Aa
Need advice about possible bipoler
I know I should read through the threads and do some research, but I am desperate for some input now. This is going to be long and boring, but bear with me.
My son is not married to his wife of six years, and they have a four year old and a two year old. His not-wife is a sweet confused 23(24?) girl who is totally disfunctional in that she has never experienced a normal family life.
Her parents divorced when she was young and her mother is a drunk with a drunk boyfriend, and her father is a drunk on his SIXTH wife. He called her a couple of months ago wanting her to help him get in touch with one of his old wives cuz he wanted to see if he could get something going with her. His current wife is about six years older than my sort-of-daughter-in-law.
She did not have a normal upbringing. She bounced back and forth between them, and was raised in bars.
The reason they are not married is because two days before the wedding, she stayed out all night and slept with my son's best friend. That was four years into their relationship. None of these details shed a very flattering light on my son, but it is what it is. That was when we found out that this behavior had been going on from time to time for two years, which was one reason my son was dragging his feet.
She's had restraining orders placed on him twice, and then recanted them both times. But my son sat in jail and the restraing orders are on his record even though she never followed through in court.
She has a serious mental problem, but the diagnosis keeps changing. She has been voluntarily admitted to a psych ward twice in the last six months. She has a psychatrist, and a therapist, and a DSH social worker checking on her mental status and home conditions. She has been diagnosed Bi-polar. Then not Bi-polar. Now bi-polar again. It could just as easily be a personality disorder, but the psychiatrist told her this field of medicine is not an exact science and a bit of guessing is involved. LOL!! Really?
They wanted to put her on Lithium the other day, but she told them no way, because I told her it would ruin her thyroid. Right now I wish she were on Lithium. They gave her a depressant of some sort to control her manic symptoms, and today she came over and was so depressed she could barely function. I don't know what the med is, but she has only taken 2.5mg for two days and then 5mg today. The doctor told her 50mg would not be an unusual dose, so she is taking the lowest dose they make, I am guessing, and started with half pills by breaking them.
But they didn't give her anything for depression. I honestly don't know if the meds could get into her system that fast and cause such a dramatic affect. My son claims that as well as having mental issues she is a hypocondriac and imagines diseases and worries about every health commercial she sees, wondering if she has that. I'm starting to believe him.
I know the frustration and helplesness that going undiagnosed brings on, and she has been diagnosed and rediagnosed for two years and tried this drug and that drug. Therapy isn't working and she is not co-operating with the Psychiatrist (not sure I blame her).
She really needs to get a proper diagnosis and the right drug fast, because she is suffering and she is about ready to make some serious errors in decision making that will tear their family assunder. She will call my son at work and tell him she is moving out, and then when he gets home everything is peachy. Tonight my 4 year old grandson told me that he and sis and Mom were moving, while I sat on the couch with my son.
She and I have had talks on several levels. We talked for an hour today about her symptoms and fears and frustration and remorse for her actions. And her disapointment with some of my son's actions. Her confusion and desire to be normal, feel normal, and be happy. Her desire to make a family with my son and her love for him. She knows she has a problem. She wants help.
I don't know what to tell her. She could have three different things going on and none of them bi-polar for all I know. Somethings wrong. She can lie to your face and not even realize it's wrong, much less feel guilty. She imagines all manner of things.
I do know if she goes to DHS to seek shelter, which would not be surprising, they will take one look at her file, his file, their file, and take the kids and probably commit her.
My son is at his wits end and ready to take the kids and have her removed from the house before she really does leave. I don't see a happy outcome there.
He loves her and wants a normal marriage, but he has put up with more than I could, and sees worse coming.
OK, with all those ugly personal details, please do not assume that I am asking if being this sort of person is normal for bi-polar.
What I want to know is...do her actions sound bi-polar? She feels she has manic episodes and depressive periods.
As I said, she could have more than one issue. When she does socially unaceptable things she feels no remorse or a feeling of having done something wrong. She may SAY that she does, but she really doesn't. She was mad as all get out when the wedding was cancelled. She wore the friggin wedding dress the night my son was allowed to come back into the house.
If she is bi-polar, what meds should she be on?
I'd like to see the family stay together, but something right is going to have to happen soon medically. Since they're not married, she is getting county medical care, which means free, inconvenient, and inept.
Any help would be appreciated. I am not implying bi-polar people act immorally or anti-social. I am ignorant of the affliction, but I know better than that.
My son is not married to his wife of six years, and they have a four year old and a two year old. His not-wife is a sweet confused 23(24?) girl who is totally disfunctional in that she has never experienced a normal family life.
Her parents divorced when she was young and her mother is a drunk with a drunk boyfriend, and her father is a drunk on his SIXTH wife. He called her a couple of months ago wanting her to help him get in touch with one of his old wives cuz he wanted to see if he could get something going with her. His current wife is about six years older than my sort-of-daughter-in-law.
