How To Spot Hypomania in Yourself? Signs?

[ILADVOCATE]

I know its easy to tell someone they are hypomanic. But what about yourself? And that full blow mania is frightening. But hypomania can seem like "fun" but it quickly spirals into full blown mania. We've all experienced it. Including myself. And aren't always self aware. But how can we stop it before it gets worse?
For myself signs of hypomania (remember its complex because I have schizoaffective)
include:
contacting people I hardly know, feelings that "I love everyone" (elation), hypersexuality, overspending, feelings of paranoia (people who are annoying become "threatening"), doing passive aggressive or hostile pranks (in the past), self medicating with natural remedies (in the past), drinking large amounts of caffeinated beverages (in the past), overstating my important/thinking I could "change the world", unable to concentrate on tasks but becoming obssessed with something unimportant.
Right now I am to the point where I can spot this and catch it before it gets worse. Can you? What happens with you?
Can you stop it? And could you learn?

[horselover65]

I think I understand some of your work experience. Most of the computer stuff is Greek to me, but I managed to work on both SAP and Oracle as a "stupid user". Here at home, I'm afraid to do much of anything. I know zip about programming. Hubby does a little customization. He's self-employed, but he does work with/for people in companies. Some of them make me look like Mary Sunshine-Stability. Luckily, most are awesome and he loves the new places and new challenges. He's a former accountant, so there ya go. He fell into the computer stuff because he liked it and had an affinity for it. I'm sure the past 9-10 years are like a dream come true for him, LOL! I haven't worked in 8 (?) years now. I'd be terrified to try it because I am so unreliable. I'm worse now than I was when I worked and I wasn't great when I worked, but got lucky in a job where I stayed a temp and basically set my own hours for five years. I worked harder and more efficiently than anyone else when I was there, so it wasn't a big deal when I wasn't there...except some of my co-workers resented it. It wasn't a bad job once I got to quit wearing dresses :-)

I can see where websites would be boring. My husband learned html to do one for us years ago. Well, he didn't "learn" it, but he muddled through. Then, all these people started telling him, "there's a program for that, ya know, and it's really easy". Do they even use html any more? (No idea if they do or not. Is that something a person should know?) I'd imagine a bigger, more complicated site would be a lot of the stuff I thought looked incredibly tedious. (That is part of why I am not good with the computer. NO PATIENCE). I can see why you might not want to go back to that or to programming. The only thing that detailed that would interest me would be forensics - and not computer forensics. Genetics - now there's a complicated area with huge elements of tedium that still manages to be sexy.

I wish you luck in getting disability. Know going in that you will likely be turned down and have to appeal. It's like a game they play. I'm not on disability but have had a few internet buddies through the years who were. I hope things go well. Hang in there!

I hope the internet-based business picks up if that's the direction you end up going. Is that something you enjoy? I think at this point finding something you like doing is a good idea. I like sitting on my butt. I'm a huge success.

Seriously, I have thought of being a greeter at Wal-Mart. They are an evil company that I try to avoid and a lousy employer (my mom works in their vision center now), BUT they are nearby. One reason I quit working before was the commute. No joke. I just knew that one day I would snap in traffic and ram into whoever hacked me off. People complain about L.A. traffic/drivers. Well, I've driven in L.A. and I still think Dallas is the worst. I used to work for a guy and he was one of the ones who would drive down the shoulder when there was traffic. Used to scare me to death. No point to that story, sorry. Just a digression.

I think I can identify with your depressions. Until recently, I'd say that I was depressed almost all the time. The only things I have to do is feed animals so they don't starve. Everything else is optional. I go days or weeks without dressing and, the absolute worst, I won't bathe at all. Disgusting. I live on soda and cigarettes during those times. I imagine someone walking in and immediately calling 911 to have me hauled off. It's the only perk of being married to someone who stays in denial. He smiles, gives me a hug and pretends not to notice anything - not even the odor. I have to reek of cigarettes, at least. I'm not stinky otherwise, but I've gotta be oozing cigaretee stench from every pore and every hair. Oddly, I frequently want to disappear regardless of my emotional state. Did I read you mention that somewhere? If I get upset about something - something totally normal - my first inclination is to want to disappear. My personal theory is that it is a self-worth issue. I don't feel I deserve to exist. I think that is also why sometimes I am reckless. However, I do not feel bungee jumping is reckless. No, that's good, old-fashioned fun.

