Not all meds make you dull and numb. It is a bit of trial and error. The reason you control the mania is because what goes up, comes down, and the down is usually harder the higher up you go.
As well manic spending, or sexual encounters can reak havoc on your life so that when you do come down you are left with a lot of cleaning up to do.
I stayed up half the last night writting poetry, because Icouldn't sleep. I got about 5 hours of sleep. Woke up feeling like I wanted to run down the block again.
I am cycling through emotions again. I hate this part. I feel euphoric, angry, and sad all at the same time. How is this even possible? I feel enegetic and exhausted. I feel like I am being ripped in half, and it is maddening. I go from being inspired by everything, and wanting to create and express all the beauty I see in the world. Having cumpulsions to be artistic to cumplusions of cutting my arm, or jumping off a bridge, bannging my head on a wall, or smashing and breaking everything in the room. I don't though I don't want anyone to see what I am feeling right now. I keep it all inside and it makes me feel like I am exploding inside. It makes me feel like begging someone to make it stop. I feel like no one listens and no one understands. I feel so alone in the world. So alone trapped inside myself.
It is over now. I feel like running down the street again. Looking back on what I just went through seem so hilarious....everything seems hilarious for that matter. How can anyone feel so inspired by their own agony.
Martyr for inspiration
Even melancholy is colorful
though not everyone can see it.
Within all its angles of darkness
there is still shining with light.
Even in death
there is still a bursting of life.
Every wilting flower
and cloudy day
still a beauty
to be portrayed
I would die a thousand
to be reborn
David cop a feel came to my house last night
I asked him what his motivation was
when his answer was not to my liking
I hastely kicked him out
I would print out this post (minus the part about the doctor irking you. lol) and bring it to her. It also never hurts to get a second opinion.
I am sapposed to go to a new doctor, because I just lost my insurance. After her not listening I am glad I have to leave. I don't really want to go to the doctor anyways they will just make me dull and numb anyways with their meds. Besides this is so much better than being depressed. Why would I let them take this away from me.
wow you sound creative and imaginative I would say you are Bipolar but than again I am not a doctor. Just by everything you wrote is like your racing thoughts were jammed in one long paragraph and mini episodes of ups and downs.
Well I just got out of in patient stay, and they said I was having mania and was psychotic, lol. They put me on this horrible crap called seraquil (I don't know if I spelled that right). It made me sick and didn't really work...thank god they changed it! I am now on resperdal it works much better and has a lot less side effects for me. I don't know if they have changed my diagnosis or not. I have an appointment in the morning, but they discharged me without my meds. I guess they wont give them to me untill I go to my follow up appointment. I got lost twice driving to places I have been before and knew where they were at. They gave me directions also, but I couldn't understand them because they were too simple, lol. Anyways I am hyped up again without the meds and yaping my head off, and still have disorganized thoughts. I guess I was having delusional thoughts, lol. Hmm so how is everybody else doing? Lol
I was already down. I was depressed really bad for about 3-4 months. I was doing better for a while about a month or so and then I got like this, and have been off and on all of January, and it just seemed to get worse and worse as the month went on. I was kind of like this as a teenager, but it was not as severe or disrupting to my life.
Man what is wrong with these doctors....why in the heck would they send me home without any meds. I can't freaking sleep. I am so agitated right now! Can you have anxiety and mania at the same time. If so i think I am. I feel like crap. and again some freaking doctors really urk me!