Dangerous Drugs & People

[DizzyRose]

I have stopped taking ALL the medications that my psychiatrist prescribed. I don't need them. I've only got problems caused by what others have/haven't done. It ain't me whose sick. It's them. I ain't taken the carbamazepine, quetiapine or mirtazepine for two days and I can't wait til it's all totally out of my body.  I was conned into thinking I needed them to be better. And that the doctors were helping me to be a better person. They lied. I was right to hate humans. To not trust anybody. They're dangerous. I'm going back to being ME. Gonna stop them from harming me ever again. I ain't ever gonna let a single one of them get within arms reach of me again. I will do whatever I have to in order to protect myself from them. They've been using me as an experiment to see how far they can push a normal persons mind before it snaps. They nearly did it too but I realised what they've been trying to do. I win. They've lost.

[captainann]

I quit the meds 11 years ago after attempting to kill myself 3 times, I think the meds where apart of the cause.  Unlike the others I feel the way you do.  In doing so I added fuel to the fire by drinking.  Now here I am years later trying to get help with that.  When I told my doctor all he said was (alot of people do)  Still stuck and don't know where to turn.  I don't think returning to the meds are for me, they made me feel crazier than I already do.  I also think my horomones are the problem but everytime I ask a doctor they just say I don't need them. I am going to a doctor soon and am going to demand a test.  I'm not saying that meds don't work there just not for me.  I think you are very special and deserve help just I do but, just can't find someone to trust.  Been there, still there.

[DizzyRose]

Hi guys. I wanna say a big THANKYOU to all of you. I re-read every post and then again and again. I'm back on my meds and am feeling so much calmer. I went and saw my doc and we talked loads. But I could tell that although he was being rational and stuff, he didn't really get it. As weezer555 advised I showed him what I'd posted and he was very understanding and very impressed by all the good advice you guys had given. I feel that I would have gotten very sick  had  your replys not gotten through to me so a massive Thanks guys, to you all. Xxx

[weezer555]

You are not at fault for your decisions and thoughts now. Its your mental illness.
Everyone here wants to help you so are the doctors that prescribe the medication.

[weezer555]

You come across as paranoid and delusional. It is common to quit meds when your symptoms act up and you dont let your Psychiatrist know.
Tell your doctor exactly what you posted here and yolu may be hospitalized until meds are adjusted a bit.

I am aware that you think I am the one not seeing things as they are but I assure you I have thought and said what youre saying and also quit my meds. I was very sick

[run4you]

I'm glad you're taking care of yourself :)  I get that maybe your first posts you were so upset that they didn't really come out correct (darn the internet and not being able to read into things like people mean them!).

Regardless of mental health issues, you have every right (and absolutely should!) to demand that they figure out what the heck is going on with you otherwise. I wish I could say that a doctor had never used my mental health problems as an explanation for other things... but at least my dr ran the tests 'because your peace of mind makes it worth it anyway'. (Turns out it was an arrhythmia and a murmur, NOT panic attacks!).

I have friends with PCOS, it is not a fun problem to have. If you're having bouts of depression/fatigue (I assume you did to get a probable dx of bipolar) have them check your thyroid with the blood draw, too. That would cause loss of energy, etc. ;)  

All my years of therapy helped me with my sexual abuse. PTSD and bipolar are often difficult to differentiate between - it was only after years of therapy they realized mine was bipolar and not PTSD. If that's it, therapy is your best bet (and may be all you need anyway, who knows).

Good luck, and keep in touch! I hope you can find a doctor to take you seriously about your health concerns. I've heard too many stories about doctors being so afraid to refer you out or say 'I'm not sure, let's keep looking' that they will say it's made up by a patient.

