Aa
Disappointment.
I had a house sitter all set for the 3 1/2 weeks going to be in the states.
I made everything very clear. 3rd world country.
Bunch of riff raft and squatters down at the beach. Groceries can be delivered for $4.00.
She agreed 2 months ago. I took my listing out of the 3 web sites for caretakers.
Now she wants everything to be different.
I feel sick. I'm not handling disappointment well. I feel betrayed. I turned down better candidates because she promised and said she bought her plane ticket.
What a big fat drag. Coping by dumping on my friends in emls how I feel. Should I just start crying? Will that make me feel better? It's Costa Rica. I can't change that. What the heck? We had our trunk broken into and an expensive camera stolen in Santa Monica,CA. A whole line of cars inc ours got the passenger windows smashed on the street parking in Huntington Beach,CA. ( supposedly Americas safest city's. )
Big fat Ratz.
I made everything very clear. 3rd world country.
Bunch of riff raft and squatters down at the beach. Groceries can be delivered for $4.00.
She agreed 2 months ago. I took my listing out of the 3 web sites for caretakers.
Now she wants everything to be different.
I feel sick. I'm not handling disappointment well. I feel betrayed. I turned down better candidates because she promised and said she bought her plane ticket.
What a big fat drag. Coping by dumping on my friends in emls how I feel. Should I just start crying? Will that make me feel better? It's Costa Rica. I can't change that. What the heck? We had our trunk broken into and an expensive camera stolen in Santa Monica,CA. A whole line of cars inc ours got the passenger windows smashed on the street parking in Huntington Beach,CA. ( supposedly Americas safest city's. )
Big fat Ratz.
I want to point out that I still care and try to take the safest roads, it is the final outcome that I have to be unattached to, and the attachment to always wanting to know my provisions are covered, before the moment I need them. Then, I have to respond to that, but I don't want to stop trusting, until proven I shouldn't. I don't want to stop aching, due to the suffering in the world. I do NOT want to keep feeling disappointed, so with a big heart that keeps getting hurt, I want to be unattached to my situation and respond in a healthy way. Sometimes that is a matter of faith. Even when I can't see how things are working themselves out and like I am the butt of some joke, I still have to keep believing everything happens for a reason. It seems I rarely know the reason, until much later, but I am noticing that there always seem to be one.
I have said it before, I believe my ethics and morals have caused me more suffering than anything. I have sacrificed opportunity and wealth to be true to my own beliefs. Nice guys finish last, that's what I have always heard, but maybe I am not even in the same race or on the same race track. I will never stop caring, that is one of the things I love about bipolar, most of us care a lot about important things, usually too much, in modern opinion. I don't want that to go away anyway, so God obviously picked the right guy to be bipolar. I thought it was a curse, because I was attached to how I wanted to be. Now I am just accepting myself, surrendering to bipolar, and letting the world unfold around me. I can't control anything accept my responses and that is questionable. I'm getting better at it though, but not very fast.
I have said it before, I believe my ethics and morals have caused me more suffering than anything. I have sacrificed opportunity and wealth to be true to my own beliefs. Nice guys finish last, that's what I have always heard, but maybe I am not even in the same race or on the same race track. I will never stop caring, that is one of the things I love about bipolar, most of us care a lot about important things, usually too much, in modern opinion. I don't want that to go away anyway, so God obviously picked the right guy to be bipolar. I thought it was a curse, because I was attached to how I wanted to be. Now I am just accepting myself, surrendering to bipolar, and letting the world unfold around me. I can't control anything accept my responses and that is questionable. I'm getting better at it though, but not very fast.
You are right on so many levels. I'm attached to my comfort too. One year a gang started stealing underground cable. So I was left with no electricity. Cost $5000 plus labor to replace. I had gotten used to having music and a refrigerator.
Once they stold all the ceiling fans and more. Once again. A major pain in the butt. Buying new. Putting together. Barely enough wire left to reinstall. It's the tropics here. Unlike my neighbors I don't use air conditioning. But your right I got attached to feeling the breeze of the ceiling fans and being comfortable.
Yes. I do have a very strong belief in God. But also in brains and freewill. God gave me the brains to find out what it takes to protect the things I want.
Don tied his shoes to the same branch for 20 years. Last month someone climbed up while he was swimming and took them. Good news. After walking on rocks for half an hour, not being able to speak Spanish, a kind fisherman who had seen what happened, showed Don where his shoes were hidden.
I know it's dangerous at the beach, God gave me the power of deduction. I've always left my shoes at a friends house down there as I can not walk home with out them.
As you know this year after a perfect safety record of 20 years our StorageDepot business suffered a major crime. That had to do with the devil and heartless criminals that never learned right from wrong. These bad people have no conscience. They don't personally suffer the consequences of their actions. There is evil in the world.
I'd like to do what I can to prevent evil from entering my world.
The disappointment thing you are also right on. It's my personality and my choice to give everyone the benefit of a doubt. I ran successful businesses like that and I inherently trust people. Until they prove me wrong. What I can and am learning from you is how to deal with my feelings after someone has blown it with me, usually by telling lies. First I'd like to grasp the concept as to why people think they need to be liars in the first place. I guess like criminals they have no conscious. Me, I need to allow my emotions to express, then fade my disappointment in liars and criminals.
I remember bible story's about routes that people couldn't take to get from here to there as these roads were controlled by bandits. Even now. That fact to me is sad. I like my world to be a world where things are better some how. Yes. I know it's a pretty lofty goal.