She did not have a normal upbringing. She bounced back and forth between them, and was raised in bars.
The reason they are not married is because two days before the wedding, she stayed out all night and slept with my son's best friend. That was four years into their relationship. None of these details shed a very flattering light on my son, but it is what it is. That was when we found out that this behavior had been going on from time to time for two years, which was one reason my son was dragging his feet.
She's had restraining orders placed on him twice, and then recanted them both times. But my son sat in jail and the restraing orders are on his record even though she never followed through in court.
She has a serious mental problem, but the diagnosis keeps changing. She has been voluntarily admitted to a psych ward twice in the last six months. She has a psychatrist, and a therapist, and a DSH social worker checking on her mental status and home conditions. She has been diagnosed Bi-polar. Then not Bi-polar. Now bi-polar again. It could just as easily be a personality disorder, but the psychiatrist told her this field of medicine is not an exact science and a bit of guessing is involved. LOL!! Really?
They wanted to put her on Lithium the other day, but she told them no way, because I told her it would ruin her thyroid. Right now I wish she were on Lithium. They gave her a depressant of some sort to control her manic symptoms, and today she came over and was so depressed she could barely function. I don't know what the med is, but she has only taken 2.5mg for two days and then 5mg today. The doctor told her 50mg would not be an unusual dose, so she is taking the lowest dose they make, I am guessing, and started with half pills by breaking them.
But they didn't give her anything for depression. I honestly don't know if the meds could get into her system that fast and cause such a dramatic affect. My son claims that as well as having mental issues she is a hypocondriac and imagines diseases and worries about every health commercial she sees, wondering if she has that. I'm starting to believe him.
I know the frustration and helplesness that going undiagnosed brings on, and she has been diagnosed and rediagnosed for two years and tried this drug and that drug. Therapy isn't working and she is not co-operating with the Psychiatrist (not sure I blame her).
She really needs to get a proper diagnosis and the right drug fast, because she is suffering and she is about ready to make some serious errors in decision making that will tear their family assunder. She will call my son at work and tell him she is moving out, and then when he gets home everything is peachy. Tonight my 4 year old grandson told me that he and sis and Mom were moving, while I sat on the couch with my son.
She and I have had talks on several levels. We talked for an hour today about her symptoms and fears and frustration and remorse for her actions. And her disapointment with some of my son's actions. Her confusion and desire to be normal, feel normal, and be happy. Her desire to make a family with my son and her love for him. She knows she has a problem. She wants help.
I don't know what to tell her. She could have three different things going on and none of them bi-polar for all I know. Somethings wrong. She can lie to your face and not even realize it's wrong, much less feel guilty. She imagines all manner of things.
I do know if she goes to DHS to seek shelter, which would not be surprising, they will take one look at her file, his file, their file, and take the kids and probably commit her.
My son is at his wits end and ready to take the kids and have her removed from the house before she really does leave. I don't see a happy outcome there.
He loves her and wants a normal marriage, but he has put up with more than I could, and sees worse coming.
OK, with all those ugly personal details, please do not assume that I am asking if being this sort of person is normal for bi-polar.
What I want to know is...do her actions sound bi-polar? She feels she has manic episodes and depressive periods.
As I said, she could have more than one issue. When she does socially unaceptable things she feels no remorse or a feeling of having done something wrong. She may SAY that she does, but she really doesn't. She was mad as all get out when the wedding was cancelled. She wore the friggin wedding dress the night my son was allowed to come back into the house.
If she is bi-polar, what meds should she be on?
I'd like to see the family stay together, but something right is going to have to happen soon medically. Since they're not married, she is getting county medical care, which means free, inconvenient, and inept.
Any help would be appreciated. I am not implying bi-polar people act immorally or anti-social. I am ignorant of the affliction, but I know better than that.
I "know" you from the thyroid site and, like you, am poking around this bi-polar site gathering info to see if I can figure out what is ailing a friend of mine. Sounds to me like your "not-daughter-in-law" is unable to help herself and that you are gathering info so you might be able to direct her.
Sometimes people need others to take the reins for them. My mother is pretty much bedridden from health problems and needs our family to be her advocate. I believe people who are mentally ill also need a strong, stable person to be their advocate. When I read your post I certainly did not think you were being judgemental or that you were sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. You are trying to help and she obviously trusts and appreciates your concern or she wouldn't sit and talk to you about such a sensitive subject like she did.
If it does interfere with your health, maybe you could pass the torch to someone else who has your passion to help this troubled family...
Do any of you who are reading this and who have bi-polar have an opinion on the importance of having a strong support system during your unstable periods? Are we sticking our noses where they don't belong when we show our concern? Should we just turn our heads and look the other way and let you handle it on your own?