[DizzyRose]

I've been off all meds now for just over two weeks and I feel so good. I've re-read my earlier posts and they do sound like I'm bouncing off the walls!!  My psyDoc never gave me a confirmed diagnosis of BP but medicated me for it as he thought it was a strong possibility. He "diagnosed" an "unknown personality disorder" and medicated me for that too. I've had a horribly abused childhood and some very bad incidents where I've been hurt throughtout my adult life. The last two years have been very difficult and have culminated in the Harassment charge and the assult by the male nurse. Nobody seems to listen to me and just shrugs off what I say because I'm the one with the "mental health issues". But recently I've been looking at the minor health probs that I've got and wondering if they could be connected or even the cause of the mental health probs...especially as no one can quite put their finger on what is wrong with me. I was diagnosed with PCOS about 8yrs ago but the doc didn't know what caused what...the psych meds could have caused the hormone imbalance which then resulted in the PCOS etc. He said however that he'd never seen any woman with such a massive testosterone reading that also rose and fell so inexplicibly. So I'm now thinking that I may have had hormone probs since onset of pubity which, untreated, have led to the mental health diagnosis(wrongly) 18yrs ago. What would happen to somebody if you gave them antipsychotics and antidepressants for nearly two decades at large doses if they didn't have mental health probs?  The meds have never kept me stable so they just increased them. Then added carbamazapine a year ago. Still not been stable. I think it's been hormones all along and that's why I've 'binned' all their drugs and am gonna start demanding the various departments start testing my hormone levels WITHOUT the drugs already being in my system.  Sorry to waffle for so long but you've shown real concern and I didn't want you to worry.  I'll let you know how I get on. Love to you all. XXX

[lindahand]

I would go with a long chain of idiots and incompetance versus a conspiracy.

I'm sorry, I really am, but you sound paranoid to me. It is horribly unfair you have been sexually abused by someone who was supposed to help and protect you, and then by a male nurse in the same situation. That is enough to trigger an episode and make you mistrust the psychiatric community as a whole.

There are good pdocs. Ones who really do want to help you. I promise. It is worth trying again. The medications all have side effects, that is true, but sometimes you can get a better mix with different medications. It took me three years to get meds that work. Risperadol took away the people wanting to hurt me lurking in the trees by our house. It gave me peace. It had a side effect, it raised my prolactin to really high levels, so we tried something else, and then one other one. It was the last one that finally worked in combination with 2 other medications. There is a lot they don't know about these meds that is true, but life is better with them than without them for most people who are bipolar.

Take care of yourself. If you are going med free you have to take really good care of yourself. Make sure you exercise and eat right. Taking omega oils will also help. I think you need a pdoc, I really do, but if you are not willing to go than at least take care of yourself best you can.

[DizzyRose]

I know what I believe sounds crazy and irrational but it's not impossible for it to be true. Either way I have my guard up now and feel so much stronger today. I feel my spark coming back and feel much more confident about my future. If it's not an experiment/conspiricy then it a long chain of idiots and incompetence; which I can now fight as without the meds my brain isn't all fogged up. I can think more clearly and sort things out so much better. I thank all of you for all your kindness and words of support. Love to you all. XX

[run4you]

I normally don't call people out on stuff like this, because I never know how to put it delicately.

But it really sounds like you are completely delusional. Paranoid as well.

I have paranoia in mixed episodes...

I'm not saying that stuff didn't happen to you. I was sexually abused as a child as well, and that's separate from the rest...

But there's a line between reality and delusions/psychosis, and I think you're toeing it if not stepping over.

A rational mind would not be trying to call the PD or the PM about med issues.

I STRONGLY suggest you seek help. If you don't, you could end up hospitalized again.

