I'm unraveling

[L9rrie]

Usually an awesome grandma, but just can't take the screaming and constancy (14 hours a day, 5 days a week, then other cuties-but handfuls on the weekends when I'm disabled due to mental illness!) of my one-year old, spoiled grandson.  He is teething and spoiled anyway.  I'm currently under a blanket on the floor, with headphones on & have been having panic attacks (privately for a couple weeks, getting worse.  I need something, but am his parents'  lifeline right now.  They have no one else & are doing work/school, technically one vehicle, etc.  now, great!  Grandpa has let him out!  I need out.  My stomache is even sick.

[L9rrie]

Thank you all!  I wish I had been present & faithful enuf to read this.  Instead, ended up in outpatient care  uhhhgain!!!!  Now here I am uhhhgain cutting uhhhgain...hopefully won't end up in a program uhhhhgain...it's realllly just a scratch....especially compared to my usual.  I don't wanna be in the hospital but want people to quit the hell bossing me around!!!  I've lived plenty enuf to make my own damn choices....dammit!!!

[DavidinLexington]

If you are not on something for panic attacks like klonopin ask for a good strong dose now.  In my experience klonopin is the best because it seems to work longer and seems less addictive.  You also need to ask grandpa for help and get up and go for a walk or a drive when you are in need of free time.  And also  explain this to their parent is and ask if they can possibly inquire about free child care if they are low income or a babysitter part of the day at least if they not low income.   And remember I am not a doctor and cannot give medical advice.  But I share your problems.  

[danalynnlobo]

I am so sorry.  That sounds very overwhelming!  I too am a "hands-on" grandma and I know that it can be very tiring, and all consuming.  My daughter just left her husband, for very good reason by the way.  She is working and was about to start school in August, but put it off until January because of everything.  They live with me now and it's 24/7!  She has a four and a half year old and a three and half year old.  I guess I'm lucky that I don't also have disability to deal with and I feel so much for you because it's hard for me too.  I wish there was something I could do for you or some great advice I could give you that would help, but I can't think of anything.  Just hang in there and please take care of yourself first.  Go to your doctor and see if there is help with the panic attacks for you.  Maybe there will be a time they can give you a complete break soon, let them know that you need it.  You don't have to abandon them, but maybe a day to yourself, or a weekend without kids.  SOMETHING!  You need a break.  I know it's hard to say no because you want to help, but just let them know you need something.  I'm sure they want you healthy and happy just as much as you want to help.  Prayers for sure coming your way!!  
Dana