The other problem I face is limited energy. I expended a lot of energy on an outcome. Find someone who wanted to visit Costa Rica and who said they wanted to keep an eye on the ranch and feed and love my pets. In exchange for saving $189 pr nite which is what the hotel right up my road charges.
I've been robbed of my energy. It was my own choice yes. To believe the word of a stranger. But I'll pay the consequences. I refuse to be suspicious and paranoid of every person that I meet in life. I'm just not going to change my personality. History has proven to me that a higher % of people that cross my path are truthful and good vs evil and liars or cheats.
I do appreciate as always your answer to my post. Bipolar is relatively new in my life( 45 years maybe a little manic but not clinically bipolar!)
So I still have a lot to learn about how to live with the intensity of things good or bad. The good news is I have experienced friends like you to guide and teach me. Thank you! Maxy
Once they stold all the ceiling fans and more. Once again. A major pain in the butt. Buying new. Putting together. Barely enough wire left to reinstall. It's the tropics here. Unlike my neighbors I don't use air conditioning. But your right I got attached to feeling the breeze of the ceiling fans and being comfortable.
Yes. I do have a very strong belief in God. But also in brains and freewill. God gave me the brains to find out what it takes to protect the things I want.
Don tied his shoes to the same branch for 20 years. Last month someone climbed up while he was swimming and took them. Good news. After walking on rocks for half an hour, not being able to speak Spanish, a kind fisherman who had seen what happened, showed Don where his shoes were hidden.
I know it's dangerous at the beach, God gave me the power of deduction. I've always left my shoes at a friends house down there as I can not walk home with out them.
As you know this year after a perfect safety record of 20 years our StorageDepot business suffered a major crime. That had to do with the devil and heartless criminals that never learned right from wrong. These bad people have no conscience. They don't personally suffer the consequences of their actions. There is evil in the world.
I'd like to do what I can to prevent evil from entering my world.
The disappointment thing you are also right on. It's my personality and my choice to give everyone the benefit of a doubt. I ran successful businesses like that and I inherently trust people. Until they prove me wrong. What I can and am learning from you is how to deal with my feelings after someone has blown it with me, usually by telling lies. First I'd like to grasp the concept as to why people think they need to be liars in the first place. I guess like criminals they have no conscious. Me, I need to allow my emotions to express, then fade my disappointment in liars and criminals.
I remember bible story's about routes that people couldn't take to get from here to there as these roads were controlled by bandits. Even now. That fact to me is sad. I like my world to be a world where things are better some how. Yes. I know it's a pretty lofty goal.
The other problem I face is limited energy. I expended a lot of energy on an outcome. Find someone who wanted to visit Costa Rica and who said they wanted to keep an eye on the ranch and feed and love my pets. In exchange for saving $189 pr nite which is what the hotel right up my road charges.
I've been robbed of my energy. It was my own choice yes. To believe the word of a stranger. But I'll pay the consequences. I refuse to be suspicious and paranoid of every person that I meet in life. I'm just not going to change my personality. History has proven to me that a higher % of people that cross my path are truthful and good vs evil and liars or cheats.
I do appreciate as always your answer to my post. Bipolar is relatively new in my life( 45 years maybe a little manic but not clinically bipolar!)
So I still have a lot to learn about how to live with the intensity of things good or bad. The good news is I have experienced friends like you to guide and teach me. Thank you! Maxy
You were attached to the outcome, your happiness became reliant on it. I am dealing with those kinds of disappointments in similar ways to a co-dependant. If my peace of mind is dependent on another person's actions and my peace is reliant on it, then I will never know peace, not for long anyway. I'm sure things can line up absolutely perfectly, every once in a while, but rarely. It is the peace I have, despite what others do, that makes it easier to deal with disappointment.
As far as this specific situation, you are also attached to your possessions, you feel yourself fall apart, if no one is there to protect them. That is why I don't have anything I attach my happiness to. If something is stolen, then God doesn't want me to have it, He wants them to have it, for better or worse. Co-dependence can be applied to material things to, attachment often ends up leading to disappointment. That is where surrender comes in. You told me you believe in God, do you think anything could be stolen, if God wants you to keep it? Do you think you can keep anything that God wants to take away? You are more important than all your things combined, if your things are making you fearful, then I think you are better off without them. Don't you have things to make life easier and better? If they are causing more fear than they are making life easier, what is their true value? Are they worth feeling like you do? Placing more value on things and situations than they deserve is a major issue for me, so practicing not be attached is the only way I have been able to let things go.
As far as this specific situation, you are also attached to your possessions, you feel yourself fall apart, if no one is there to protect them. That is why I don't have anything I attach my happiness to. If something is stolen, then God doesn't want me to have it, He wants them to have it, for better or worse. Co-dependence can be applied to material things to, attachment often ends up leading to disappointment. That is where surrender comes in. You told me you believe in God, do you think anything could be stolen, if God wants you to keep it? Do you think you can keep anything that God wants to take away? You are more important than all your things combined, if your things are making you fearful, then I think you are better off without them. Don't you have things to make life easier and better? If they are causing more fear than they are making life easier, what is their true value? Are they worth feeling like you do? Placing more value on things and situations than they deserve is a major issue for me, so practicing not be attached is the only way I have been able to let things go.
My advice is bad. Maybe screaming and smashing some things will make you feel better. It would make me feel better. ;o) Sorry about your sitter situation. That *****.
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