Is anyone else REALLY insecure?

[CrzyBeautiful1]

I'm just wondering if it is common for people who are bipolar to be very insecure? This may seem like a silly question, but maybe I'm just not explaining it right (I have trouble finding the right words to explain things sometimes).

I have not been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, however I am going to speak with my pdoc on my next visit about it because I now strongly believe I have bipolar type 2 and this has what has truly been wrong with me this whole time. Anyway, aside from all the symptoms I have which are ur average bipolar symptoms, I am also a very insecure person when it comes to my love life. I am sometimes extremely happy with my hubby and feel like I have the best man in the world, and other times I feel like "what the hell am I doing with my life?!". And then there are times where I feel extremely unimportant, ugly, fat and so on. And when I feel this way I constantly worry that my hubby doesn't love me enough. I'm always having to have reassurance. The only time I feel confident is when I'm really happy...then I don't need reassurance. But I'm also a jealous person. And thats how I am all the time. I'm don't control my hubby or restrict him from doing what he wants to do or anything, but I do stupid stuff like it bothers me when hes telling me a story and it involves one of his exs or something. This is SOOO junior high, but I can't help feeling that way. I start getting my stupid panicky feelings and butterflies in my stomach from my stupid anxiety when this happens. I have been this way with all of my exs too. If I'm not always being told I'm pretty and how much I'm loved I feel horrible. I'm just wondering if this is common with bipolar or is this something stemming from my childhood thats seperate. Or maybe bipolar could be making it worse. I know growing up I never felt like I made my dad proud. He always seems to point out the flaws and I don't remember him ever telling me he was proud of me. If he did, it was because I would do something great then say, "Dad, aren't u proud of me? Didn't I do good?" and he'd say "oh yes!" which sounded so fake and unamused when he said it. So now I figure thats why I'm the way I am in my relationships. Sounds like I kinda answered my question, but I'm wondering if maybe bipolar can contribute to this if in fact I am. And I'm not exactly sure if thats exactly why I'm that way, I just sorta figured that out on my own...was never told that by my pdoc or anything.

Anybody else really insecure or jealous?

I

[CrzyBeautiful1]

I have a total fear of getting into a new relationship. I don't think I'll ever be able to get into a new relationship again adn go through all the wonderful "honeymoon" period feelings again, just to be let down again. Luckily, my bf is WONDERFUL and very supportive. For me, he's perfect in everyway. I still get paranoid feelings that he is going to leave me though. Sometimes they completely overwhelm me to where its all I can think about. Since being dx with BPD, I've learned that its a common trait for us. I try to tell myself its the BPD talking, but I still can't help it.

[yupyupyupyup]

"my greatest fear..." You know my greatest fear is to love another person, because of all those I have lost already. I am so wounded that I'm afraid to be in a relationship. I've lost all my self confidence there.

[omg25]

Im insecure..everyone tells me how beautiful i am but i dont see it..i feel fat and i feel my butt is small and i have a big stomach..i was shoping for a outfit on friday and i felt so messed up..everything i tried made me look even fatter..supposely i started a diet on sat but ate like a pig..Then i started comparing myself to every girl that passed by me..then i started thinking maybe i should lose sum weight before my boyfriend changes me for a skinny chick...
I also have days when im mad in love with my boyfriend and there is times when when i hate him and i feel i can do better..or i feel that i want to be by myself and be single and have fun...but the truth is hes a great man..he has made me want to be a better person..there is no one like him..he takes care of my three children and I..and none of the kids are his...I love him alot..

[paranoid_cataclysm]

With insecurity issues you have to find an antithesis to your insecurity to overcome it.  Like I was feeling insecure that I wasn't doing enough with my life but then I came to the realization that the universe is going to destroy itself and everything everyone accomplished along with it including their legacies and such and now I don't feel insecure in that way anymore.  Kind of extreme but it works.  I always feel like I'm fat and **** but then I just think well everyone usually gets fat when they get older because their metabolism slows down so it's inevitable and it doesn't bother me quite as much.  I can't say I just blindly do stuff to make the situation worse however like I won't go out and eat 50 bazillion cheeseburgers all at once because I feel like it.

