Feeling crazy...

[leesarene]

I am really starting to wonder if BiPolar is what I have... I don't know... am I just unable to cope with reality? Is there a way I can handle that? Its like I get depressed thinking about the reality of my life... then I watch a movie (in this case Juno) and I want to be that person to an obsessive level... like I will listen to only that music, wear clothes like her, dye my hair... what is this? I have been thinking how much I want to be like her... not even, that I AM her. And thoughts are racing! Even now... my life is not reality... my life as Juno is my reality... does this make any sense to anyone??? What is this??? Is this normal for someone who is BiPolar??? I just feel crazy... I mean there are plenty of times where I feel I identify with BiPolar symptoms, but not all the time... can anyone help me out with this???

[leesarene]

Thank you so much for your advice... at my next pdoc appointment I will talk to her about these things... thank you again :o) I didn't realize you could have more than one disorder at a time. Thank you also for this info!

[BipolarBear75]

Hi, thanks for your concern. I will let you know but right now, I have a pdoc that doesn't offer therapy...imagine! It was my first pdoc that my GP referred me to but I have an appointment next week that was a follow up to a manic episode in the ER. That one is supposed to give therapy.

This one I saw said he diagnoses and he is a pharmacologist but doesn't offer therapy.....so....I can't talk to him about these things. I am looking forward to the other appointment.....let's see. I'll keep everyone posted.

[Magdalorne]

One of the things that bipolars try to do is self-medicate, as in doing drugs or drinking.  We do it to try to handle the symptoms on our own.  I would get to a psychiatrist as soon as you can.  I guarantee that all the drugs in the world won't fix it if you are bipolar.  I speak from experience.

[Magdalorne]

I also want to include BipolarBear75 in this post.  

You need to be absolutely honest with your psychiatrist, believe me.

I didn't mention my manic episodes when I first went to a psychiatrist; mostly because I didn't recognize them for what they were, but also because I had learned all about 'abnormal psychiatry' in college and thought I was just being a hypochondriac.  Remember that this was 30 years ago.  I doubt that they called it that anymore.  Call me Bipolar, not abnormal!  It was a relief though, to finally be diagnosed correctly. I was in my 40s. I've had 4 psychiatrists agree with that diagnoses, so I don't feel like I overemphasized what I was feeling.

I look back at my life now and wonder what I might have achieved if I'd been on the right meds back when I started high school.  

Anyway, after telling you all about me, what I need to emphasize is you absolutely need to find about these compulsions.  I'm not going to attempt to diagnose which kind of compulsions you might be dealing with, as I am not a psychiatrist, and there are more than one kind of compulsion that seems to fit.  Bipolar disorder is often accompanied by other disorders - it's called co-morbidity.  Ugly name, but there you go.  Check it out online.

You need to get the right mix of drugs to deal with everything.  (I wish I knew how to bold that.)

I do not want to see either of you regretting what you could have done with your life like I am doing now.  I understand

You certainly don't have to tell your parents or buds, and definitely not the employees, but you do need to tell your psychiatrist.  (I used to tell my parents that it was the other parent's fault that I was the way I am, so they wouldn't get all hurt that I was accusing them of being a bad parent.  Ugh)  Employers tend to get all weird on you if you tell them.  Same with colleagues.

Anyway, please let me (and us) know what you do and how it turns out.

[BipolarBear75]

Hi, I have a Bipolar dx. Looking back with the psychiatrist, we estimate an onset of 17. However, I am going to admit something to you because it is easier on line.....that I have never admitted to anyone....I too would be obsessed with these movie or storyline characters (I would read a lot too- so that I would escape that reality). Not only would I be like them, (I actually learned sign language because a character on a show I believe); but I would also do everything in my life as if they (they being my fave group or whatever) were my audience. My sense of "pretend" never went away...is what my mother called it....she is in denial still about my dx.....so though I haven't given you any answers per say....I just wanted you to know that there was someone else out there....just like you. I just didn't want you to feel alone.

I am new in the bipolar world (since october) and so I just got my second and third appointment with a pdoc....so....maybe when I explore this...I can pass it on.

[leesarene]

Thank you everyone who took the time to respond... I really do appreciate it. I actually am going to my first pdoc appointment since being in the hospital today... I am scared/anxious/nervous/highly irritable/depressed and just hope we can figure something out. Thanks again for all had concern :o) I am starting the process again.

[Crystlas]

Yes, doing drugs can aggrivate bipolar disorder and also cause the disorder to get worse.  You need to stop and get clean to see how you really function.  If you function fine then waste your brain cells if you choose too.  Bipolar disorder is a bio-chemistry imbalance of the brain.  When you add drugs to the mess it makes it alot worse.  In fact, if you are genetically pre-disposed to getting bipolar disorder drug abuse can cause it to surface and become problematic in your life.

[triedeverymed]

It sounds a bit like a personality disorder. And you need to have the depression treated anyway so I would see a psychiatrist and try to get a diagnosis. You;ll feel much better once you know what's going on.
Good Luck!!

[ayla18]

i do drugs,a lot. can that make me more likely to have bipolar, because a lot of my friends either think i have bipolar or some sort of anxiety. i have way too many mood swings for one person.

[Crystlas]

Hang in there, it is all we can do with this disorder.  Yep, mixed state bipolar is not that unusual, just a bad form of it.  I feel my mania, but am usually depressed at the same time.  I got to "enjoy" pure mania when I first started on Wellbutrin as my body adjusted.  It was a crazy whirlwind for me.  I hate being either way, but I do like the energy bursts that mania gives me I just hate being on overdrive.  It *****, lets face it, but there is nothing we can do about it but take the best care of ourselves that we can.  I am sorry you are frustrated and confused.  Do some research to help you better understand this disorder, I did.  It helped clear up a lot of confusion for me.  

[leesarene]

I do suffer from major highs and lows... but you can have both? This I didn't know... I did know BiPolar is genetic which people in my family do have it, but sometimes it just doesn't feel like JUST Bipolar, I guess... :o(

I feel so frustrated and confused and I don't know what to do.

[Crystlas]

Due to my studies (a degree in social work, minor in psychology) it sounds more like Boarderline Personality disorder that can mimic some bipolar symptoms.  Bipolar is nature (genetic) and BPD is nurture (environmentally induced).  Some people can have both.  Do you have highs and lows (mania and depression) or just narcassitic tendencies?  

[jen21287]

I am sorry you are feeling so bad. You should call your doctor's office and tell them that you need to see him/her sooner than your Sept 8 appointment. Explain that it cannot wait. They might be able to squeeze you in - patients cancel appointments all the time - they might have an opening. If that fails and you are still feeling awful, the emergency room might get you the help you need until your appointment. In the meantime, try and write down everything that you are experiencing, avoid caffeine and maybe try and exercise to help deal with the manic feelings.
Take care - Jen

[jen21287]

I do not think the obsessive thoughts of wanting to be like someone (Juno) is part of being bipolar. Except, it might be a sign of mania?? The best thing for you to do is see your doctor asap. It sounds like something else may be going on at the moment and  your doctor is the best person who can figure it out.
Good Luck! - Jen

[Steph3816]

Hi, My name is Stephanie and I am 32 years old I was dx with bipolar at about age 16 since then I have been off and on meds right now I am waiting for a dr appt to get back on meds I try and handle the symptoms on my own but right now I am losing the fight I feel so manic most of the time only at night hopefully I can cope till my appt Sept 8th  if anyone can help with this pls write back.