[DizzyRose]

Thanx guys for all your kind words. I rang the police to speak to the chief but they just laughed. I rang Downing Street to speak to the Prime Minister but they wouldn't let me. All my horrible life I've been abused and it's still happening. From being assulted by a male nurse in the pschychiatric hospital a couple of months ago to having to go to court for Harassment of my father who sexually molested me from age 5 to 12yrs. The police won't prosecute him cos of lack of evidence yet they're still gonna take his side and prosecute me. I know the government is behind it all. They're trying to see how far they can twist a brain before it snaps. I've fought all my life to do the right thing and have never been in trouble with the law. Even though I was put into Care as a child I've done my very best. I'm 44yrs old now and they're still pushing at me. I can't fight them any more. Nobody will help me or protect me cos they're all in on it. I feel so broken and tired. I've been off the tablets for a week and I'm fine so I know I was conned into taking them for so long. I ain't gonna fight them any more. They can do whatever they want. It makes it worse if I fight them cos they just get nastier. They've taken my spark.

[Superbuggg]

I Have just looked up the meds you say you're on and the convention is to lower the dose over two weeks or more. Many people report no ill effects though your always best to reduce the dose slowly.

Stopping, as you imply you have, and starting again, as per advice above, will be worse! If you want off - now's the time to seize the opportunity - why you have the impetus, but do it gradually!

[sallyscissorhands]

I read your post and am concerned for you because I have had similar thoughts myself. But these thoughts are symptoms of the disease, not rational thinking. You may genuinely feel like there are people out to get you, but that is a paranoid thought and to me sounds like you are heading for a severe manic episode if you aren't there already. I am not judging you at all, I have had full blown manic episodes where I had delusions and paranoia and I know that it is definitely time to call the doctor when I start having thoughts like you are describing. Please do not go off your meds cold turkey, it could be disasterous. Find someone you trust to talk to if you don't want to deal with the doctor. Please take care of yourself.

[finsright]

I know it's hard for us to trust people because they often critize us and hurt us. But not all of them just look how many posts you have received. These are people who know how you feel and care about you. If I understand it alot of us want to quit taking our Meds. I use the excuse I can't afford them. But I try very hard to remember that wanting to stop the Meds is a symptom of our diease and if I quit (which I have) will only make me sicker. I'm saying this to you because like the other posts I care and I don't want you to hurt yourself. I know others can hurt us but usually we are the ones that hurt us the most.

[therese83]

When you first wrote i thought OK, you might have a point

But then you say that they are using you as an experiment and i realised that you need to go see a Doctor or tell someone you trust, or go to an emergency room

Please be positive and take care of your health

[Anuket]

Have you considered that publicly posting to this forum may be an attempt to talk yourself out of quitting meds?  Maybe the "good you" is looking for validation that the "bad you" is not thinking clearly right now.  Hope that makes sense..

If you have strong feelings that a certain drug is not right for you, you could talk to your therapist about your concerns and explore a safe transition to alternate meds or alternate forms of therapy.  Seems dangerous to quit without any assistance or methodical plan in place.  Good luck - stay safe.  

[run4you]

I'm going to agree with everyone here.

I recognize the tone in your message... I've been there. It's a dark place, and I didn't realize how not stable I was until later. Now is probably the time you need those meds the most.

At the *very least*, it is clear you need therapy. I've been there, I'm sure I'll be back, so please don't take that in a negative way. Like I said, I see so much of where I've been a few times in your post, and I can see how self-destructive it was.

I know that most of my lessons I had to learn myself. Someone trying to give me this same message probably wouldn't have done any good, I probably would have laughed them off. But I feel like I have to try.

[gofio]

My unqualified guess is that you are unwell, suggest you see Doc,in order to get to see a Psychologist, they can't prescribe any drugs. Talking therapies could be  all you need?Try to feel less bitter.Good luck..

[paranoid_cataclysm]

I suggest you continue taking it, like the first person said the withdrawal will be horrible and could potentially cause damage from such shock to your system.  Not to mention you sound like you need to think things through a bit more before you react on your emotions.  I don't want to take my medication either but I don't really have a choice.

[x89rt]

Reeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaally bad idea! The withdrawal will be horrible. It might lead you to commit suicide. I recommend getting back on them immediately.