Mood Swings Is it Really Bi Polar

[ZombieZ]

Ok not sure where to start so Ill start from the begining. Since i can remember Ive always had a problem with having moods swings, i get angry very easy, always if something is on my mind, i feel like there's a hundred thoughts or worries at once, and if someone bothers me while i'm thinking Ill blow up on them. Little things make me mad, just looking at me wrong, saying something that sounds smart to me makes me mad. I cant stand to  hear someone ask me something over once, and it really irriatates me when I don't remember something, and family and friends keep telling look what u did, and what u said. ill cover that later on when I get to my blackout sessions.

Then when I was a kid I had issues of going out due to feeling like i was gonna die with panic attacks. Heart beating fast, tingles up your whole body, eyes going blurry etc. So I went to my first doc did a questionaire, he said he sensed some bi polar. Because of one of the questions that was asked on there. Instead he just gave me prozac, never helped much. Went on about 5 years without meds etc, loosing jobs (just didn't feel like i could work feeling like my heart was gonna explode, and I was gonna die), lost alot of friends, because of blackouts, and having a stupid social networking site where I just had to let my anger out on everyone. Ive always had severe aniexty out in public places with alot of people, its like if I was sitting there in public, I always thought someone was stariing at me or starting trouble which in reality they wasnt. Which made me, panic and just made wanna start something or just felt like punching them. That led to drinking, and dui etc.

Also finally went to another doc, who prescribed me klonipins, and prozac for my aniexty. it really helped me alot. but I was still drinking. But not as much.. maybe every month or so Id have a beer.

Ive drank alot due to my condition cause I felt alcohol was some sort of relief, because I could face the world. Kept on drinking, then started having these explosive blackouts where I don't remember a thing I said or done. But when people told me what I said to them it scared them to the point either they never wanted to hang out with me, or they deleted me as a friend, and just didn't say anything, What makes it sad is alot of these were close friends I knew all my life. ***** for me, but if I dont get help Im scared Ill end spending the rest of my life in prison for doing something i didnt realize I done. I honestly scare myself so much when all these people are telling me what ive said, and done while drunk. I just go into mad depression, where I dont wanna hear any of it at all it makes me feels so bad, and scares me so much. I finally realize blackouts are a cause of alcholism, SO now I refuse to drink, even without the klonipin i would still have these blackouts of rage.

But rather Im drunk, or sober, I always feels either sad, or mad, or annoyed, or just plain out ready to fight, or blow up first time something i don't like is said by anyone. Ill go into the modes where it feels like Im mad for months, or something is making me sad, but yet mad at the same time, and I never forget what someone says, ill think about it forever. Then afterwords especially the blackouts, and  I'll go into a mode of where i feel like complete crap for saying or doing the things ive done that people have told me ive done.

I dunno Im 27 and have a child on the way, and a wife Ive obivously treated very wrong, well at least she says, so even when i thought sometimes i was being nice. I just need to know where to go, and some opinions on what do yall think? Could all this be from Bi Polar? I realize the blackouts are caused by drinking, and Im working on that as we speak by staying away from alcohol. During some of these bouts i feel like my heart is about to explode, I dont sleep much at all, when Im depressed I just try to sleep all I can. Also forgot to add to all this I dont really feel to happy, and Ive lost interests in everything I ever used to like.

[looloo141]

Totally agree with lindahand, this is essential! you must get help..all the experiences you describe I can relate to, I have had them too..you can come out the other side, it takes strength of character and I think bipolars have that.. there is so much different about us but not all of it is negative, there is just something that I can't name or put my finger on but it gets us through!
Rage is the worst symptom as far as I'm concerned, nothing upsets me more than rage..it is usually myself that I am angry with but its always someone else that suffers as a consequence..I'd rather be pyschotic than in one of my rages! the depression that follows is crippling, the guilt, the scared worried faces of your loved ones..jekyll and hyde..
It doesn't have to be this way, you don't have to put up with it and now you need to take responsibility as you will soon be a parent.

[lindahand]

It is really hard to get committed. It would be more likely to happen during a black out or when you are immediately doing something harmful. Like for example if you threaten your child or say you are going to commit suicide the authorities must be called.

Your family doctor may be a good place to start. Tell them what you've told us. They may be able to help you. If they suggest seeing a psychiatrist really try your best to pull the money together. Think of it as a necessity. It is like food. Because living like you do will cost a lot more money in the long run. Think of the cost of one fine in the court system and the lawyers costs. If even one person brings a law suit against you the cost will be enormous. Because that is where you are heading. You are just lucky it hasn't happened already.

