Just very funny or mania?

[Csandnugget]

We were in a fairly informal training session at a supplier today - new products. Great vibe at the training - before our first break I almost fell asleep, had a coffee and was better then.
Toward the end of our training session I was so bored - and could not contain any more information, the switch just turned off.
We had pizza for lunch, so I scribbled notes to my colleague, back and forth, back and forth. Then I wrote something that was relevant to our training and very funny.
My colleague laughed, but not nearly as much as I did. I had the giggles, and a picture in my mind. I probably giggled on and off for 20 minutes,
Was it really THAT funny, and I just had normal giggles, or was it mania?
I enjoyed all the laughing!
I guess the others would have thought that I don't take my job seriously? - but I do - I just get bored really easily and of course I will make sure about product specifications, etc, when the product is needed and pass the correct info onto the client,
Or maybe it's not boredom, just short concentration span, and then I feel disinterested because I'm not following anymore?
What I want to know is, how do you think others see this behaviour?
Laughing is something I enjoy, and I will do it regardless. Is normal social behaviour really such a big deal to others? That they would pass up a good person to be their friend just because they're a little quirky?

I have always accepted and appreciated people for their differences, so I cannot see it from someone else's eyes.

Before the meds, I would get really upset if people that I hung out with didn't perceive me to be as close to them,
as they were to me. It was almost like people don't care. And nobody 'got' me.
U guys too?

[Bluetwo]

I had a lot of self loathing...that's why I wanted to kill myself. I was my worst enemy but that's the illness talking and not the real me. I climbed out of that mess by getting help and developing the proper support system. I still have bouts of self loathing and if left untreated will be very destructive. I have to be careful with my psychosis and don't allow that beast to take over. It will get BAD where I won't be reasonable and I know I won't be thinking straight. I start avoiding people and avoiding help. Isolation and self loathing are not good companions.

[Xila31]

My problems all stemmed from sever self-loathing. I did okay without outside influences like music or reading. I just hated myself to the point I thought I should be destroyed. That is pretty scary for a kid to believe. Also with the weird episodes and beliefs I had, it was all scary. I still struggle to this day with my self-image.

[Bluetwo]

When I was younger I had thoughts of suicide especially during my theater days. Studying Shakespeare was a real problem for me.  Hamlet & McBeth were real downers. It's all doom and gloom. My emotional state would feed on that.
Had problems with music too. Pink Floyd always put me in a aggitated mood.

[Xila31]

Oh yeah, I laugh at my own jokes a lot still. Often I'm the only one laughing and everyone is jus sort of staring at me with that "uhm.... it's not funny" look on their faces.

I also can't seem to comlete things. Like my writing, college, even things like cleaning. It is damaging. Moving from one job to another.... All that stuff. :(

But I knew I wasn't well. I always thought I was "crazy" in one way or another because my lows were low and I had suicidal ideation all the time, (still do much of the time,) so I knew I needed help. But I didn't know how to get it, and most people would just tell me I was a drama queen or whatever and blow me off. But that suicidal thinking was what kept me thinking I had something bad going on.

[Bluetwo]

Well that was thirty five years ago. The most damaging thing about my illness that I couldn't complete anything. I would have all the energy in the beginning and then I would stop when my depressions hit. It interfered with my working life. I would switch around my majors in school and job hop because the job became difficult for me.  I would become aggitated and pychotic which was not helpful dealing with other people. I was diagnosed nearly twenty years ago and I recently had a episode with the mania and depression. I had all the same symptoms when I was younger and it really knocked me off my feet.  The doc changed my med's around and things settled out. I found out psychotic features are apart of this illness. It comes in between the mania and depression after having fun with my highs. I think my bipolar is seasonal and I have most problems when we change our clocks in spring.  It's like a pull for me when spring time comes around. It makes sense when everything comes back to life in nature why not in people?

If you see my profile I talk about the life raft. I try to hang around with people who are positive and dump the negative people. Negative people can create problems because they don't bring any support in the relationship. I think that the key in recovery is to hang around positive people. I recently dumped a friendship because the person didn't understand me and has a habit of gossiping. Our school district is going through some changes and many teachers were layed off. This person kept on talking about who was getting transfered or being cut from the staff. It created a lot of uncertainity for me especially when the rumors were not true for some individuals when I ask them how they were doing. It hurts dumping this individual but staying well is more important. I don't need the complications. Negative people can bring me down. The first gut sign is you don't feel comfortable in the relationship. I had to learn how to be more discriminate and filter out the negative types.

