Aa
Hereditary?
Firstly, I'm still new to this site so please bear with me? I have these thoughts rolling around in my head and I need somewhere to vent them, I also have a tendancy to ramble to if you're not in for the long haul you might want to skip this one!
I had coffee with my mother yesterday.Normally I would have considered it to be a chore, or better yet avoided, but that's not the point. I think I need to explain a bit about me and my family. When we were growing up my sister, well lets just say she was different and when we said anything to mum, she would always reply, she'll snap out of it.Even now when Lynn has one of her episodes its brushed aside. This is why I never really talked to mum when I started having problems. Mum was always so condesending to Lynn.
Anyway, I've been really low for a while now and things finally got so bad that I went back to my GP. I've been 3 or 4 times this year and the result is always the same, Citalopram 40mg/day. I take them and then after a while I realise I hate the way they make me feel and behave and I stop taking them and then this vicious cycle starts again but this time I really want to give it a go I've been taking the tablets consistently now for 6 weeks and so last week when I went to see my GP and he asked if I wanted to go and see the Pdoc, anyway I just fell apart. Its kind of frowned on in my family. I went two years ago for awhile, it wasn't so much the things that were said about me going it was more the fact that it wasn't spoken about. The Pdoc was the one who initially put me on Citalopram 20mg to start with. After about 6 months I was on 40mg/day and I can't even remember how much Serequel. I can't say it was the right thing to do but I gave up.
It was the thought of having to go there again that got me looking for answers here! The relaxed, conversation with my mother yesterday is the result. I think Both she and I finally understand there's probably a bit more to this than we thought.
She admited to me that she had been talking to one of her cousins about depression, something she had previously admitted to having. The outcome being that it turns out my Grandfather was bp. She's been thinking since our chat that Lynn is to and possibly even Amanda. I've just had my cousin on-line and even she's suggesting family links, God, that was hard to, sorry Di if you're reading this but I was feeling really agitated, I can't get these thoughts out my head fast enough and even stoping to have that short conversation wound me up and yet at the same time It's taking forever because my thoughts keep wandering.
After loads of info reading on this site and a few other that have been mentioned I started wondering if I'm even on the right medication?
And now since talking to my mum, am I even bp?
Does everything point to me being bp, from the impulsive move to wales (my cousin admitted to something similar), to spending the £20,000 I got taking out a mortgage on my house to cover the debt I've built up! Then there's the black pit of despair I've been in when I realised what I've done. The not being able to face going to work, the wanting to scream at my boss and actually screaming at my kids. There's a fair bit of turning into superwoman, usually accompanied by a strong feeling of guilt for the way I've been behaving When I'm in 'superwoman mode' things get done but then there's the crashing where I seem to need to sleep all the time.
Has talking to my mum made things worse? or am I being paranoid? I like to think I'm reasonably intelligent nut this has got me all so confused.Of course it could be that I'm totally sane and shouldn't be on any medication.
I've completely lost my train of thought now. If you've just read all that then I'm sorry, I don't know what my point was.
I had coffee with my mother yesterday.Normally I would have considered it to be a chore, or better yet avoided, but that's not the point. I think I need to explain a bit about me and my family. When we were growing up my sister, well lets just say she was different and when we said anything to mum, she would always reply, she'll snap out of it.Even now when Lynn has one of her episodes its brushed aside. This is why I never really talked to mum when I started having problems. Mum was always so condesending to Lynn.
Anyway, I've been really low for a while now and things finally got so bad that I went back to my GP. I've been 3 or 4 times this year and the result is always the same, Citalopram 40mg/day. I take them and then after a while I realise I hate the way they make me feel and behave and I stop taking them and then this vicious cycle starts again but this time I really want to give it a go I've been taking the tablets consistently now for 6 weeks and so last week when I went to see my GP and he asked if I wanted to go and see the Pdoc, anyway I just fell apart. Its kind of frowned on in my family. I went two years ago for awhile, it wasn't so much the things that were said about me going it was more the fact that it wasn't spoken about. The Pdoc was the one who initially put me on Citalopram 20mg to start with. After about 6 months I was on 40mg/day and I can't even remember how much Serequel. I can't say it was the right thing to do but I gave up.
