MEDICINE

[bacla]

I STARTED ALL MY MEDS ABOUT A MONTH AGO...AND TO BE HONEST I KIND OF MISS THE HYPOMANIA THAT I USED TO HAVE THE REALLY HIGH TIMES..IM BEGINNIG TO HAVE FEELINGS NOW AND I REALLY DONT LIKE IT...I KNOW I CANT GO OFF MY MEDICINE BUT HAS ANYONE ELSE FELT THIS WAY? HOW DID YOU COPE?

[bacla]

thank you both for your answers this website has helped me out so much...i dont like myself at all..everyone including me loved the hyper girl i used to be..my house was spotless my clothes were all clean and put away..my kids loved to play with me and get all hyped up with me and i personally liked myself then too...i feel like i am a very boring person now and i feel like my husband and my friends and family are weirded out by the new me (i feel like i dont even know myself anymore) i havent told anyone yet that i have bipolar so they are all probably whats going on with me and what happened to the vibrant fun person i feel like i was...

[leopard19]

For a long time...I did not know I had manic depression.  I think I had hypomania and  Iwas an "artist" so I thought what I was feeling was normal.  I loved being creative.  However,  I always had lots of energy followed by deep depression.  It wasn't until I started messing with my meds that I experienced a horrible mania.. One in which the highs were so high...I became suicidal. Not cool.  I had to go on some horrible med called depakote which completely screwed up my figure. I had to be on those because they gave me an anti depressant that made me manic.  Now I'm just on two pills a day...one for depression and one for the bi polar mood swings.  I'm so glad I finally got it straightened out. I was a mess. Take my advice... don't mess with your meds. Research your meds and the illness and talk to your doctor about it. If they know their stuff...they should be able to help you!  As far as missing the hypo mania...you'll still have some of that.  Your creativity while different never dies.  You'll just have to learn to cope with the new you that's all.

[lindahand]

I miss the person I was when hypomanic. I got things done. I organised 9 major events in six months. I was at the top of the class in my employment. I felt great. What keeps me on the meds is fear of the lows. I crashed and hard. I spent the better part of two years in and out of episodes. I was off work an entire year and was barely existing. I was spending two days in agitated hypomania follow by 3-4 days of deep depression. It was a living hell and anything I can do to prevent going back there - I am going to do.

For me the biggest motivator is fear, and it works for me. You learn to accept where things are at with hope for the future. Sure I miss being the over achiever energizer bunny, and I am grieving that loss. I talk to a therapist about it. That helps. In the end though it is fear of going back to the place of despair that keeps me on my meds.