PTSD/bipolar

[Fiesty13]

Hi does anyone else have a diagnosis of PTSD and bipolar?.how do you know which parts are bipolar and which parts are PTSD?it really confuses me

[Bluetwo]

My husband is retired Navy so we take our returning vets seriously. I served in the Navy for six years with undiagnosed bipolar. It was hard holding down a job with shifts. I even switched jobs but it didn't help. When I was manic I was a good worker but when I went into my depressions I was a failure at my job and the superiors wouldn't promote me. Because I wasn't diagnosed I did a lot of drinking. I went through rehab because I got tired of the drinking and I didn't get much care. They just treated the drinking problem but never figured out after a year of soberity I had mental health issues. I was never was diagnosed only after I got out the Navy. I went to a social worker for two years to sort out my hang ups. I been treated for bipolar since 1994. I do have relaspes but I manage to work through them. I just recently lost hearing in my left ear with tinnitus. I don't know if it was from listening to Morse code for a year, working with teletype machines or working on construction sites. I also listen to very loud music when I was depressed or when I was in mixed states though out my illness.  My son also played the drums so I don't think that help either. My son finally left for college so now I have a lot of free time. I work as a sub. teacher for our local school district. The job doesn't pay well but it has a lot of flexibility if I get ill. During the summer I'm volunteering for the VA. Take Care!

[Bluetwo]

God Bless You. You went through a lot! Going through war is something that people are not suppose to experience. I hope you stay in contact with the VA because those explosions can really rattle your brains and you'll have mental health issues resulting from that.. Many of the GI's are coming back with tinnitus too. I want you to take care!

[wattsmeme]

I have both and was confused about the PSTD but then I thought about it and realized I was a child who lived in a war zone which was my home.  My dad was an alcoholic and I was not the victim of his physical abuse but was the mental and felt a need to protect my other family members even though I was the baby and a girl.  I had trouble way into my adulthood about separation from my family for fear I would not be their to protect them even once I had a child. I had mostly manic episodes and they were full blown to the point where it was rare to be somewhat even normal even though normal for me was manic.  I was diagnosed at 46 years as it was spiraling out of control.  I was on Prozac and they added Lamictal increasing the dose till I was at 200mg a day.  I have a very close relationship with my Lord and Saviour which has kept me in check most of the time and also helped me heal emotionally but not mentally.  I wish I had been on Lamictal which is a mood stabilizer years and years ago.  I was taking Ativan 200 mg usually after I had been up less than 2 hours due to being so anxietal.  I no longer take that and am so calm on the inside. I am still very energetic and a clown, it has not changed my personality and I am glad I did not want to be a zombie.  I am sleeping better than I have in 20 years I'd say.  The people who are close to me have seen the change and say I am just as fun just not bouncing off the walls and going from good mood to agitated.  Good luck with your search for happiness.

[Amy4891]

Alot of mental illnesses can overlap, and I have the same problem with being able to distinguish the difference between them. I think part of the problem is if you are having trouble with one it can trigger you to have problems with another. PTSD some say is mental injury instead of mental illness. But generally with PTSD you do have triggers that remind you of the specific incidences that originally caused the PTSD. Flashbacks are common, and a feeling of reliving the traumatic event. Hyper vigilance when in similar situations is another symptom. Avoiding things or people that remind you of the traumatic event.

[Bubulous]

