I don't remember but a few things when I had my most traumatic episode. There are things that my children have told me that I don't believe. I have absolutely no memory of. Things that I do think I remember, is not what they saw. I remember some things that were taken out of context, but I do know I was having problems with my way of thinking in the beginning. I don't repress those memories, I don't remember any of those parts. They are a complete blank. It has been years since that time and still no rememberance. What things I do remember scares me and it was horrible.
I have BP1 and often don't remember a lot of what I do or what happens while I'm psychotic. During my last hospitalization (three years ago for a psychotic manic episode) my psychiatrist told me that memory problems are part of of BP. I even have trouble remembering things from the period in the hospital when I'm not still floridly manic.
I have been extremely ashamed and embarrassed of and about things that I have done while manic. I have spent literally years avoiding people and places. I still try to avoid some things that I experienced with my first full manic episode almost 13 years ago.
And I would like ery much to forget the bad things that I do remember, but I don't think I've been sucessful in psychologically blocking them.
What that doctor said about memory really made me feel better, though.
Also, I have been in mental health counseling/therapy for years, and I don't think I could have healed as well as I have without a place to discuss these things and a non-judgmental professional to help guide me out of self-loathing. I always reccomend counseling.
im type II. I remember everything....i went almost a year un treated, attempted suicide, overdosed many times, cut, drank, stole, started smoking and drugs, was maniacly high, grades started slipping...etc. etc. etc.
These experiences shape who i am... I am a piece of clay, that's now being moulded back into a human being after be literally almost destroyed. Being bipolar has changed my perception on life dramatically and i dont think i would have chosen the path i have now if it were for my re-evaluation on life.
Sometimes it is painful to think of what happened to you. I remember one time after i came home from a psych. appointment, i swallowed 5 lamotrigines (high dosage for a body who wasnt used to it yet) and ended up in the hospital. I wanted everything to go away.
I was having a bad day, and thought of everything that happened...i called my mother and apologized for everything that has happened... so you know..."what doesnt kill you makes you stronger" <---my tattoo.....
Can someone develop Bipolar Disorder as they near 15 or are 15? Idk if i am bipolar......ive read up the "symptoms" and stuff and can relate. the cause may be bullying or trauma, im not sure.......i think right now (for this whole month) ive been going through a "mixed episode" or am just being a rapid cycler and its REALLY frustrating. and, no, none of my moods have anything to do with whats going on im my life.....but my moods just change my perspective......but recently, my past just wont "play out". I remember what ppl say, or what i think ....but only in words....But it wont play out.......even my mornings are strting to get blurry at times.......its really frustrating. I just CANT remember! By any chance, does tht happen in bipolar disorder? and ya, i COULD be really moody teenager........but im getting to extreme and its been getting worst ESPECIALLY since the bulling reduced (they actually call me by my name and i can CATUALLY talk to ppl without them looking down upon me or calling me "emo" or anything) and as i said has NO revalence to anything, what so ever. Just yday, i was in the car after watching Skyfall and i was depressing...and i really dont know why. but i was just listening to my ipod and being OVERLY negitive about life.....then my parents asked me something.......just tht much was enough to get me SO irritated! Very iritated! then, why i reached home, i stormed into my room and began crying! (Idk why i remember tht when i dont rememmber what i just did today morning.....but i remember what i ate.......i seem to remember very few selective things.....even if it day to day routine) pls help! (i could go to a doctor, but my parents dont listen! so i wanna be sure.....i guess and as u said u hv BP1, u MAY be able to help me answer)
I think memory problems can be linked with bipolar disorder and sometimes the meds prescribed for it too can effect memory. My mother who is also bipolar 1 said she got so manic once that she blacked out for a few days. I personally have problems with my short term mostly and some long term memory problems too. The sad part is when I was younger I had a photographic memory. I also have PTSD and you can't forget stuff you would rather. Flash backs are really bad. Maybe that person is just embarrassed. I know it can be embarrassing some of the things you do while in an episode.
Good questions, I'll be as honest as I can.
I have lost many memories over the years, to a point of asking family if what I can recall are real. As I've had bipolar since a teenager I don't know if that is a factor in the long term memory, my memory was affected severely by Ect treatment I tried, it unfortunately devastated my short term memory.
As I have mixed state episodes I can certainly tell you while in an episode the agitation and irritability can be alarming and they separate from controllable to just plain mixed state hell. These are a very dangerous mood state , medical support and treatment are often advised when they occur. I have only needed hospital stays when a bad one occurs, I know that in the past I have become a danger to myself , suicidal tendencies and idealism are a known side effect of mixed state. I decide to go into hospital once I'm made aware they have got so far, I would rather a 2 month hospital stay to help get back in control, than risk overdose and suicide again. I would not want to put my family through the constant worry of it again, You can't rationalise your way out either if that helps, in my experience understanding and controlling 'are 2 things entirely.
If that helped someone it's a bonus.