[Xila31]

I have the same problem with people. I always think they don't like me or they will get bored of me and leave me. This also tends to make me jealous. I worry that other people will outshine me and I can't possibly compete with them, so the people in my life will leave me for this new person. I hate it.

[Alex_X_18]

I noticed I'm very insecure about stuff in general,......
my week suites are the things I point out first
I talk too much, my family doesn't make enough money, I'm not intresting enought or know enough about pop culture, I don't have a good sence of humor, ppl must thing I'm lazy or a messy eater  and I'm not quick at learning new things,....I'm slightly overweight evcen though I only weight 150lbs I'm still inconfident about my body
I go on and on at times just comparing myself to who I am now to who I should be
I make new friends and assume they don't like me or want me around its funny
I will have not heard from someone for awhile and assume that they just totally forgot about me but tgen I'll check my myspace or phone and see that they've contacted me like where'd u go? I miss you call me or how are things???
I get insecure when it comes to talking to new ppl or large social groups
it seems like I just freeze up and can't thing of anything to say and by the time I do the subject has changed and I just leave thinking damn they must think I'm dumb
I do have insecurity about relationships too
I worry that the guy will get tired of me and leave
luckily I'm dating a guy who is a bit paranoid too
so it seems to make things a bit easier...
occasionally I can be a tad jelous
hasn't been a problem lately normally if its something small I choose to let it go

[CrzyBeautiful1]

Thank you so much for all the replies. I was seeing a therapist, and really enjoyed it, but unfortunetly I am going through hard financial times now because I'm going to school to finish up my nursing, and so I'm limited on work hours. I am not able to see a counselor right now. I really wish I could, but I can barely afford even seeing the nurse practitioner at the guidance and counseling center for my meds. Another problem I have been falling into is not having the money to refill my scripts when I need to.

Xila, I am the same way with not being able to trust people. The worst thing for my is my jealousy issues. I know everyone is naturally going to be a little jealous, and I like that my hubby is a little jealous, but I feel I'm being too silly about it. I don't say much to him about it, its just the stupid feelings I get inside about stuff. Like I actually have physical symptoms in my stomach. Its my anxiety...my heart races, I get cramps, sweaty and butterflies. I HATE it! I know he loves me, and I trust him COMPLETELY, but I still can't shake the feelings. I can't stand the fact that he's even been with anyone else. ITS SOOO STUPID!  And the worst thing that I feel guilty about is the fact he has kids right now with someone else, and we don't have one together yet. I guess I may even be a little jealous of his kids...WHY?! Its so childish and I'm so ashamed of myself for feeling this way. This is the first time I have EVER admitted to anyone about my feeling of being jealous of his kids because theyre by another woman. I can't believe I'm even telling u guys this. Its like a horrible dark secret for me. It makes me hate myself. I'm disgusted right now because I've actually typed it out for everyone to read.  

[jimgreg]

most anyone that has any form of mental illness has these issues...this is a major role into the bp,s as well....when your deppressed then you get more insecure  than ever..i do alot..any given day..

[Xila31]

Yes, I have problems like this, too. I have the problem of feeling completely worthless and hated by everyone. It takes very little for me to believe I am hated by someone. I am terrified that my husband will suddenly just decide to leave. My greatest fear is to lose my husband and my children. I have lost so many people in my life that this terrifies me.

I, too, require a lot of reassurances. When I am constantly given criticism by people this is very hard for me to get passed. I have trouble remembering the good things people say about me after a while. It is hard for me to trust what people tell me, (co-workers or even family,) because something inside of me doesn't trust their motives.

Anyway, you're not alone. I hope you can find some help with things and feel better.  

[ILADVOCATE]

Yes insecurity and having trouble relating to people can be part of bipolar. That's why its good to have a talk therapist in addition to a psychiatarist. Some people find cognitive behavioral therapy to be helpful as well.