You need to be brutally honest with yourself. Even if it means selling some things, such as a second car if you have one, or trying to cut the grocery bill by using coupons and eating a lot of ground beef. This is that important and it will cost you less mentally, physically, and financially in the long term. Don't put it off. The stakes are simply too high.

[awaiting_peace383]

It's a pretty big step to admit you have a problem and take action to get help, so good for you!  I, just very recently, acknowleged that I have some issues to be dealt with.  Unless you threaten to harm yourself or the doctor, I don't believe any doctor would lock you up or admit you for expressing your concerns.
  I have dealt with alot of similar issues..the drinking, the blackouts, anxiety, the anger and irritability...so I feel your pain.  Drinking for me was a way of smothering my feelings and hiding from reality,a way for socializing, making friends..ect..I felt like it was the only way I could be social, or have fun in public situations.  For as long as I remember, I also felt a mixture sadness, anger, frustrations..ect.  Towards the end of my drinking spree, the blackouts occurred more frequently, with more damaging consequenses... I got in a fights and seriously hurt one person,  which I still heavily regret,  got arrested for being disorderly and spent a weekend in jail, what a horrifying experience for me!  It only gets worse...please make it a point for your sake and unborn child, to seek help for this! Almost 4 years ago now, I had no choice but to quit drinking, as I found out I was pregnant.  Since then I have made it top priority to avoid alcohol. I have gone out a handful of times, and regretted it every time.  Now I have to deal with all my emotional overloads, my extreme anxiety and discomfort in pulic/ social situations..It is very difficult.
  I only recently seeked help, after realizing that for 10 months(since the birth of my second son), I've pretty much trapped myself in my home!  I really only know 3 people I could consider friends, one of which is my husbnd.  My husband does most of the shopping for me or has to go with me when I do it.  He also has to take me and our boys anywhere we need or want to go.  I feel overwhelmed when I don't have someone with to help with my little boys and "shield" me from others.  I don't want people looking at me or talking to me as this can trigger many uncomfortable feelings.  I'm always worried about what others are thinking of me.  I feel like my issues just keep getting worse.
Sorry for rambling, my point to all of this, is that it is very important to get help for these feelings your having. We are exposed to many things in our lives that can help us or harm us, externally and internally.  Doctors and psychiatrists are trained to evaluate these sort of things and can help to get you on a path to better mental health and in turn, better physical health.It took me a long time and alot of pain to accept this.
Don't make the same mistake as I did in waiting so long to get help.  I wish I would have talked to someone sooner, before it seriously effected my children and my marriage.
Don't be afraid to talk to a doctor, they want to help.  I think it might also help to write things down before going in, detail some specific examples if you can.  I regretted not doing this before I went!    
I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 by a psychiatrist less than a week ago. I have yet to accept his diagnosis.  It's not easy to get this process started; but if I can get this far so can you!  You gotta start somewhere if you want to find some peace...
Do it for yourself, you deserve to be happy..
Do it for your family, they need you to be healthy...
I wish you the best of luck and congrats on your expected baby!!

[ZombieZ]

Problem is I dont have any insurance as well. I can get a appointment with a regular docter for 75.00. But you know what scares me about that is I believe if im honest about everything. They just gonna call the cops and slam me in a mental ward, or on the 8th floor psycho ward at the hospital. Can they do this for just talking? And im usually a nice guy just get moody, and sad. Unless im drunk thats when the blackouts go on, and thats scares me because i dont know what im capable of. When sober i just get irritated when people bother me, or say anything i dont like, i always have to say the last words if it leads to a fight then i dont mind. And yes ive had the feeling while waiting in line i needed to get away unless i was taking my klonipin, but if i feel stuck or think someone is running their mouths ill have to open mine and just sttart something. I stress about everything in life, money, things to do, wife issues, gas, seems like everything i have ive done to have something to do to get away has broke. My only hobbie i had left was my boat it was my getaway from all the stress/worries in life. Moved back from Pittsburgh Found a great hobbie to stay away from beer which was wakeboarding etc. But my luck it blows the motor. So thats gone as well. Ive had to move 6 times since being back do to my mouth, or my beliefs of trying to have respect for my wifes mom, but i finally blew up on her the last time i got drunk. Im sick of moving. Workin on getting my own house, but i cant hold a job like this. I had it made back in the burgh my own house wasnt drinking much making good money, but i let everyone talk me into coming back here.