Sometimes people need others to take the reins for them. My mother is pretty much bedridden from health problems and needs our family to be her advocate. I believe people who are mentally ill also need a strong, stable person to be their advocate. When I read your post I certainly did not think you were being judgemental or that you were sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. You are trying to help and she obviously trusts and appreciates your concern or she wouldn't sit and talk to you about such a sensitive subject like she did.
If it does interfere with your health, maybe you could pass the torch to someone else who has your passion to help this troubled family...
Do any of you who are reading this and who have bi-polar have an opinion on the importance of having a strong support system during your unstable periods? Are we sticking our noses where they don't belong when we show our concern? Should we just turn our heads and look the other way and let you handle it on your own?
Ok, I have to jump on this one. The severe mood swings she is having sounds like bipolar disorder. I have it and know how nuts I am when I am not on the right medication. I am a total out-of-control pain in the rear. When I am on the right medication, which I found my awsome combo after a year and a half, I am highly sucessful. I went through several different medications after I got my "proper" diagnosis and it was a HUGE battle. On Lamictil I got so sucicidal and tried to take my own life and ended up in the hospital. Came out on Wellbutrin and was already on Lithium. Lithium did ok for me, but due to my being a Bipolar I mixed state, rapid cycler I finally wound up on the best med for me, Abilify. So now all I take is Abilify (controls mania and my mixed stated symptoms) and Wellbutrin (the anti-depressent side). Abilify is excellent for my type of bipolar whereas, Lamictil is not. All of these different medications change the bio-chemistry in the brain. What is good for one bipolar person, may or may not be good for the next. It takes time, patience, willingness and a change of lifestyle to find the right drug combo and the right team of doctors. I finally have a good team working for me and supporting me. I have had bad ones in the past. You just have to "shop around" for the right system to work for you. I also gave up using any substances alcohol/pot that could aggrivate my being bipolar. After making all these healthy lifestyle changes I am functioning better than I have in several, several years. I love being stable! Is your daughter-in-law complient and wanting help? That is the major key. If she wants it she will reach her goal of being stable and happy. Being bipolar is a constant roller coaster of junk. I battle every day to stay stable, but I desire it and enjoy feeling wonderful. It does sound like she needs more evaluation in order to figure out what is going on with her particular diagnosis. Due to my training in the field of social work, I am degreed, it sounds like a duel diagnosis. She sounds bipolar from what you stated, but she also sounds like she has some sort of psychosis going on as well. Borderline Personality Disorder comes to mind from what I read from you. You might want to research it as well and give me your feedback on that one. Some of the symptoms you did state are not bipolar, but several you stated are. I wish you the best in helping her and always remember, be supportive. The worst thing for us folks is to be stigmitized and un-supported. Sometimes we just need love and a hug. It always makes me feel better when I am struggling! Take care, Kristen
Hello my thryoid buddy.She probably needs to go back into the hospital for further evaluation.Bi polar will make you do things like you wrote about her doing.
Have you got a good psychiatrist in your area she can see? And dont forget she has to be the one to decide she needs help and then do something about it.
You did fine coming to the forum
See if you can get her to the head doc and go from there.
you and your family are in my prayers.
Love Venora
Have you got a good psychiatrist in your area she can see? And dont forget she has to be the one to decide she needs help and then do something about it.
You did fine coming to the forum
See if you can get her to the head doc and go from there.
you and your family are in my prayers.
Love Venora
I look through yours too, just not this time, I wasn't. It was kinda meant to be, because I have never been to that forum before. I tell you the truth!!
Please don't be embarrassed, your posting this and their responses helped me. I'm also not in a place to be worrying about things out of my control and have been a lot. My situation is close to yours, but deals with my ex husband and his girlfriend who is bipolar. My concern is for my children. There relationship is also quite unbelieveable as was mine when I was being pulled into it. I went to respond to you three different times today and went very long winded with it since I haven't spoke about it to anyone. But when I saw it on here, I was just like...oh you can't do that, guess it was just a relief to type it out. Best wishes to you and your family!
Well, I look through yours. LOL!!!
:o)
Hope you all have a nice weekend.
Thanks for the help.
:o)
Hope you all have a nice weekend.
Thanks for the help.
no harm, no foul.
Don't be embarrassed. It is good to have somewhere to go, to share these thoughts, and get different perspectives.
BTW, was not checking out your posts. Checking out this site.
Don't be embarrassed. It is good to have somewhere to go, to share these thoughts, and get different perspectives.
BTW, was not checking out your posts. Checking out this site.
It seems I went about this in a bad way, and I apologize.
I thank you for your opinion, Michael. It's true what you say about the whole situation, and I have a few issues of my own to work on.
