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Avatar universal

Can't cope with the nasty side of people

Is it just me?  I realise that nobody likes being on the receiving end of a loved one or a close friend being horrid.  The thing is I completely go to pieces.  It's the reason I tend to not form close friendships anymore, I stick to the people I've known for years and years.  I thought I'd be safer making friends via the internet - penpals - but now even thats proved to be just as risky.

I've been on the receiving end of a nasty email and it's cut me to the quick, makes me want to curl up under my duvet and not come out and not speak to anyone ever again.  A complete over reaction - yes I agree.

I know you have to take the good with the bad in all relationships but I just can't deal with people being mean to me in any form.  Whenever someone is mean it just reinforces my belief that it's just not worth having friends.

Does anyone understand where I'm coming from here?  I hate admitting all of this because I see it as a weakness, spent my life being told I'm over sensitive etc etc.
16 Responses
222267 tn?1253305810
I am very sensitive and decided not to make new friends as well.  To be honest, I just don't really like people.  There are some great people out there, but weeding them out is something that is not worth it to me.  I will talk to people online.  It's great.  Probably unhealthy but I do have healthy relationships with friends and family, so it's not like i'm cutting myself off from the world.  

I take everything everyone says to heart.  I can think it and rethink it till the comment no longer has it's original meaning.  I also really mirror people's moods.  I know everyone does this, but I think I do it more intensely than most.  I get upset when look at me weird, say something to someone else (paranoia), or just plain teases me.  So don't feel like it's just you.  I feel the same way.  People just p*ss me off in general.  I really think it's BP and personality
Avatar universal
Thanks jst4.  I always feel like a right "s.u.c.k.e.r" when someone manages to get under my skin like that.

I try so hard to be sure I don't say something that's going to hurt someone's feelings.  Ok, I'm not perfect and I know that sometimes I do blurt it out before thinking but I just feel like the vast majority of folk don't treat me the way I treat them.

With close (supposedly) friends especially, I bite my tongue, that's what you do isn't it, or at least I thought so.  

I shall go back to how I used to be I think.  Stick to my long term friends and just not get too close to anyone else.  I shan't leave my online friends that i've already made but I think I'm going to be very wary of getting to close to anyone new.

I know exactly what you mean about thinking and re-thinking a conversation, I drive myself crazy with it, can't let it go.  Something that most people wouldn't think about twice and I'm still stressing over it a week later if not longer. grrr

Sorry you feel the same way but thanks for letting me know I'm not alone :-)
803299 tn?1243138653
Hi Buldozer,

I tend to be the same as you, however, once I got a grip on my mood swings I found that people were being attracted to me now that my behavior was no longer erratic.  I have been blessed with a gift of decernment, so I am able to see into a persons heart and know what king of person they are almost immediately.  Therefore, I am picky about who to let in and which ones to avoid.  This has worked extremely well for me.

Even though there are a lot of mean and bad persons in our world does not mean that you have to avoid the entire planet.  Good friends that really, really care about you and will be there for you when you need help are great to have for all of us bp folks out there.

Take care and good wishes finding some new good friends!
505907 tn?1258372940
  Try to think that I AM one of those....well, on the other hand I would not be sending you any hate mail but I do drive people out of my life with my quick wit (ahem) or extreme feelings about certain themes. I know I drove a permanent wedge between me and my EX sister-in-law a few weeks ago. I still feel I was in the right and I never cared for her very much any way but many people think what I said to her was inappropriate.. Oh, I'm blathering on here but I do believe that most BPs attract other BPS into their lives by their shared passions and then we find out that we drive each other batty. You are the ideal of careful, but intelligent, comments to everyone. You are full of compassion and kindness. It is so unfortunate that some inherently see your soft side as an opportunity to relieve their stress or, even worse, to treat you badly 'cause they know it hurts you more. Please don't deprive everyone of your sparkling personality. Keep sticking your nose out. You just have to maintain your sense of self appreciation and practice deep breathing. You're fantastic.
585414 tn?1288944902
I don't know. I can't deny that I do have occasional mood variances ("recovered" does not mean cured) but even before my recovery (when I could be blatantly psychotic on occassion) if I saw things in other people's lives that concerned me and they were impacting on me I did sometimes suggest they seek counseling and the results were positive. I just learned I had to put it in a supportive way and not play diagnostician. But I have not done that since recovery. One thing I did learn is even if someone doesn't have issues if they are a mean spirited manipulative person if they made you feel bad about yourself then they (in their mind) "accomplished" something. I learned that the best reactions were not passive aggressive. "Passive" as in accepting it and then "aggressive" as in reacting and becoming angry but instead assertive. I've done this and worked with people I know to achieve this. When they realize that they can't make me feel unhappy (of course if I really did something wrong I acknowledge it) then they stop because they realize they are just ranting into thin air. E-mail is best as I have physical difficulty speaking and with an e-mail I have time to compose my thoughts.
Avatar universal
I'm the same way.  I'm very sensitive to the needs of others and get easily hurt.  

True friends are hard to come by but I think it's even harder for sensitive people to make friends. We can only be around others that are kind, compassionate and sensitive.  Our skins just aren't thick enough to be able to handle ignorant, unkind, mean spirited people.  
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