[sprocket35]

Oh My, all that rage, you must be very frightened of it most of the time, thats an awful lot to cope with. I can se some bipolar tendencies there but also BPD borderline personality disorder & that is just an awful disorder but im not qualified to say that anything your suffering is due to either. You do really need to see a phych doc & tell him everything thats going on with you no matter how hard it is to get it all out. There are lots of meds that can settle the anger but prozac is not one of them, you need a mood stabalizer & probably an anti psychotic, to me you are using the alcohol to block out all the awful feelings you are experiencing & i dont think your an alcoholic just a human being trying anything to make the terrifying symptoms go away.
I hope you dont mind my input, i know when i was struggling with my symptoms it was good just to have someone to talk to who didnt judge me & that is what you will get here, so come back & talk it out as much as you can, it WILL help :)
Best of luck, ill be thinking of you & hoping you get that much needed help x

[innerchild09]

I agree you need to see a phyciatrist. Thats a lot of rage you have. I think this needs to be dealt with now before something does happen and you end up in jail. So I think the best thing to do is to find a phyciatrist and tell him or her everything thats going on with you. I think you might benifit from writing everything down in case you forget or you are to anxious to talk much.

I know I have anxiety and i have social phobia. Also bipolar. I get angry but I dont think ive had rage like that. I have a lot of depression for sure though,. So I can relate to that.

Good luck and hope that things go well for you.

[lindahand]

I'd go see a psychiatrist because the symptoms you describe could seriously hurt someone and land you in jail. AA I hear is really good for the alcoholism. My Dad has rage issues and depression but not bipolar. He's taken anger management courses and they have helped a great deal. He takes them again from time to time to brush up on things. He journals a lot to deal with his feelings. He still gets the depressions but they aren't as severe and he doesn't have the guilt of seeing his anger get the better of him.

If you describe fully what your experiences are a psychiatrist may be able to help you. It may be good to write them out before hand because your anxiety may get the better of you during the first meeting.

Good luck. It is tough that first appointment but reaching out can really make the difference. There is no pill that will do everything. I've been told a number of times it is 50% medication 50% effort.

[more0then0a0virus]

Yeah, you should go to a psychiatrist. He can give you an objective opinion... He is an expert, unlike us.

I can relate to you about depression. I had these manic periods, but I don`t anymore because I drink to much. I also have blackouts (it *****-the guilt),  but recently it is proved that even non-alcoholic can have them because of too much alcohol concentration in blood or something. I`m also anxious when I`m with lot of people... But I don`t want to punch them. I want to run away. Sometimes I sit on the floor in the corner of the school hallway.

If it`s not problem for you, can you share your diagnose with us after visiting psychiatrist? I`m really interested...

[capegirlnoshoes]

You'd have to check it with a doctor, but it sounds to me like bipolar.  The main criteria for bipolar is that you have some elevated mood swings that last a long time (rage or happiness - in your case rage).  The racing thoughts and strange impulsive behaviour would be part of that.  Drinking doesn't help any mental disorder, and yes it can cause blackouts, which usually aren't part of bipolar disorder.  And then you'd have to have depressed episodes of at least two weeks, which it sounds like you've had.  All this sounds like classic Bipolar disorder Type I (the kind that's more manic than depressive).  
What's atypical for bipolar is this extreme anxiety.  Yes anxiety can be part of the elevated part of your mood swings, but those attacks when you feel like you're going to do - those are panic attacks, and are usually part of an anxiety disorder (bipolar is a mood disorder).  So is the fear to leave the house.  Having said that, bipolar doesn't usually settle until the early 20s, and before that people's symptoms can be all over the place.  I have some kind of mood or psychotic disorder, and I've got panic attacks and all that, but I'm not old enough that it's settled yet, so my shrink won't diagnose me yet.  
That doctor that gave you Prozac when you were younger may have really messed things up for you.  If you give young people anti-depressants, it can trigger latent bipolar disorder, affecting you for the rest of your life.  So maybe you just had Social Anxiety Disorder (which would explain the panic attacks and other anxiety symptoms) with some mood issues, and then that Prozac intensified the mood swings to the point of bipolar.  
Prozac in 27-year-olds won't do any lasting damage though, but since you have mood swings, you shouldn't take it unless you're taking it with a mood stabiliser as well, or else it'll probably make your mood swings worse.  
I think you should probably go to a psychiatrist (maybe your doctor could refer you) - not a psychologist, because they don't prescribe things, and if it's bipolar you'll need drugs - and tell them all about this.  They should probably try you on some mood-stabilisers, like lithium or sodium valproate or something like that.