This forum is very positive for me. I prefer on line support. I did go to live support groups for bp but it wasn't very helpful because we had to listen to one person all the time.

Have a good day!

[Csandnugget]

That was me thru and thru - the highs are not as frequent as they used to be.
I never used to think that was strange at all. I loved the highs. No wonder this illness is so difficult for us to spot, we are down, and then we are fine again, then very happy, then down again.
I suppose many of us used to blame our downs on what was going on in our lives.
You feel bad anyway, so nothing is 'good' anymore, so whatever is not perfect, is made a big deal of.
Then when mania hits - you feel it's normal happiness, and this is how you always are. And you don't really remember how you felt when you were in another stage. It seems so distant, unrelated.

[Bluetwo]

I use to write comedy during my mania state. I laughed at my own jokes. I got a real high.

[Bluetwo]

I was involved with the theater too. Funny.

[Csandnugget]

Thanks you two. I will try to be more tuned in. Your advice helped alot!

[ILADVOCATE]

Yes I used to experience this kind of thing during hypomanic episodes. Its worth keeping track of because although it generally is not a problem and you are aware of it but hypomania can often gradually turn into full blown mania which is something I've noticed myself. Just keep track of what is going on and how people react to it as well which is often a good gage to    see what is happening as regards self awareness which can drop in hypomanic and especially manic episodes.

[Xila31]

Thanks, I like funny signs and headlines and things like that. I just had that on my computer and put it up as my picture.

I would like to be a teacher someday, but who knows what is going to happen. Right now I'm just trying to get day to day.

[Csandnugget]

I like your newspaper profile pic!

Yes, I haven't had a giggle high like that in ages. Mine is also more irritation and anger usually - but not hectic since I've been on the meds.

You could always teach theatre maybe in the future?

You're right, people will just take it at face value.
Will have to watch myself, and notice the difference between a little quirky and manic.
:-)

[Xila31]

Well, these days I don't get those highs anymore not like that. :( I get the crazy scary highs with the irritation and aggitation and I struggle with it. Plus, my memory is slowly unraveling, so I get pretty frustrated. I was great in theatre. I had a good memory, loved the stage. It is one of those many things I gave up on for no apparent reason at all.

But, I would say a good laugh it good but just try hard to know when it is too much. Otherwise, you might find yourself in a bad spot without meaning to be. The "normal" people will see it as being unprofessional and not realize it is mania only, not the real you.

[Csandnugget]

Xila, that's EXACTLY how I used to be when I was in school - it was much worse back then.
Total clown. Hyper, racing, cartwheels, I'm sure I irritated the *** out of people but I didn't see it that way.
I also did theatre and loved it - except for crippling stage fright and memory loss. Was awesome tho.

Ur right, I need to tone it down a bit - or if I get excited I should think of something that will ground me.  
They think I'm weird anyway - but we joke about it. They will just have to wonder.
The highs are kind of like a drug though. But it's true, I'm not 5 years old anymore.
Can't carry on acting like that - it won't bring anything good to my life other than a manic laughing session.
It could do more damage than harm
(me, trying to convince myself why and trying to cement this into my brain).
Right? Or will people just accept me as I am or will these little things destroy my opportunities for career in the future? Is it all that serious?

We shud swap some jokes!
I appreciate your answer!

[Xila31]

Well, I know during hypomania I laugh lot more and often over things that are only mildly funny, vs. depression when I just sort of absorb it but don't laugh much. I know that during the times that I can really pinpoint as me having mania when I was younger, I was off the wall. I was the clown, loud, in your face, always had a joke to tell, hyper and racing all over. Then I would crash into depression and cry for days and lock myself away and talk talk to anyone.

I know I've had instances like what you said before. Sometimes my husband will  look at me and say, "It wasn't that funny." Oh well.

Once at an after show party when I was in college, (I was in theatre in high school / college,) I just started telling jokes. I had a crowd of people all around me laughing their heads off. Others would try to tell jokes and the people would just look at them. I can tell you when you're already having mania and something like that happens, talk about grandios thinking and inflated ego. :( I thought I was really funny and hot stuff, I can tell you. Now I look back and I wonder all the time were they laughing with me or at me? I can't tell. Only 6 months later I refused a role and quit the theatre because a cast member said, "Not everything is funny, you need to be more professional." I never spoke to her again and she was a close friend. So you tell me? Mania? Hind sight is 20/20, right?

I say that, if these co-workers work with you often, they might notice if you're acting different but might not say anything to you. Don't get paranoid, though. :( I know that's hard not to.