It was the thought of having to go there again that got me looking for answers here! The relaxed, conversation with my mother yesterday is the result. I think Both she and I finally understand there's probably a bit more to this than we thought.
She admited to me that she had been talking to one of her cousins about depression, something she had previously admitted to having. The outcome being that it turns out my Grandfather was bp. She's been thinking since our chat that Lynn is to and possibly even Amanda. I've just had my cousin on-line and even she's suggesting family links, God, that was hard to, sorry Di if you're reading this but I was feeling really agitated, I can't get these thoughts out my head fast enough and even stoping to have that short conversation wound me up and yet at the same time It's taking forever because my thoughts keep wandering.
After loads of info reading on this site and a few other that have been mentioned I started wondering if I'm even on the right medication?
And now since talking to my mum, am I even bp?
Does everything point to me being bp, from the impulsive move to wales (my cousin admitted to something similar), to spending the £20,000 I got taking out a mortgage on my house to cover the debt I've built up! Then there's the black pit of despair I've been in when I realised what I've done. The not being able to face going to work, the wanting to scream at my boss and actually screaming at my kids. There's a fair bit of turning into superwoman, usually accompanied by a strong feeling of guilt for the way I've been behaving When I'm in 'superwoman mode' things get done but then there's the crashing where I seem to need to sleep all the time.
Has talking to my mum made things worse? or am I being paranoid? I like to think I'm reasonably intelligent nut this has got me all so confused.Of course it could be that I'm totally sane and shouldn't be on any medication.
I've completely lost my train of thought now. If you've just read all that then I'm sorry, I don't know what my point was.
Oh on this subject, it just occured to me that there have been some studies done about bipolar and genetics and inheritance - I know that About listed one just the other day in their email newsletter (if you have not signed up for this yet its worth it) - you can read that here : http://bipolar.about.com/cs/bpbasics/a/what_causes_bp.htm
they reference an old psychology today study from the university of michigan - artile here : http://bipolar.about.com/cs/menu_science/a/press_umich0210.htm
Its something to read as its interesting, pubmed has a lot of articles but they are not always accesible, I have a copy of the the book Abnormal Psychology :An Introduction which is a very easy book to read and worth the time, you can actually pick up copies on Amazon for a dollar or 2 second hand as well - there is also an online course on Abnormal Psychology which I have referred to many times - its here : http://www.free-ed.net/free-ed/SocialScience/Psych/psych04_TXT.asp
The key to bipolar from where I sit is education - educating yourself about your meds and their effects and side effects and about the disease and how you behave, the triggers and danger points is a vital weapon in the war for control of your mind - it wont stop you getting blindsided by the unusual or when things spiral out of control which is what has happened to me this past few weeks but it will help you recognise when you are riding on the egde so you can seek help and it make you a better patient. After all bipolar is not just for christmas its for life ;)
they reference an old psychology today study from the university of michigan - artile here : http://bipolar.about.com/cs/menu_science/a/press_umich0210.htm
Its something to read as its interesting, pubmed has a lot of articles but they are not always accesible, I have a copy of the the book Abnormal Psychology :An Introduction which is a very easy book to read and worth the time, you can actually pick up copies on Amazon for a dollar or 2 second hand as well - there is also an online course on Abnormal Psychology which I have referred to many times - its here : http://www.free-ed.net/free-ed/SocialScience/Psych/psych04_TXT.asp
The key to bipolar from where I sit is education - educating yourself about your meds and their effects and side effects and about the disease and how you behave, the triggers and danger points is a vital weapon in the war for control of your mind - it wont stop you getting blindsided by the unusual or when things spiral out of control which is what has happened to me this past few weeks but it will help you recognise when you are riding on the egde so you can seek help and it make you a better patient. After all bipolar is not just for christmas its for life ;)
I am bipolar, my brother is VERY *L* bipolar, my Mom is bipolar,
my G'mother was bipolar, my Great G'mother on the other side was
Bipolar....
my daughter is bipolar & has ocd....
