I am sorry you are going through this. I have Bipolar one and am also a counselor. I have been manic a few times and depressed right after. I have had mixed episodes as well. I know the rage but I have been hospitalized soon after. My mania escalates very fast and I need the hospital. As you said you are rapid cycling and I know that must be so difficult especially if medication has not helped. I hope you are not changing medication too rapidly. I can only suggest that you give yourself a break. It is not your fault as much as a brain tumor would not be your fault. I would suggest that when you are full of rage that you only participate in calming activities as walking with music on. exercising if you can, meditation . yoga ect. But the important part is not to fight with yourself or think you "should" be doing something. Sometimes all you can do is accept it and know it will subside. I don't know if I helped at all but I wish you all the best.
I understand how you must be feeling. The rage is uncontrollable and in fact it is very frustrating and can be embarrassing when you are around people. I was experiencing this for along time and I had destroyed many relationships. Dealing with the rage and taking it at one day at a time. Being aware when it builds up and walking away to avoid any conflict. I am sure you have tried everything and wish you all the best. Anytime is to chat about your emotions.
Me and my older brother both get this. Normally around October or November time, we get it at the same time...it doesn't end well at all. Our Dad gets it as well. For us, the only thing that helps us is just staying out of each other's way until the passes. We quite often go out to town (15 minutes away) and because the stress of being around each other isn't there we calm down for a while. I have two locks on my door because we've gotten so bad before that I'm genuinely afraid of him.
Hi Maureen, I know it’s been a while since you wrote your first post. ......I don’t believe in accidents; (I’m a magical thinker), so when I stumbled upon your situation I couldn’t believe it. We could be the same person. I have been dealing with exactly everything you mentioned for years.....EVERYTHING! ....even down to the “sewing” ....oh man, yes does that ever get you going when things don’t go smoothly eh?
Unlike you though, I lash out on others as well, then I turn it on to myself in the end anyway because I realize that it is ALL ME. Just coming to understand that my youngest daughter is living through the same thing. I also paint, and have done pours myself.. I too can not sit still so this depression is torture in the sense that I want to do things....but I can’t get myself to do them....can’t focus ...oh man, I have soooo many symptoms I rage, have mixed episodes, rapid cycle.... it scares the you know what out of me.... my “thoughts” are terrible....so awful....and fatalistic..... but the rage is something that is the hardest thing to control ...you know you’re in it, and you strain to stop it, but it just takes over.... i feel so immature... I am 60 this last April.
I’ve gone off and on my meds more times than I can count. I am currently having agoraphobic symptoms for some reason, .... I’ve only been out 4 times since November.
I could go on and on but I won’t overwhelm you. Just wanted to reach out because I couldn’t believe how I could stumble upon your post when I’ve been saying the exact thing to whoever will listen to me. ......which is not many people now, no friends (long story), live in the country for 8 years now.. I have never had my license to drive soooooooooo..... Ya, it’s a freakin nightmare all created by “yours truly”
Sincerely, Janice aka spider6
I have nothing but sympathy for you as I know how it feels to cycle through such horrific feelings without seemingly any end in sight. I am now 31, and was diagnosed a few months before my 30th birthday. Receiving a diagnosis was equal parts relief, fear and shame. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 but at the time, but had been on SSRI's that increased my mania, rage, depression, etc., and caused me to cycle between these for roughly six months. It was the hardest six months of my life and I am certain that I wouldn't be alive today were it not for the help of my doctors and therapist and my sheer will to live. It took me awhile to find a "magical combo" of drugs that leveled me out. I wouldn't say that I am "symptom-free" as I still experience extreme feelings, but nowhere as extreme as they were. I am able to get out of bed everyday and go to work, eat, sleep, study, enjoy life a little. You said that you have dealt with this for a very long time; do you think that there are other medications that you could try or have you tried everything? I wish that I could be more help but just know what I went through, how it was so similar to your situation, and what helped me.
I have Bipolar Disorder Type I.... Get your thyroid checked. Thyroid problems and bipolar disease go hand in hand.
Are you referring to the rage you feel when youre in mania and someone makes you try to feel bad and it kills your high? Isnt your rage a reaction to something happening ? When I get upset its always because something happened. Is that the case with you. I get really upset when people 'steal my energy' or make me feel bad for no reason. I hate that feeling
I am 64, bipolar and I also suffer from bouts of rage. I treat it with a very high level of medication which has bad side-effects. I also work from home. My rage and other bipolar symptoms have significantly damaged by life. Some people say I need more self-control; but it takes enormous self-control to manage brain problems.