New friends - who to tell?

[inorma]

I have been living in a small town for two years, since the birth of my son, and although it has taken a while, I now have a lovely group of supportive fellow - mother friends around. We help eachother with our kids, catch up for coffee, etc. I just don't know whether to be open about having bipolar II or not.

It really bothers me. I struggle with depression all the time - either experiencing it or dragging my way out of it again. I did have one incident while I have lived here where I was short-tempered and irritable and upset an aquaintance. These things must be obvious to these friends I am making - and this bloody illness is such a big part of my life that I feel I should share what I am and why I am. But I am scared of being branded the 'crazy' girl ( I have a big personality mostly anyway, loved by my old, city friends, but a bit out of place here in sleepytown).

Also, friends I have made are really into alternative medicine and herbs etc, which is fine with me as long as they don't ever suggest I take them to fix my mental illness... that just makes me irrationally upset. What should I do?

[SilentRage]

I wouldnt tell anyone especially *friends*. Its none of their business especially if there is nothing much really they can do about it.

[rogelio63]

I told my boss as well.  I'm a nurse and they were both health "professionals".
One, the "chief" used it against me a great deal.  She's gone now, thank God. Her replacement understands better.  So I guess my answer would be situationally, yes.  The med regimen I'm on now makes it much, much less frequent for any problems but still the knowledge is there in case anything happens.  
It's interesting, I had an "incident" at Wally World where the police were called and I could have mentioned I was bipolar because what happened was SO influenced by it.  But I didn't mention it.  It all worked out ok, but still I'm sure the situation would've been handled differently.
I've tried to explain things I've done based on my condition, but for me, in my situation, they've assumed I'm lying and justifying my behavior by saying I'm bipolar.
So again, I'm no help at all except just relating my experiences.  It depends on the situation.

[inconfusionalways]

You said it clear and you said it well, that you don't feel strong enough to be mis-under-stood. Yes, their are people that will even stand back when you say "BIPOLAR". I had to tell my supervisor of my disease and I like to call it a disease, not a mental illness because I am well capable of sorting things out on my own. People don't understand that being bipolar is having mood swings depending on the severity. people who don't have the disease will not understand it until they or a close family member have it. On the other hand I believe we being Bipolar are very special people and normal.

There are some instinces where you do and can tell people about your disorder, like your boss, a friend who you can clearly see that is always nervous or seems stressed .Only you can be the judge on who to tell of your disorder. Someone always has to know just in case. If you feel yourself apologizing constantly than maybe you should tell them about the disorder and if it's once in a great while than I would'nt worry if I were you.

I had to tell my boss and family because my disorder was noticeable and it was affecting my work and my relationships and even my family. I think if you get help and have it under control than their is no need to reveal it.

[inorma]

Thanks, both of you. Both are interesting positions, ones that I am torn between. On the one hand, I know that some of the suffering from my mental illness was caused by the stigma attached - mental illness is something that is just not talked about in my family, and so no recognition or help was offered. I believe we should talk about mental illness, and that that may help people...

But on the other hand, I know from experience that there are people in the world who simply do not 'get' mental illness. I don't think they ever will. They tell you to 'pull yourself together' or think you're 'playing up' or you're 'weak' or not taking the right kind of herbal supplement. I don't feel strong enough to be misunderstood by people who don't know me well enough to understand that I am a warm, smart, fun person who happens to have this massive challenge in her life.

I think that I'll take both of your advice. I can think of two people here I can share this with, and possibly also the acquaintance I hurt, by way of explanation / apology.

Which opens up another can of worms. How do you guys make apologies for things you've done / haven't done while ill? Do you explain you have the condition, or is that not necessary?

[rogelio63]

It may be a good idea to kind of "probe" around a bit and find out what they know about bipolar disorder.  I'm from a small town and I know that many people, though I love them to death, they are ignorant on the subject and would probably just end up lumping it, like all mental illness, into "crazy".
If there are any that you feel a bit closer too, or who have shared about someone they know or knew that had a mental illness.  It may be wiser to share with them especially if they express understanding towards that person.  
This is something that I have struggled with as well.  At this point, my oldest brother knows and my best friend knows. Aside from my wife and support group that's it.

[ILADVOCATE]

   Yes it would be worth disclosing your disability to them so that they understand what's happening. You don't need to be detailed about your own personal experiences. NAMI has some good informational literature. There are also some books they could read that could be of help. This of course is your decision but I found that when I told people that I had a psychiatric disability they were better able to understand what was happening in my lifel