Thanks for your concern and encouragement. I am very warmed by it. it's okay You misread me. I was talking about grief mostly. It's really great to hear your advice. I take it to heart and practice. warm smiles back and hugs.
I've tried almost every med, and combo incl. antidepressant and mood stabilizers. 3 yr ago we tried clozapine (a last ditch) It has been my "wonder drug". It's a hassle due to frequent blood tests to make sure the white blood cell count stays up. The the ceiling dose is 900 mg and I'm currently @ 325 mg, so there's plenty of wiggle room if needed.
Everybody responds to meds differently but for someone who is desperate it might be worth discussing with your dr.
I am very sorry for the passings of your brother and father. I lost a sibling and my father also. I was still on mood stabilizers and not very well, so my meds got shored up. I was terribly distraught about them being gone and dreaded waking up and facing another day knowing that. The grief eases up. It took myself a couple of years before I noticed it wasn't so constant. Grief is very personal, so I won't pretend to know what you are going through.