High functioning bipolar woman response

[insearchof4]

Michele63...you are not alone in your plight to find other women in your situation!!  We are all over the country.  I guess that's why these chat rooms can bring so much comfort.  It's hard to find our 'kind' in the real world because no one is willing to where a sign saying..."Hi, I'm Bipolar, will you be my friend"...LOL.  I'm being silly, and I live 3,000 miles from you in Jacksonville, Florida.  I am 53 and was not diagnosed with BP1 until 18 months ago.  I probably had a milder version before then but it did not interfere with my life.  I had a six figure job, a beautiful home and all the seemingly perfect trappings of life.  It was in mid-2005 that things took a dark turn for me.  I started using coccaine (at my age!) recreationally.  I traveled a LOT back then with my career and I would be so dead by Friday night...so I was around it all the sudden on Friday nights when with a certain circle of new friends.  It gave me the energy that I desperately needed to enjoy the evening.  It wasn't long (probably 3 months) before I was using it just to help me with my very demanding job.  I guess menopause was impacting my energy levels, too, not just the travel and long hours.  Anyway, coccaine became my newfound energy source and it seemed to be under control.  Ha!!  What a joke.  Within 6 months, I was using daily.  I even traveled on airplanes with a small stash.  Very reckless.  Apparently, the coccaine use (lasted 18 months with the last year being daily), I became Bipolar.  The drug must have set off the illness to full-blown Type 1 disorder.  Unbeknownst to me, my colleagues were one-by-one starting to despise me...my personality had changed so much for the negative.  Then the dreaded day came when my boss asked me to start looking for another job.  It destroyed me.  I had a complete breakdown and couldn't get out of bed for 6 months.  Moving to the present, I am now drug-free and have been for 18 months.  After checking myself into a psychiatric hospital (no one in my family knew because I went to Dallas, TX to do it...all by myself).  I was either going to kill myself or get help.  It was then that I was immediately diagnosed and treated.  It took 6 months for the meds to stabilize my brain.  For the past year, I have been doing great!!  I love to do all the things you mentioned.  I'm into Yoga these days, too.  It really helps me...I highly recommend it to an other BP sufferers.  It is amazing how it calms me and yet gives immense energy at the same time.  Only started a month ago.  The career situation is still a struggle.  The job market is so bad and I was in management positions for a long time.  The hardest part of life right now is not working....I spend most of my time looking for a job...found one with a great role and income but it required a lot of travel again.  I think heavy travel is not good...I need consistency and stability.  But it's hard to find work outside of my own niche/specialty.  We all have stories to tell and I've talked too long.  I just found this forum yesterday and will be starting my day everyday with it to help me bond with new friends and get the strength to tackle a lonely day of job hunting (mostly on the Internet and most being by myself all the time...ugh!!).  I'm a total people person and now my personality is pretty normal.  All my friends and family say how glad they are to have the "real" me back again.  I hope I can get back into the work world very soon...it's my biggest struggle in life right now.  My name is Lisa.  Love to hear back from you soon!

[triedeverymed]

Your story is all too common. Late diagnosis, drug abuse, and out of work. But the good news is there are high funtioning people with Bipolar. I am one. I own a business, although I am looking for a different job, a change if you will. And I can do anything I want without the bipolar getting in the way. It wasn't an easy road. Lots of medications were tried and I too recieved a late diagnosis & abused prescription drugs. Now that I am on the right medication, my life has returned to what is was before the bipolar got really bad.
Keep your chin up, that job is out there for you and you will find it when the time is right. You are very right about keeping a steady schedule and avoiding lots of travel is probably a good idea, unless it's fun travel!! LOL
Keep focused on the job hunt and your biggest worry will not be a wory anymore.
Best of luck!!

[Jikan]

I doubt that your use of cocaine was the cause of your bipolar disorder. We often use drugs and alcohol to self medicate our disorder before we even know we have it. I'm not sure I understood all your comments, but it sounds like your downhill spiral started with  your cocaine abuse. I used alcohol as my medication and ended up in a psychiatric hospital for 6 months where I was diagnosed with a variety of problems, some of which I still suffer today.  I'm also out of work and on disability and although I've tried a few part-time jobs I usually lost them or quit due to the stress and my condition.   Therefore, I would be careful with the kind of work you find and decide whether it's the best thing to do. You might want to discuss the work issue with your doctor and/or counselor since they can look at you objectively and give you a better idea as to whether you're ready to work again. Congratulations on dropping the cocaine and starting yoga, which is quite useful as is meditation.  I assume you are on medication since you say you're pretty normal now and that's great. Good luck Lisa in all your future endeavers.

Michael