I think I'd like to help people who need it for whatever reason - and also help people who are helping animals or other people to the detriment of themselves. Sometimes we get sucked into things and it takes a huge toll on us. The house/car/children and etc. all suffer, but it's easy not to recognize that when you're in the middle of it. I think it'd also be wonderful to show up at someone's house who'd had a setback and make their mortgage/rent payments or replace that car that was on its last legs. I'd love to help som abused wife get her life back together - maybe she's out here far from her family. Be great to hand her a plane ticket... But back to reality, this year I am buying board games and toys all year - at least once a month, I'm getting classic stuff like Barbies, Candyland, balls, etc. that are on sale. No trendy stuff - I wouldn't have a clue what was "in"... That way, when I see something on the news about families in need or when it's time for Toys 4 Tots next year, it will all be done. I got Candyland for five bucks. I think that's a good deal.

I'm amazed your hypomanic episodes have a focus, especially a meaningful, productive one. I think that's exceptional. If I have a focus, it is ridiculous. Cleaning with a toothbrush, for example.

I should stop now. No idea if I've stayed on topic or not. I think a lot of us are marching toward senility together, some faster than most. Considering I'm looking back two generations at dementia and Alzheimer's, I'd guess I'm probably slightly ahead of some folks. That's okay. You know what they say - you get to meet new people.  

[daledude]

Man, you are a posting machine. :)

And you are a very good writer as well. How can you do that!? I agree with you: when I'm depressed, that is when I'm most in need of help, but it also seems that the last thing that I'm able to do when badly depressed is to look for help. My wife is great and always supportive, but I'm so completely miserable that I hide out to keep from treating everyone else like ****.

I also hide out because I always end up in really bad arguments with my teenage daughter over something, anything. It seems like when I'm in a bad place, she's always in a bad place too. We both get hugely angry with each other, yelling at each other. The anger just seems to push me deeper into depression and despair.

My new plan is to get a good therapist and meds doc in place now, so that when I start getting depressed again I'll have some additional help in place and hopefully find something that works well as a mood stabilizer for me.

[daledude]

I was kind of from the old school of computer programming although I worked on PC's of some variety since I first started working. Schools didn't have PC's at all yet when I went to school.

A year ago or so I tried to transition to website programming. I worked my *** off for months trying to get transitioned, but I just couldn't pull it off.

A few years back I thought I finally had it made. I went to work for a large company doing website work. I was simultaneously bored to tears and in over my head. I really felt like I was in prison and that I was an outsider that couldn't fit in, and I didn't have enough concentration and memory to catch up with my peers. I couldn't stand it. On my last day there I thought that if I stayed there another hour I'd go absolutely out of my mind, so I finally just left in the middle of the day and emailed my boss from home to let him know. I was only there for a few weeks, and I had missed many days in that time due to my mom's illness and death, so I was really only in the office for probably 5 days full-time. It was just horrible for me.

That was my last attempt at working for someone else. I'm a lot worse off now than I was then. I've just recently applied for disability because there is no way that I could work in any traditional work environment at this point, mostly because of the depression, but also because of social anxiety. I've thought about doing something really easy like pumping gas, but the depression makes me completely unreliable. There are many, many days when there is no way I'm going anywhere, especially to work for somebody.

If I weren't currently hypomanic I wouldn't be making postings here either. I'm disablingly depressed about 75% of the time over the past few years and it's gotten worse over the past 6 months or so. I'm really not complaining about it, it's just the way that it is. I have felt scared about it recently for the first time, as it feels like I'm loosing something mentally, though I can't say exactly what - sharpness maybe. I kept thinking that I was going to pull out of it and be able to go back to work. I still hold hope that I can go back to work at some point, but that possibility seems to be moving farther away, at least at this time.

Fortunately, while I was still programming I started up a small Internet based business that is amazingly still up and running and profitable. It's not profitable enough to make a living from, and in fact we are currently on food stamps for the last couple of months. We've just about used up all of our savings and will have to start digging into retirement funds soon if I don't get disability.

