Need to know if I'm nuts or nuts

[Subtitles]

So, I've looked on the Internet for clarity but it's hard to find matching symptoms with other people, we're all different. I've only taken screenings online, afraid to go too a doctor. I'm so caught up in my own mind that I don't know if what's happening is manufactured fluff or legitimate issues. Self-diagnosis is horeshit because everyone has subconscious biasses that you don't know about.

Anyways... Let's get to the point. I'm trying to figure out if I have a mental illness, ADHD or somehow I just rank somewhere on the autistic spectrum. I'm 20 years old, I can't get my life together even though I desperately want too. The reason I don't want to go too the doctors is because I don't want to rock up, think I have something wrong with me and find out it's just my sunny disposition.

Symptoms:

Muted feelings/Depression/Hyper (I get over excited all the damn time, that I jump around like a 6 year old that just figured out the final key to a sudoku puzzle (is sudoku even a thing anymore?).)

Out of normal behaviour. What I mean by this is most of time, I'm down in spirit and will just sit down all day and waste the day away but during rare occasions I turn into a royal butler trying to get a pay rise and will clean the **** out of my house or another example was when I was in grade 12 I was an outstanding 8 months behind in my course work and I finished that in a matter of 4 days. I had the inspiration to do this. I get the urge to write out of nowhere at times. I will sometimes go from this person who is afraid to say anything contradictory to what another person has said or stick up for myself to going into this euphoric state who becomes so confident that I will insult, fight back, become loud and boisterous.

I flinch like a coke head. I was constantly chastised about flinching all the time in High-school. When ever someone would put their hand near me I would jump. I'm always getting frightened by damn shadow sometimes. I'm always on guard. I witnessed a car bombing when I was a child. Guy died, apparently my reaction was to historically laugh at the fact that this guy got baked like a chicken at a rednecks weeding. I also have personally almost came inches from being road kill a couple of times. but I have no idea if it could have somehow effected me psychologically (or maybe I just have reactions as good as a professional boxer.) I know every time I walk across the road I feel a sense of urgency.

My sleep patterns consistently change. I can never stay in one. I'm Australian but sometimes I feel like it would be easier living in America because I change that often.

Anti-Social behaviour. No not like I will skin your cat, make wallet out of it and sell it to a fashion designer. Just don't care about personal relationships, rather be by myself and I don't care if I lose friends nor when I make friends do I feel emotionally connected. I noticed a huge change when I turned 15 in this matter... Before grade 10 of my High-school year, I was the loudest person in the room, out-going and wanted to be friends with the world. No matter who it was I wanted to be their friend. I then turned 15. I completely changed. I became totally disconnected, quiet, socially awkward, wanted to be left alone, never went out of my house, lost all my confidence. I always feel relived to be in my house.

Cognitive ability; When people talk, I have trouble connecting the words sometimes. A lot of the time if it's just making conversation face-to-face I will miss the point completely. It happens less when I read. I also have trouble pronouncing words even though I know how they are said and can pronounce them in my head perfectly fine, when I do it physically, doesn't work out a lot of time. I might make this point in another symptom because it might connect to that symptom rather than this one. My head feels heavy and cloudy (not painful), just feels like there like its not clear and I'm always lost inside it that I can feel a slight weight in there.

Indecision... I can never decide on my present and future. I wanted to become a computer programmer, than I wanted to be a lawyer, now I want to be a sports journalist. I change my mind with every episode of House, M.D.

Concentration: I can't sit down and concentrate, I can't sit and read an article without getting up. I want to be able to study, to learn more about the world and divulge in information but it's impossible for me.

I want to preference that I have never drank alcohol and have never done drugs.


Thank-you.

[mmv_811]

I don't have the vibrating or flinching, but everything else you're saying sounds symptoms I have & I have been diagnosed bi polar. Being too scared to speak up one minute & the next blowing tiny things out of proportion.  I feel like I'm literally on a roller coaster. Zero motivation.  I can't pin point a time when I changed. Wasn't ever outgoing.  I've been diagnosed for 13 years but only stable (or as much as I can be) the past 4 or 5.  I'm here if you need to talk or ask about anything.  I've educated myself on my condition a ton because for so many years I was like a ticking bomb.

My son has ADHD very severely & falls onto the Autism spectrum.  Both are due to his IQ.....apparently you can be too smart.  Your IQ score alone can be a sole reason for Autism (and other problems).   High IQs cause difficulties too. Racing brain, problems sleeping, never doing any homework, constantly moving n full of energy or just not motivated to move some days. he's very indecisive & used to have a bad temper. He's 18, diagnosed for 1 1/2 years.

The best advice I have is see a dr.  It's hard to go n find out, but it's even harder living untreated. Regardless of what's wrong.  They usually won't do an IQ test for no reason, but you may want to just mention it.  Even though I've got a diagnosis, I know it's not the only thing wrong i just don't want to know so I see where you're coming from with not wanting to go to the dr