4067477 tn?1450124336

How do I deal with the frustration of my Hypersexuality?

I am in a big quandry--- I am very hypersexual---all the time--even on antidepressants and 3 mood stabilizers. I have never strayed from my marriage-- but my husband has a lower sex drive than other men I've been with  before getting married- and he's not very accommodating alot of the time....This hurts my feelings an makes me feel bad about myself even more. (low self esteem) and I did try masturbating -- but it's not the same as sex with my husband. I guess I need the sex with him to feel loved and connected to him. Though he is the greatest man I know, and treats me very well. We've had some sexual issues in the past-- him with porn and masturbation --which I am VERY against-- to me it's the same as cheating.....Yet here we are 10 years together, and happy. Except for my sex drive. I sometimes think he builds a wall between us to avoid it anymore. and often just blames my bipolar anytime I want to have sex with him-- even if i am just feeling "Normal" in my sexuality--- this hurts. Usually the only time he wants sex is when HE initiates it---- and that is never turned down and is always good, or better than good. But he so very often refuses me if I initiate--- when we first got together that was a big turn on for him---then I got diagnosed as bipolar. He didn't take it well, and didn't support me in anyway for a couple of years. (his ex-wife was bipolar- he knew that when he married her- and they had a terrible marriage and nasty breakup) that was about 5 years before me. It's taken him a long time to become understanding and supportive of me--- I feel like I had to prove myself to him that I was not like his ex.... that hurt too. We finally-- 5 years into our marriage put that ***** to rest. We've had some counseling-- when he was doing porn so much and avoiding sex with me. But we ended up working that out ourselves. Difficult but we did it-- I finally told him its me or porn-- you cant have both--and handed him my wedding ring. He was crushed and began talking with me more and avoiding the porn more and more til he stopped. That was about 4 years ago. We have not had any issue with it since. But back to me--- all that affects me still, (PTSD) and makes me paranoid as hell sometimes. Then I feel more driven to want sex with him so as to keep him satisfied well enough that he won't be tempted to use porn again---then comes my super high sex drive as well--- and we go to bed with me wanting for sex and him wanting just to hold me instead-- often it's very frustrating. But I take what I can get.  I'm not in therapy any more since he lost his job in the oil/gas industry crash a year ago--- we have no insurance except my medicare i get with my disability.....I have my GP write my RX's for my psych meds-- and he added the third mood stabilizer about a month ago. I feel the most "stable" I have ever felt--- to the point of being almost a drone...LOL! (no temper flares, no deep depression- pretty decent sense of self) ... Though
my sex drive and bit of paranoia are my biggest problems. How do I deal with those?  I love my husband very much--- and I seem to be what his world revolves around.... We try to be totally honest with each other-- but sometimes I find that hard to do about my sexuality-- and I feel I am acting as someone I'm really not in bed just to please him and keep him placated. I'm very reserved in bed with him-- not the sex crazed kinky person I used to be with my ex and lover before I met my current husband.... met my current husband..... I feel lost sometimes - like I am lying to him not being my true self-- because I can't let go in bed ---and I know he would just say "it's just the bipolar making you act this way.".....But that's not always true. I can't talk to him about this. Too many reasons to list- but one being I'm scared of how he might react--and call it just a symptom of my bipolar....  I don't know how to deal with the problems in our sex life ( my hypersexuality) ( he thinks nothing is wrong and says he's satisfied as is) We only have sex about 3 times a week, sometimes more. I'd like it every day. :)  He seems indifferent to me, and cold--not very affectionate quite alot. This hurts me.
I need advice on how to handle these feelings and deal with my hypersexuality.... I'm frustrated with myself and with life right now..... (Sorry I rambled on and on...)
2 Responses
Avatar universal
Question: What is his age?  In my marriage it was just the opposite, up until a couple of years ago.  I had the super high sex drive and she didn't. As I've gotten older I think my hormones have something to do with it.  I just turned 52.  In my marriage, we've hit a happy medium.  You may want to look at getting a hormone level done.  It may be as easy as getting some testosterone but if there's a history or family history of prostate cancer they may be reluctant to prescribe it.
4067477 tn?1450124336
He is 41 I am 44. Have had hormone testing done-- testosterone levels were normal. No FH of prostate cancer or anything that I know of.
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