With hypomania you can control your actions to an extent, it feels impulsive like OCD, but you can control it.
However, if you're manic, you'll break completely with reality, start having delusions, hallucinations, grand plans, paranoia - you won't know anything is wrong, *until after the episode. (I'm an ultra-rapid cycler, I'd swing between all moods and the extremes and feel like a dozen different people when it was happening, I forgot all sense of who I was [because my psychotic episode lasted for 6 months!]) Once you've lost all sense of reality, you won't know until much later. And you will know, because like a bad nightmare, you slowly "wake up" from it.. it does take awhile to taper off (w/ the help of meds) because you start to realize over the course of several weeks to a month -- that everything you were doing was totally insane, that every thought you had wasn't based in reality. Or you might have evidence such as journals, diaries, or in my case texts. I texted the hell out of every person on my phone ~80,000 words, to a girl who was previously a friend of mine... but probably not any more.. Luckily I didnt send anything too offensive. (I only believed I was going to save the earth from itself and I think I fell in love with her and that was highly embarrassing) Before all this, I hardly texted, this as completely out of character. BTW, you'll have a memory of what you did and you'll probably be depressed out of your mind, for what you told people, because I lost all my boundaries. It's so embarrassing afterwards in addition to feeling suicidal lows of the accompanying swing down.
When I'm hypomanic I'm usually to happy to be irritable or angry...aggressive perhaps when people say no, but I usually relent and move on to a person who'll say yes.
In a mixed state I become irritable, angry, and aggressive. My emotions spin in circles. I go from Dr. Jeckyll to Mr. Hyde in seconds. The smallest things (like saying hi) set me off. I smash things and shout. I instigate fights...usually verbal, but I've also gone out looking to get into a brawl. My thoughts become repetitive, obsessive, and focused on the punishment or destruction of those who slight me.
Mixed states are the worst. I'd take hypomania any day, if I didn't have to pay the resulting bills. But I know that I won't have one without the other. Oh yeah, and I can do without the depression too.
Here's an anecdote of someone else I saw at a bar that just had to be manic. He was there with his brother. They weren't there long so it must have been just one drink.
He starts talking to everyone at the bar. First was a girl who he complimented how pretty she was, but then went over the top telling her what a nice chest she had.
Then he moved on to her boyfriend commenting sarcastically on his spiked hair.
Then he moved down the line to me, pulling up my shirt sleeves and telling me I had great arms and that I should show them off, while reminding the girl how nice her chest was. Man was I blushing.
Finally he moved down to a friend and commented how great his beard was. Then a second later says, you call that a beard, this is a beard, pointing to his own. He then challenged him [the friend] to wrestle to see whose beard was stronger.
At this point his brother apologizes to everyone and whisks his wild eyed charge out of the bar.
The bartender then pipes up that they hadn't paid their tab. I would have let it slide. So they come back in, brother settles up, but not without Mr. Mania pulling his junk out and slapping it on the bar.
Being whisked out once again, spiky boyfriend decides (a little too late) that he has to be a stand-up man and call the cops. The bartender pleads that he doesn't, and after a little more macho posturing he relents.
I was shocked, amused, but ultimately thought I hope I never do that.
I was quite interested to find out that a manic episode can also include extreme irritability and/or agression.
That's me - if I'm not being a total clown or totally busy, then I'm an irritable, aggressive, cursing witch.
When I'm manic.
I'm not a bad person and I recognise this bad behavious immediately and apologise for it - but I can't seem to stop what I say! It's terrible.
When I feel like that - I isolate myself (so that I don't hurt anybody's feelings) - usually sleeping it off works wonders
I believe what separated me from hypnomanic and manic is hallucinations. Looking back I can remember a manic phase but the only thing that separated me was the hallucinations I have. I was put on antidepressants and went completely cookoo. I had the repetitive thoughts, obsessions, I grinded my teeth. I never experienced that before to that extreme. My pdoc told me evan though my mania was induced by meds she still was diagnosing me with schizoeffective disorder based on the last/current episode? After having read up on it tough it fits. It is sometimes hard for me to evan distinguish between episodes because of the denial its only later that I think wow I was out of control. hypnomania and mania are hard for us all to distinguish for are selves. Evan though I was aware that I was manic I still did some dumb things. and now Im not sure but I think depression may be setting in. I'm in a mixed phase and there the worst for me. I breakdown for any type of stress my panic attacks are severe. I feel like im in h*ll. I go up and down and try to hide my feelings and they burst like a bottle.
Thanks for your reply; certainly what you describe sounds a lot like what I did, although I don't think I ever made it to full-on delusion.
Since I posted that question my diagnosis has been confirmed, as far as any such diagnosis can be in the absence of empirical tests for it. I'm now waiting for an appointment in a couple of weeks with a specialist in Bipolar, who'll be assessing me more thoroughly and planning my treatment.
I'll keep everyone here posted - almost certainly I'll have other things to ask as and when anyway! Thanks again, and wish me luck! xxx
I usually become hypomanic:
• Verbally eviscerating people for the smallest things.
• Intense goal directed social activity.
• Throwing lavish parties.
• Speech increases.
• If I haven’t been into sports lately, I become a fanatic about it, or if I have been into sports lately, I drop them to pursue other activities.
• I forget to eat, or I begin to eat very expensive foods.
• Sleep decreases.
• Spending increases.