It's a little disconcerting that you picked up on that so easily. I know I regretted this thread about thirty seconds after hitting submit, but I didn't realize my own problem was flashing like a neon sign.
You are, however, quite correct.
Peggy, you sneaky girl! you've been looking through my post history. :-) That's another thing I'd rather hide at the moment. I've not been having much luck being civilized lately.
I appreciate your thoughts and the time you took to compose them. You are right. It's not my life. There is only so much I can do, and in this case it seems the less I do the better.
Thanks for your concern for my health. I will keep in mind what you have both said and tend my own garden.
This is a wretched, embarrassing thread, and I would just as soon see it sink into obscurity. I hope it didn't cause harm.
I thank you for your opinion, Michael. It's true what you say about the whole situation, and I have a few issues of my own to work on.
It's a little disconcerting that you picked up on that so easily. I know I regretted this thread about thirty seconds after hitting submit, but I didn't realize my own problem was flashing like a neon sign.
You are, however, quite correct.
Peggy, you sneaky girl! you've been looking through my post history. :-) That's another thing I'd rather hide at the moment. I've not been having much luck being civilized lately.
I appreciate your thoughts and the time you took to compose them. You are right. It's not my life. There is only so much I can do, and in this case it seems the less I do the better.
Thanks for your concern for my health. I will keep in mind what you have both said and tend my own garden.
This is a wretched, embarrassing thread, and I would just as soon see it sink into obscurity. I hope it didn't cause harm.
I realize it hurts to see those we love in pain, whether emotional, or physical. Especially for parents who want everything just perfect for their child. I am going to play devils advocate here, and if you disagree, then I understand.
This sounds like something that is out of your control, and sometimes, we have to take our hands off of situations, for our health and sanity. Is it easy to do? No.
Sometimes, we have to realize that someone elses problem is exactly that, their problem. Something we can't fix no matter how hard we try. The problem has to be addressed and "fixed" by that person.
Sometimes when we let that problem be their problem, then they start to work on it, when they see no one is carrying it any more for them,
That does not mean you don't hurt for them, care about them, pray for them. But things like this end up controlling us and our lives, as we let the problem take over and become the main focus.
You have your own health issues to deal with and this does not need to take you down. I am learning that I am having to let go of hurts and things I can't control, because it is so detrimental to my health. It is so hard to do when you are a TYPE A person, such as myself.
I love the serenity prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
blessings.......Peggy
This sounds like something that is out of your control, and sometimes, we have to take our hands off of situations, for our health and sanity. Is it easy to do? No.
Sometimes, we have to realize that someone elses problem is exactly that, their problem. Something we can't fix no matter how hard we try. The problem has to be addressed and "fixed" by that person.
Sometimes when we let that problem be their problem, then they start to work on it, when they see no one is carrying it any more for them,
That does not mean you don't hurt for them, care about them, pray for them. But things like this end up controlling us and our lives, as we let the problem take over and become the main focus.
You have your own health issues to deal with and this does not need to take you down. I am learning that I am having to let go of hurts and things I can't control, because it is so detrimental to my health. It is so hard to do when you are a TYPE A person, such as myself.
I love the serenity prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
blessings.......Peggy
Namaste,
You're definitely in over your head and in the wrong place for someone to diagnois this woman as bipolar.
Only a qualified mental health professional can do that.
That said, it appears there are a number of issues at play here an although she may have bipolar disorder she may also be suffering from several other psychological disorders.
She needs to have a complete history taken and evaluation conducted before any recommendations can be made as to appropriate medication(s) and/or adjuct therapy. If she refuses to be honest with the mental health worker or fails to follow his/her directions, she will never improve.
Don't expect, however, that changes are going to occur overnight. It may take a long time for the right diagnois and treatment. Different medications or combination of medications may be required, as well as group or individual counseling.
Without help, it appears she is destined to live a less than quality life, taking with her those around her.
Seek the help she needs and don't be adverse to seeking help yourself if appropriate.
Michael
You're definitely in over your head and in the wrong place for someone to diagnois this woman as bipolar.
Only a qualified mental health professional can do that.
That said, it appears there are a number of issues at play here an although she may have bipolar disorder she may also be suffering from several other psychological disorders.
She needs to have a complete history taken and evaluation conducted before any recommendations can be made as to appropriate medication(s) and/or adjuct therapy. If she refuses to be honest with the mental health worker or fails to follow his/her directions, she will never improve.
Don't expect, however, that changes are going to occur overnight. It may take a long time for the right diagnois and treatment. Different medications or combination of medications may be required, as well as group or individual counseling.
Without help, it appears she is destined to live a less than quality life, taking with her those around her.
Seek the help she needs and don't be adverse to seeking help yourself if appropriate.
Michael
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