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2010625 tn?1329375656

Is this anxiety or bipolar?

I am diagnosed with MDD (Major Depressive Dissorder), and GAD (Generalized Anxiety Dissorder). No SSRI meds have worked for either. My doctor has me on Lamotragine (Lamictal), because it is the only thing that has worked for my depression. I do believe I have some Anxiety issues, but I think some of the things I am experiancing are outside the realm of Anxiety. I have been cycling through emotions, and having spikes and falls of energy through out the day accomanied with racing thoughts. This episode seemed like it came out of the clear blue sky...no apparent trigger, with anxiety there is usually a worry trigger, and the racing or recurring thoughts are usually about what the worry is. One night I just started having racing thoughts in my sleep, not dreams...thoughts just like if I were awake, and they woke me up. My racing thoughts are kind of random and sometimes remotely related. Example; I don't understand why people put on a facade eventually you see who they really are. I remember this one judge I don't remember his name, but he was from Texas. I was watching him on TV one day and he was talking to this guy, and the Judge said; "that is bovine fecal matter". I thought it was funny, because it was witty. I have a new found appreciation for puns. I recall a pun "Squares and triangles agree circles are pointless". My mom also said I talked to her so much I made her sick. After a while of this cycling I seemed to even out on happy. In which case I had three epiphanies, felt like I had an extreme mental clarity, had like 5 poems swirrling around in my head. I obsessively sat down with a dictionary and attempted to write down these poems, but when I looked at them later some of it just seemed like an unorganized drawn out thing. What was the dictonary for? I was using big words, that I might not normally use and I wanted to make sure I was using them correctly...and I was. I felt smarter, and started sounding like an 18th century poet. I also have all these ideas for drawings, jewelry making, sculpture, and a very broadway type video, that includes all the details of clothing design, mask designs, musical format, and dancing choreography all laid out in my head. I keep thinking about all the things I will have to do to get some of these things done. Which also includes wanting to spend all my money on art supplies. I was unable to work on any of these things because of my responsibilities. I then felt compelled to run down the street...I did eventually after cleaning my entire house, dancing around and doing  fitness work out, and after all that I just never got tired. I finnally went to sleep and slept about six hours. I woke up hyper and just kept smiling for no apparent reason. I have also been having an increased sex drive. I once had this thought that I could move elements in a past life and I was mad because they made me forget how to do it. I really believed it at the moment I was thinking about it, but looking back on it now I am like oookkk? Oh yea I am also diagnosed with PMDD (Pre-Mestural Disphoric Dissorder). My mother is Bipolr I. I tried to tell my doctor these things and she wouldn't listen to it and said I was having anxiety. I told her I wasn't and she just didn't listen. I then got angry, because she was trying to tell me how I felt...How can anyone else tell you how you feel? Sometimes doctors really urk me!
16 Responses
Avatar universal
Not all meds make you dull and numb. It is a bit of trial and error. The reason you control the mania is because what goes up, comes down, and the down is usually harder the higher up you go.

As well manic spending, or sexual encounters can reak havoc on your life so that when you do come down you are left with a lot of cleaning up to do.

2010625 tn?1329375656
I stayed up half the last night writting poetry, because Icouldn't sleep. I got about 5 hours of sleep. Woke up feeling like I wanted to run down the block again.
2010625 tn?1329375656
I am cycling through emotions again. I hate this part. I feel euphoric, angry, and sad all at the same time. How is this even possible? I feel enegetic and exhausted. I feel like I am being ripped in half, and it is maddening. I go from being inspired by everything, and wanting to create and express all the beauty I see in the world. Having cumpulsions to be artistic to cumplusions of cutting my arm, or jumping off a bridge, bannging my head on a wall, or smashing and breaking everything in the room. I don't though I don't want anyone to see what I am feeling right now. I keep it all inside and it makes me feel like I am exploding inside. It makes me feel like begging someone to make it stop. I feel like no one listens and no one understands. I feel so alone in the world. So alone trapped inside myself.
2010625 tn?1329375656
It is over now. I feel like running down the street again. Looking back on what I just went through seem so hilarious....everything seems hilarious for that matter. How can anyone feel so inspired by their own agony.
2010625 tn?1329375656
Martyr for inspiration

Even melancholy is colorful
though not everyone can see it.
Within all its angles of darkness
there is still shining with light.
Even in death
there is still a bursting of life.
Every wilting flower
and cloudy day
still a beauty
to be portrayed

I would die a thousand
agonizing deaths
inside myself
to be reborn
precieving life
the world
this way
2010625 tn?1329375656
David cop a feel came to my house last night
I asked him what his motivation was
when his answer was not to my liking
I hastely kicked him out

Avatar universal
I would print out this post (minus the part about the doctor irking you. lol) and bring it to her. It also never hurts to get a second opinion.
2010625 tn?1329375656
I am sapposed to go to a new doctor, because I just lost my insurance. After her not listening I am glad I have to leave. I don't really want to go to the doctor anyways they will just make me dull and numb anyways with their meds. Besides this is so much better than being depressed. Why would I let them take this away from me.
1896954 tn?1323471896
wow you sound creative and imaginative I would say you are Bipolar but than again I am not a doctor. Just by everything you wrote is like your racing thoughts were jammed in one long paragraph and mini episodes of ups and downs.
2010625 tn?1329375656
Well I just got out of in patient stay, and they said I was having mania and was psychotic, lol. They put me on this horrible crap called seraquil (I don't know if I spelled that right). It made me sick and didn't really work...thank god they changed it! I am now on resperdal it works much better and has a lot less side effects for me. I don't know if they have changed my diagnosis or not. I have an appointment in the morning, but they discharged me without my meds. I guess they wont give them to me untill I go to my follow up appointment. I got lost twice driving to places I have been before and knew where they were at. They gave me directions also, but I couldn't understand them because they were too simple, lol. Anyways I am hyped up again without the meds and yaping my head off, and still have disorganized thoughts. I guess I was having delusional thoughts, lol. Hmm so how is everybody else doing? Lol
2010625 tn?1329375656
I was already down. I was depressed really bad for about 3-4 months. I was doing better for a while about a month or so and then I got like this, and have been off and on all of January, and it just seemed to get worse and worse as the month went on. I was kind of like this as a teenager, but it was not as severe or disrupting to my life.
2010625 tn?1329375656
Man what is wrong with these doctors....why in the heck would they send me home without any meds. I can't freaking sleep. I am so agitated right now! Can you have anxiety and mania at the same time. If so i think I am. I feel like crap. and again some freaking doctors really urk me!
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