IMO it definitely runs in families...
My ex husband therefore my Daughters Dad was homicidal, & had ocd,
plus delusions....(he cut my carotid artery 8 years ago & is prison
for 20 years), which tremendously helped *SIGH* sarcastic one, my
issues....
Anyhow, hope that helps you forrm your own thoughts!
my G'mother was bipolar, my Great G'mother on the other side was
Bipolar....
my daughter is bipolar & has ocd....
IMO it definitely runs in families...
My ex husband therefore my Daughters Dad was homicidal, & had ocd,
plus delusions....(he cut my carotid artery 8 years ago & is prison
for 20 years), which tremendously helped *SIGH* sarcastic one, my
issues....
Anyhow, hope that helps you forrm your own thoughts!
I consider this my most important rule to live by - don't let the disease win . I try and live by that, some days I lose and some days I win but its my goal.
Its ok, we all get rambling sometimes trust me.
Ok your first question seems to be is BP hereditary - the answer is well inconclusive at this point and to understand why you have to look at what Bipolar is - Traditionally there was a disease called Manic Depression which was a catch all of the 3 mood disorders - Bipolar I, Bipolar II and Cyclothymia - Some decades back the use of the term Manic Depression began to fall out of favour and the sub categories became used - this means that data was not collected in what might be the best manner on bipolar patients because Manic Depression was a catch all.
From what is known now from studies and ongoing research bipolar does have a genetic link - Children of Bipolar parents have a higher rate of being bipolar than children of on bipolar parents. Personally my mother was BP and both my brothers also show BP traits, he mother was BP and so were her sisters. BP is hereditary, I know too many families where it runs in the family to believe anything else.
OK some of the things you are talking about are very very much bipolar behaviour - spending sprees, feeling like superwoman, wanting to scream at the boss - these are manic acts and we all have them or some degree of them. Paranoia. Check.
The very first thing to do is take a deep breath, right now youre probably a little hypomanic, youre writing style shows that. Its ok. Just sit quitely for about 10 or 15 minutes and close your eyes and breath in an out deeply - know it sounds hokey but it works trust me.
Next thing is call your pdoc or therapist. If youre not sure whats going on they are a great place to talk or ask here, there are some wonderful people here, I would not be here right now if was not for them.
Remember this - you are not alone. We are all in this together.
Ok your first question seems to be is BP hereditary - the answer is well inconclusive at this point and to understand why you have to look at what Bipolar is - Traditionally there was a disease called Manic Depression which was a catch all of the 3 mood disorders - Bipolar I, Bipolar II and Cyclothymia - Some decades back the use of the term Manic Depression began to fall out of favour and the sub categories became used - this means that data was not collected in what might be the best manner on bipolar patients because Manic Depression was a catch all.
From what is known now from studies and ongoing research bipolar does have a genetic link - Children of Bipolar parents have a higher rate of being bipolar than children of on bipolar parents. Personally my mother was BP and both my brothers also show BP traits, he mother was BP and so were her sisters. BP is hereditary, I know too many families where it runs in the family to believe anything else.
OK some of the things you are talking about are very very much bipolar behaviour - spending sprees, feeling like superwoman, wanting to scream at the boss - these are manic acts and we all have them or some degree of them. Paranoia. Check.
The very first thing to do is take a deep breath, right now youre probably a little hypomanic, youre writing style shows that. Its ok. Just sit quitely for about 10 or 15 minutes and close your eyes and breath in an out deeply - know it sounds hokey but it works trust me.
Next thing is call your pdoc or therapist. If youre not sure whats going on they are a great place to talk or ask here, there are some wonderful people here, I would not be here right now if was not for them.
Remember this - you are not alone. We are all in this together.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Bipolar Disorder Community
15 signs that it’s more than just the blues
Discover the common symptoms of and treatment options for depression.
We've got five strategies to foster happiness in your everyday life.
Don’t let the winter chill send your smile into deep hibernation. Try these 10 mood-boosting tips to get your happy back
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
