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Bipolar Disorder Community
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1577692 tn?1296195070

Getting Divorced

I've been with my wife for 3 yrs. Every 6 months she wants me to leave and 2 weeks later she wants me back. like a fool i go back. This time i'm not making it easy for her to get me back. I moved out 2 months ago. 2 weeks after that she contacted me and we hangout for a few days until she got mad at me for not coming over one night. She ignored me for 3 days. She contacted me and we did the same thing 3 or 4 days and shes mad at me again because her son put ding dongs in the fridge and she thought i was hiding them from her. Ignores me for 4 days and contacts me to come over, i said ok be there in 20 minutes, 5 minutes later she tells me never mind that i'm no good for her...WTF? She wont take medication and never has. Her ex husband told me she was diagnosed BP 10 yrs ago. She hates it if i dont chase her. Shes controlling, irritable all the time, if she doesnt get her way she yells until she does.The most negative person i ever met. One minute she says i'm her superman the next she acts like i'm not even in the room.
My question is: Should i run? I feel like i am the one whos going crazy.
I started going to NAMI to learn how to deal with a BP person, but i'm not sure i can do this the rest of my life.I'm 43 and shes 42.
I do care about her and love her but holy $h**........I need some serenity.
Any advise. And she wont take meds so keep that in mind when you give it.
7 Responses
1576827 tn?1296208267
You sound like a nice guy. Most people would be like: 'leave now, she's no good for you!' or 'no stay, and learn about bipolar, learn how to deal with her'. All I'm going to say is that, this sounds like such attention seeking behaviour, which is attributed to bipolar. Is her son yours as well? If yes, consider the pros and cons of staying in order to create a stable environment for your child. If he isn't, sorry to sound mean, but, consider leaving. You must have loved her enough at some point to have married her, but eventually things grate on you so much that it becomes unbearable. You really sound at the end of your tether, and there really isn't any point in succumbing to her every whim and giving her what she wants because she's never going to learn how to be a selfless person and in turn, isn't going to be able to teach her son how to be one either.
You deserve to be happy, and you don't sound at all happy right now. Talk to her about going to see a counselor or something, stuff isn't always sorted simply by taking medication.
You need to be happy, instead of trying so hard, and failing, to make her happy. because she isn't ever going to be for a prolonged amount of time.
Avatar universal
I strongly suggest. Really strongly suggest, that you go and get some therapy for yourself. You need to work through these strong emotions and decide if you can handle this in the long term. You obviously see something in her otherwise you wouldn't have married her - but is that enough to sustain you through the hard times. If money is an issue there are places that have a sliding scale so those who can not afford to pay full price can pay less. Here they are called Family Services, and you can use Catholic Family services even if you aren't Catholic. Some private companies also offer some probono work or a sliding scale. You have to do some phoning, and there will probably be a waiting list.

Bipolar is not an excuse for abuse, especially if the person is not responsible and seeking help. If she sees nothing wrong with her behaviour you are in a really tight spot because it won't get any better. She sounds paranoid to me - but that is only an assumption based on very few facts. Just from the way she keeps kicking you out and then wanting you back.

I spent 10 years in an emotionally abusive relationship. The manipulation is very convincing, and unless you have been through it - you can't describe to someone else why you stay. My ex was very charming when he was manipulating me. He slowly eroded who I was because I was so caught up in his unending drama. It was always about him. He does have a lot of redeeming qualities though. I don't think he is a bad man, just a really screwed up man. He actually left me to find his true love over the internet and I can honestly say it was the best gift he ever gave me. (His 23 year old true love turned out to be a 43 year old Grandmother! I find great amusement in that)

Being liberated from that abuse I was able to find out who I was again. Things are not easy for me having bipolar myself. There are times when I know it is hard on my husband (I got remarried). But it is a partnership. When I am having my good moments I take really good care of him. And I take my medication so I will hopefully never be in the chaos that is MI. I am not perfect but I try really hard. If she is not trying to get better - I don't see much hope.
Avatar universal
Why are you attracted to such a person, why do you think this is what you deserve for yourself.

I mean the way she treats you, I am sure it is abuse/a pattern of abusive behaviour
Avatar universal
Actually I think she should see a psychiatrics, these behaviors aren't consistent with bipolar disorder. Sounds like borderline personality disorder, look it up.

She can't control these dramatic shifts without treatment, she has a love hate relationship with u, u are either all good or all bad . Black and white thinking . Trust she's not doing this on purpose she's just very sick and in a lot of pain. Wish u luck .
1095630 tn?1369939656
Ok. All my bipolar filters are off today so in a nutshell, leave. Cut all ties. And go get therapy to deal with your rescuer/guilt issues.

We don't get 'passes' on abusing others.
776648 tn?1298917427
I like peachgirl43's response. When you speak of this it reminds me of my relationship with my first wife. She refuses to seek treatment because 'it's everyone elses fault' she is having problems. Having been divorced from her now since the late 80's, and what I've managed to educate myself about via the internet, my ex definately has full signs of Borderline Personalty with alot of Narccissitic Personality also involved. You can lead a horse to the water, but you cant make em drink....which is where I've left it when it comes to her. Get a therapist for yourself and protect who you are. Best regards!!!
1577692 tn?1296195070
Thanks everyone for your thoughts. i am beginning to think she might be borderline personality. I can't figure it out. I am in a support group called NAMI. It has helped but still not sure if i should leave. People ask if i would leave if she had cancer but i say you can't compare the 2.
I didnt mention her sister committed suicide about 3 months ago, that is what triggered her full blown bipolar. Since i posted on here last she has been calming down and wanting therapy to deal with her loss. She might be PTSD as well. I keep trying to diagnose her but i can't. The things i read about it seems like she has a little of everything. They all seem to run together. But she said she was dianosed about 10 yrs ago bipolar.
Thanks,
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