me ending it all was that I was too depressed to move, to take an overdose or whatever, it was too much effort.
Ask that he review your meds as this combination is obviously not working..I think you need to get as much support as possible, emotional and practical support.
All of these things together will help, rest as much as you can, with short periods of exercise and activity, don't sweat the small stuff, look after your diet if you can, avoid alcohol and write a diary of how you feel, for your records and to show the doctor.
Finally remember we understand and are all here for you!
I am really beginning to realize after finally asking for help and get new ideas that I don't know why I have allowed this to go on for this long. I was still me 8 years ago and now I don't even recognize the person who inhabits my body. I've lost cognitive and memory that affects remebering learning that I no longer have. I have no self-esteem, I unable to do the smallest of things, I lost my ability to communicate with people. I can't think of anything that I can do other than sleep and lay in bed and zone out to the TV. Honestly, with all that I have going for me, I don't know how to get my life back if the depression stops. I'm 46 and I go day by day waiting for it all to end! Depression and all it's nasty side effects steals your life and your self that you no longer cease to exist. You said it was hell. Well believe me that somes up my life now.
I want to get better but I'm afraid I'll be lost as what do I really have? Can depression take away everything form you leaving you with nothing left to hope for? Is it possible to be how you used to be before the depression? what does it take, I've already lost my soul. Can I get it back?
I'm sorry but I am being honest about how I feel for evaeryone to see...what nthe difference anyway!
I just read at least 3 posts form people who have been struggling with depression and feel their lives have been ruined too. So should I just give up and accept my life as pathetic as it is, that has no meaning and just accept that I'm still a good person and I care about people And I believe that I am truley a good person and I'm proud of that. And just continue to be like I have been and accept my life.
Thanks for all the great advice. I will try them!
Having depression doesnt make your life pathetic. It just means you have a problem. You can see a pdoc and go through counciling and find the right meds and it can be treated. Yes depression or bipolar both well any mental problem is hard as heck. I can relate though. I dont have any motivation, I have negative thoughts about myself and my life. Ive thought about ending it. So I get it. Yes I have bipolar but thats not all I am. Its hard. It really is. Still it doesnt mean life is pathetic. Ok when your depressed you think life is lousy. I will admit that one. Anyway I hope that you are feeling ok right now. Sorry that you are dealing with this. You are not alone.