When I first got to treatment I had no diagnoses for any mental problems.  Then I found out I had chemical dependency.  When I write my poems I take a sentence or a word and make it into a long poem.  That is why i try to drag emotions and information out of people on here.  Asking me why you are depressed is a loaded question.  I need to know so much about the history of people's lives to make a determination about why they are depressed.  Anyway I write a lot of poems and they are more about self discovery than anything else.  I wrote poems about my childhood, my addiction, my emotions, my time at war, and being bipolar and the mood swings associated with it.  That is why it is so easy for me to empathize with people on here there isn't much I haven't seen and there isn't a whole lot that I haven't learned about it.  At the end of this I will show you a poem to relate to this.
Well back to my main point.  When I was diagnosed with chemical dependency I sit down and started journaling.  I had to get to the bottom of the reason I was susceptible to becoming chemically dependent.  I attached that to the Iraq.  Then I was told I had PTSD.  Again I sit down and started writing.  I had to tie in why I had PTSD and how it was related to the war.  I came to the conclusion that the things I saw in war were internalized and I had no coping skills to deal with that.  Then I went manic and they diagnosed me with bipolar.  Again I sit down and started working on why I was bipolar, when it first began, and how it related to the PTSD and CD.  I came to the conclusion that my childhood was tough and that was the reason that my bipolar became onset.  Iraq was the reason that I fell into manic depression, and the manic depression was the reason I was CD.
That was when I was released and that was good enough to keep me clean for a while and have closure.  Unfortunately that was not the end.  I met a girl named Christine and after she moved in with me I started to fall back into depression and when it got to the point where I got suicidal I find myself back in treatment 5 months ago.  I came in with all the knowledge that I had before.  I had the same psychiatrist that I had last year and he had the charts to bring him back up to speed.  We started where I left off last year.  The first thing he taught me was thought stopping.  I was told that feelings cause emotions and emotions cause behavior.  I started working on thought stopping but didn't get anywhere for a while because I stayed in manic depression for three weeks slicing my wrist on the 2nd week.  When I was better and out of the depression I started working again.  I noticed that my hand writing was better when I wasn't depressed and I could concentrate better.  That is how I realized that as I used over time when I tried to stop I couldn't because I was so depressed I couldn't concentrate and figure out why I started using again.
Once I realized this I linked Christine to the depression, but wasn't sure why.  I called and told her to get out of my house and go back to Louisiana and she did.  If I know something is a problem I have no regrets in destroying it.  Once she left my doctor told me that I was super codependent.  I denied this for a while but eventually read the book and realized how that was true.  I saw that based on how much flattery I get I would become manic.  Based on how much criticism I took in I would get depressed.  So again I looked back at my life to see how my codependent behavior had caused everything that had happened to me.  I came up with the codependency fed the bipolar and the PTSD which both of caused the addiction.  This was the last thing I learned before I got out this time.  I met a new girl while I was in treatment and she came to pick me up when I got out.  She was the most beautiful girl I had ever met and she loved me dearly.  At a point I broke up with her twice.  As we started falling apart I got more and more unstable and I started cutting (which I realized was the same thing as using as it releases dopamin).  I started texting and calling like crazy crying every day.  I became depressed again and when I came out of it I started writing again.  I realized that every time I lost a woman that I cared about I fell into deep depression.  I had to look back and see how that effecting everything else.  I realized that the childhood that I grew up in gave me a distorted view of what love is supposed to be like.  I realized that just like using I needed that instant gratification that she still loved me and it wasn't over.  I realized that after I got as much "high" as I could get from a relationship I got bored with it and started to pull away.  I realized that if I committed myself to the relationship even though I wasn't happy I would use again.  That is when I realized something that is not likely the end of this self discovery but is the foundation for all of this.  I realized I have obsessive compulsive behaviors.  Again I had to look back and see how that has affected my life.