Then I have escalated a couple of times to mania.
• Sleep is down to 1 to 2 hours a night.
• Spending becomes out of control.
• I begin to pursue buying very impractical and risky things like motorcycles; luckily I’m usually stopped.
• Speech is very pressured.
• Singing and speaking with rhyming and alliteration.
• I start traveling everywhere.
• I often become very party and nightlife focused; sometimes it’s sex focused.
• I seek out various spiritual teachers: Hindu gurus, Zen monks, Hoodoo root doctors; Catholic priests, etc.
• Finally I become delusional, thinking that my mind has special powers.
Whether hypomania or mania I then crash into a mixed state or depression. My doctor has declined to say whether I’m bipolar I or II. She just asks me how consistently I take my medication (Lamictal) and how my mood/behavior is. If I become inconsistent, I usually stop taking it altogether and start to cycle all over again.
I'm not an expert, but being Bipolar II I can tell you what I've experienced. I believe they were hypomanic episodes. I've never had the euphoric, high-energy episodes that many people have. I did display other symptoms, like spending alot of money, making impulsive decisions, being irritable and argumentative and even violent. I've thrown things at my husband, like a full bottle of soda and an onion. I put my hand through a window and hid in the backyard from the police for an hour. I'd focus on the computer, staying up until 2 am. My substance use would escalate. So my episodes were not pleasant. They were very self-destructive. And you mention obsession; I deal with this one often. And paranoia, thinking people don't like me and I'd obsess about a certain song, playing it over and over again or an actor or TV show. I used to think I couldn't be bipolar because I didn't have the pleasant energetic highs but I learned that what I had was hypomania which really stinks. I hope you find your answers.
Thanks for your reply - that's a very in-depth view, I appreciate you taking the time.
OK, so your paranoia thing is ringing bells actually; I spent two evenings at home alone absolutely CONVINCED someone was going to tow my car away - to the point where I was hopping up off the sofa to check it was still there literally every two minutes and every time there was a noise outside. This was linked to the fact that I hadn't paid for it for a couple of months (another stupid decision that's got my doctor wondering - I still can't work out what my rationalisation was there!), but still doesn't seem rational in retrospect.
What's a mixed episode? I haven't mentioned the paranoia to my doctor (I'd completely forgotten about it until I was writing the comment above) so I suppose I'd better, but I don't understand how you can by manic and depressed at the same time.
There is one other thing too, which I now think may be connected. At the same time as the insomnia and insane exercise, I was also obsessed with a particular actor, who I'd never been very concerned about before; I thought he was quite good and moderately attractive, but nothing more. But during that time I must have spent a good couple of hundred pounds on DVDs of his films (again, not wise given the job situation) and I watched them obsessively. Have you ever heard of anything like that, or was that just some weirdo coincidence? I don't feel much interest in said actor anymore, which is why I'm wondering if the timing is more than coincidental!
I'm going to have a look at that website you've recommended now; thanks again for your reply, I hope you're OK with your condition at the moment and that we'll talk again.
Thanks for your reply. I think they're looking at Bipolar II, specifically because I didn't have full-blown mania (although, thinking about it, I did have a few days when I was oddly paranoid, although it seemed rational at the time - would a few days mean anything out of a period of weeks?) but was acting rashly and out-of-character - and, as you have pointed out, made a few very poor decisions.
Apparently the fact that I've slid from this "manic" phase into hellish depression is also typical, but from what you're saying it would be more usual to progress to full mania? This is so confusing! How did you get diagnosed?
now just a manic phase that's not so out of control that I can function is easy but not to recognize. it's kinda tricky for me yet. I get happy even hi feeling. want to go do all sorts of things cause I have all this energy and think I can concur the world. I want to spend money and have sex alot. im much more social. I have social anxiety so its nice to get out and be so happy and outgoing everyone seems to enjoy my company. I also suffer from the rage feeling that can happen when manic. so one minute im fine the next I can flip the script on u for something small. then right back to happy again. I would go to your local book store and find a book or read up online about it as im only telling you how it is for me. I have 4 huge books to read and a small one so I dont think Ill be looking up anything on bipolar anymore. That was an obsession for me when I first was diagnosed which the doc. said was common. now I need a new hobby witch I recon is psychology books cause Thats what I got hehe fun fun. who goes to read school books that's not in collage ? me for one lmao. ps U can sit there at most bookstores and read want u need to read drink coffee and put the book back as I have spent a 100 dollars on books for my disorder its 20 dollars a book
it sounds to me like a manic episode or hypnomanic episode. Iv had a full blown manic episode and its not pretty. usually a manic episode is just like what u described about your symptoms everyone is different though. usually though untreated we turn full blown manic and its not pretty. I was completely ocd, I had the recording thing going on in my head where everything repeated itself alot till it moved on to the next subject then the recorder as i call it started on that. I had invasive unwanted thoughts. The thought of killing myself would go through my head for instance but I didnt want to die. so it was an intrusive thought that was repetitive. I was very tense to the piont of making marks on my self from gripping things my rings made indentures in my fingers and I didn't notice till they where really bad. If your manic this is the type of thing they wont want u to progress into. while these where my symptoms while fully manic it might not be the same for everyone and a lot aren't as bad as me. I do have the visual hallucinations also when Im fully manic. The doctor will want to keep u from being manic cause this sort of thing and the poor decisions sometimes we make.