So I really don't know what I'll be able to do in regards to work, or if I'd even be interested in going back to programming again. There is a part of me that feels sick just thinking about it. :) For right now my focus is trying to do whatever I can to get myself doing the best that I can possibly do. In fact it's kind of funny, but that's the "focus" of this particular episode of hypomania. Then if I get better enough and stable enough to go back to work in some way, I'll see what makes sense and sounds good. If I were feeling good enough I may be able to expand my small business so that it can actually support us.

If I dream big, I'd also like to do something to help people. It would be great to be able to help other people with bipolar somehow. But that just seems too remote a possibility to consider now.

I think Oprah is great, and amazing. How in the heck can she possibly do all of the things that she does? There must be at least 4 or 5 of her to do it all! There would need to be about 10 of me I think.

God, I hope I'm not repeating myself with all of my rambling, making a written record of my progression into senility. :)

[alzandra]

When I start to get depressed, my best friend is there for me.  She checks up on me on a regular  basis, and she doesn't take no for an answer.  She's like my "Gordon Ramsey" of depression, sans swearing and put-downs.  She makes sure that I will not lose out to depression.  She is stronger than that.  

Now we all know that no matter how much behavioural therapy we self-apply, no matter how much my friend can convince me to get out of bed when feeling really low and no matter what the personal costs are, depression can't always be beat.  This is where I am more lucky than most ppl.  Someone can always get me to the hospital and to the psych ward for outpatient care, or the two blocks to my psychiatrist, or the 3 blocks to my GP for an emergency assessment and readjustment of meds if necessary.

So far, I have been able to remain out of the hospital for any length of time as a result of BP.  I believe that the quick actions of my best friend, doctors, and my 13 year old son, make it that way.

[ILADVOCATE]

  That's interesting because when I'm depressed that's actually when I need to reach out to other people the most. I find that I can "deactivate" the depression through helping others because if I bring some meaning to other people's lives then I can't say my life lacks meaning. Its harder for me to find self directed happinness but this is more the Parkinsonian depression I experience as its very different from what I had before recovery from schizoaffective and its helped by medications that treat Parkinson's although that's not my disability.
  Before recovery I was a rapid cycler. I would go from feelings of life being worthless to feelings of elation that it was "the best day in my life" within hours. And I was in a continual agitated mixed state and honestly was a selfish person who used people. People had trouble accepting my physical disability but people more had trouble understanding that I had recovered mentally and they still felt they needed to be in control. But they accepted it after a while and then they were motivated to accept their own disabilities. And if I seem in better spirits today its because to get out at all I had to take more rhodiola which is in study for Parkinson's, tardive dyskinesia (what I have) and standard clinical depression. I do hope from research can identify a medication from that but I think they will. Unfortunately, the claims of "restoring energy" that you read about it online are not scientific enough. It brings up dopamine (that I need) and serotonin (which people with depression need) and its made a big difference in my life and I did find out about it from a presentation by the researcher but its still an unknown quantity. Perhaps that will change.

[horselover65]

Thanks for thinking I'm funny. I find it's easier online.

You've had a lot of success and should be proud. Right now, so many people are having setbacks every place one looks. It doesn't make it easier, but you are really not alone. When you speak of reinventing yourself I wonder what you are considering. Yes, hideously serious now - do you want to stay in computers? How are you with software? Just curious if you wanted to go to something completely different or stay in computers. My husband does financial software consulting. It's a more stable livelihood than I expected, but the downside is that what he does is usually 100% travel. I live for the day he can work from home. Let me re-phrase that: I live for the day he can work from home in an office with the door closed and not be in my face. Now, he might be home but he's not really available which does not stop him from "working" from the sofa where I'm watching Ellen.

What I would love to do is be someone who helps others and makes them happy - that's probably why I admire people like Oprah and Ellen. (I know - cheesy!!!)  People a lot of men don't "get" although I converted my husband easily. Then again, he's a closet Jerry Springer junkie and finds many American phenomena fascinating. I like to see people goofing off, having fun, and getting a little help when they need it... I was looking for an uplifting movie a few minutes ago. Not a romantic comedy. Not a tear-jerker. You'd think it wouldn't be hard with a zillion movie channels. There was nothing on but Reno 911 type comedies, suspense/horror or action films, etc. Doesn't it seem strange that no one has come up with a channel devoted to feel-good subject matter?  

Hope you are still here when you need us. You seem very thoughtful and level-headed. Nice to meet you.