Final synopsis (for now)
The childhood I had caused the PTSD to start.  The PTSD was the cause for the onset of my mental illness.  The onset of my mental illness made me super codependent.  The codependency started the as a way to escape.  The OCD fed the bipolar and so on, vicious cycle.  The PTSD from my childhood and the codependency made me susceptible to PTSD from Iraq.  The PTSD from Iraq fed the addiction.  Without any more excitement and that adrenalin rush that I got from Iraq I was bored back in America.  The addiction caused loneliness which caused me to get back into another relationship.  The codependency from the relationship and the addiction caused depression.  The depression made it impossible for me to leave the relationship.  Her cheating on me caused the mixed state of mania and manic depression.  The mixed state caused the obsessive tendencies to kick in.  The obsessive behaviors (calling, texting, crying) caused the addiction to climb to a new height and sent me into a very unstable form of psychosis.  The psychosis caused my first suicidal thoughts which lead me into treatment where I became manic.  After I got out of treatment the mania caused the OCD again which lead me to finding a new challenge (woman).  Like I said I like getting them but don't like keeping them around.   Being trapped in the relationship because she was pregnant caused the relapse which started the cycle all over again.  It is always a woman, no offense.  Finding Carolyn in treatment this time and falling in love with her caused the mania to come back.  Her ignoring my calls caused the OCD which could have led to relapse had I not realized that the obsessing over Carolyn was the same as obsessing over pain pills.  I needed my next fix of Carolyn.  I started practicing patience and not obsessing and I have gotten pretty good at it.  I may have thought I learned too much but it is quite the opposite.  Here is the poem I wrote about a month before I got out of treatment.  I haven't added the OCD but I will soon

[Bubulous]

That is very complex PTSD.  My ex-girlfriend went through Hell and hers was very complex requiring a lot of treatment.  I would recommend treatment for you too but if that is not an option than use what you have.  I cycle like you and I sorrt f figured that we had that in common because of your initial post.  It is unfortunate that your dr can't help you distinguish between the BP and the PTSD symptoms.  I cannot fault her for that however because it took me over 160 days in treatment over the last 2 years to better understand mine.  I have a lot to say about your situation but I will start with this and we can chat the rest of the day if you wish.  I can help but I agree with the doc about treatment.  For no you can use what is available to you, like this website.

Here is my story of self discovery and yours will likely be similar:

I think that I expected to die in Iraq.  I wasn’t properly trained for the adventure.  I didn’t get as much out of the training that we went through and I was challenged every day by my crew.  I was afraid I wasn’t the leader everyone thought I was.  Hell, I didn’t even want to be a leader.  I was so anxious and scared to go on my first mission that I passed out on the way to the truck.  On our “right seat ride” we were taken up ASR Sword.  The guys from the departing unit were pointing at the craters and laughing about how the craters were all IEDs or VBIEDs.  I thought they were stupid.
If you asked my team they would likely tell you I did a good job.  In reality I didn’t.  I stopped caring after a while and doubted myself a lot.  I stopped checking to see if the driver was doing his PMCS, or if my gunner had a clean 50 cal.  I was ready to die.  I had the feeling when I went over I was either going to die or come back a hero.
Leaving out of Anaconda one day our Company lost a soldier.  I rode up on the tragedy a few minutes after it happened.  We sat in our trucks waiting for it to be cleaned up as we usually did.  I didn’t realize who it was.  
My squad leader was not a spectacular leader.  He had trouble taking and keeping control of us during training.  He drank coffee all day long and smoked like a chimney.  He was quick with a joke, however, and very good at making you laugh.  I had to do his job a lot.
Shortly after our medic got out, going to check on the guys, I was informed that it was our guys out there.  First squad had pushed out ten minutes before us and we had caught up with them.  When I found out it was our guys I jumped out of the vehicle to see if I could help in anyway.  I can’t say that I was not interested in what happened but I did like staying in the protection of my vehicle when I could.
As I approached the site of the SVBIED I passed by a Kevlar filled with blood, I would later find out it belonged to SGT Eric Lee Toth.  He was a specialist at the time but was promoted to sergeant posthumously after his death.  I can’t remember much of what happened after that and until I started the regression I couldn’t visualize anything about it.  I can visualize myself standing over the body of a burnt, mutilated, Iraqi.  Myself and the medic picked him up and put him in a body bag, then carried him over and put him in the back of one of the trucks, placing him in the back.
I was told I was just standing around in a daze until the 1st squad leader told me to help.  I believe that I did contribute to the efforts that day.  Not as a leader but more like a coroner.  People seem to remember the Blackhawk coming in as well.  I remember it being there but I cannot visualize it.  I have built the image of it in my head but it is a giant helicopter that takes up both sides of the road.  It is not real.  Nobody talks about the incident now.  I am glad of that.  
We ended up going to Taji and staying there for a little while, we prayed, it was nice.  We then went down to BIAP where we spent the night.  I don’t remember the time we spent there, I just remember going to the PX and someone coming up to me and telling me Toth had died.  
The next day I was told to take the other two trucks, that weren’t destroyed, back to Scania.  The 1st squad leader approached me and told me to take care of his guys.  It was about a two hour trip back and both of the other trucks, not mine, were hit by IEDs.  The first truck was hit with a small one and we I got out to check the damage 1000 meters down the road like I was trained to do.  The next one hit the truck behind me, also 1st squads, and it was loud.  I started calling them on the radio but got no response.  I checked in my mirror as we rolled on and saw them come out of the cloud of smoke.  The IED was large and powerful.  It scared me to death.  
All this happened within 24 hours.  I still have nightmares about it and I am still jumpy during thunderstorms.  I believe I will recover from it eventually.
Our unit was transferred to the Abu Ghraib prison shortly after that.  We were mortared almost every day.  I was woken up several times by dirt hitting the wall where I lay my head.  A rocket came in one day while I was at work, I watched over 1000 detainees at level 1 compound.  The rocket landed about 150 feet from where I was standing.  We were doing a shakedown at the time and all the detainees were locked in a holding area.  The detainees were between me and the impact.  Four of them were injured as they were brought out of the holding area, one died later.  
I can’t count the times Abu Ghraib was rocketed.  I also can’t count the number of times we were rocketed on my last deployment at Bagram Air Force Base in Afghanistan.  I was there during the suicide bomber attack in 2010.  It woke me up and my boss called me to come into work as I was the operations NCO.  Disney was a rather short road that ran through the middle of the air force base.  It was very long that day as I drove down it to work.
This is the short version of my story, believe it or not.  I don’t claim that Iraq was the first time I was introduced to PTSD.  I likely had it when I was younger, but I defeated it.  The depression that came after Iraq lasted for the last five years.  I can’t say that I wasn’t bipolar before I went to Iraq.  Iraq just made it advance to a new state.  I didn’t know I had PTSD until I checked into the treatment hospital.  I also didn’t know I was bipolar until I checked in there.  I just thought everyone in the world hated life and sabotaged every great thing they had ever been given.
I have already typed this out so if it sounds like I am talking to a therapist, it is because I wrote it for a psychiatrist.

