I can feel my moods beginning to shift and even though i am always in a mixed state mostly mania, i can feel the mania trying to come full force. I am spending money i know i am suppose to save , and other symptoms as well. but my main problem is sex wise from movies, and chatting in adult websites.. I have a strong urge for sexual contact and i dont really care for sex. especially with men I am repulsed by them to the point where my migraine will flare and last for months.. but that is what i craving for because i know it will be forced. with anyone Older that is way older than i am. scenes is playing over and over in my mind. (real graphic scenes.) with or without them being married, female and male. and it rough stuff. and i know for a fact if i was to give in i will feel dirty and disgusted with my self. I was reading that this is common with bipolar patience. but it is getting out of hand. especially with other symptoms coming into play including always ever present my racing thoughts and what i am fear of my homicidal thoughts. every symptom that is listed i am having. I only go out when necessary and lock myself in my room apartment. Do any of you have suggestions. The meds is like i am getting used to them and my PDoc do not see a problem with anything he says that i seem always happy. whatever that means and my social worker sees what i am seeing.
But any way can u please provide me with suggestions i need. So far i been able to control everything. And i know if i start doing these its going to cause me into another painful cycle.