Diagnosis?!?

[LarryBoy820]

I was diagnosed 8 years ago while overseas under questionable circumstances. since then I've lost the only job I ever really wanted, my marriage, and my relationship with my 2 grown sons, all self respect and confidence.

At the time i was diagnosed I was admittedly depressed because of some extraordinary circumstances. I was voluntarily hospitalized and determined bipolar II and placed on lithium. The diagnosis seemed to be based on family history more than symptoms (I have never had a manic episode).

I have had 2 rounds testing (computerized profiles), in 2004 and the other just recently. Neither showed a bi-polar profile; as a matter of fact the last was judged "normal" by both of my doctors.

I have been off of my lithium (by dr's orders) for about three weeks  now with no ill effects. Yet, at my last visit on Thur. my doc seemed unwilling to say that I was misdiagnosed or that I'm not bi-polar. Why?

It is hard to imagine the damage that just being diagnosed bp has done mentally, emotionally and relationally the last 8 years. To be perfectly frank I'VE allowed it to ruin my life. It's only in the last few months that I've decided that with God's help and strength I will go forward. sadly, there is no one but God left to go forward with.

Although it shouldn't make a difference, it is somehow important to me that my mental health is validated by others. When I shared this with my psych. he offered to say whatever i was I needed to hear; that I appeared normal and testing supported this conclusion but that if I needed counseling to help me rebuild my life he schedule was booked until the end of Nov. and the holidays were always a b ad time. What am I supposed to think about that?

On the positve side I'm approaching this carefully. I have been open and honest with longtime friends and asked them to keep watch on my moods and behavior just in case I in fact am BP. I have meds on hand so that if symptoms do appear I can start them immediately.

Much self doubt here. If I'm in fact not BP I must take personal responsibilty for where I am in my life now. If not, this has been a nic e rspite but when will I implode? We'll see.

Any insites you might provide are truly appreciated.

[damselfly]

I feel for you.  I had a similar situation and when you want so badly to have information to work with, to go forward with the WRONG info is -- well grounds for malpractice I think.
Anyway, it does not matter what an incompetent therapists thinks ... what matters is your truth ... and that you have caring friends who will honestly validate that truth.

Good luck

[shortcircuited]

If you never had a hypomanic or manic episode, then you should not have been diagnosed bipolar.  Do you think you could have unipolar depression?  Keep an eye out for symptoms, but I hope you remain symptom free.

Best of luck to you.

[bernie40]

If you have had 2 tests both show that you are not bipolar then it does sound as if your initial diagnosis was wrong.  This does not mean however that you were responsible for the way things in your life turned out.  It just means the diagnosis was wrong and not that you weren't suffering from some other form of mental illness, possibly depression and post-traumatic stress syndrome.  Any form of mental illness impacts on your life.  

You are doing in right in moving forward and also in being honest with close friends who are willing to help "keep an eye".

Re-building your life will take time but with the right support you will do it.  Whilst you wait for your therapy to begin in a couple of months time it may help you to get some self-help books on how to overcome depression etc, what to look out for and how to regain self-esteem and confidence.

I obviously do not know all the circumstances surrounding the break-down of your relationships, never give up on trying to re-build those relationships with your sons, but first make sure you are in a good place.

I wish you all the best.