[Fiesty13]

Hi ahh where do I start?.i had two counts ov abuse as a child before the age ov 9.lived with a violet controlling dad.raped at 19,had 8 years ov mental abuse off my children's dad.i ended up with an illness called Guillian barre syndrome at the age of 23,i was pregnant and ended up paralysed from the neck down and part of my face for nearly 5 mths.i then gave birth to my little girl who ended up with brain damage,cerebral palsy,epilepsy ect.then 4 years ago there dad physically assaulted me,broke my nose with my daughter in my arms.as u can see there's loads of different causes so its like I'm in some trauma everyday.i got told years ago I had bipolar but I never continued with appointments.i got refered 2 years ago as I ended up really poorly and they thought I had an eating disorder.i went through 26 weeks of therapy and refered to a phycitrist.i eventually went on meds last October.i was very erratic before being put on meds.sleeping for 3 or 4 hrs,very manic most ov the time then having 2 weeks ov depression then back up again.in the end I was having changes in mood within the same day,week,mixed where I was high but low mood,it was getting really stressful and exhausting.they still haven't gave me a solid diagnosis because she said she doesn't know how much is PTSD and how much bipolar symptoms.im going through therapy again then she's gonna make her mind up.it drives me crazy

[Bubulous]

Wow, that is going to be a long answer.....
Let me know a few things and I can help.  I have PTSD and bipolar and I just got out of treatment for both.
Where does the PTSD come from and what trigger do you have (if you know them)
I went to Iraq and Afghanistan.  My triggers are certain things on the side of the road, loud noises, people standing behind me, and the smell of burnt hair.
What type are you (bipolar)
Do you cycle a lot?