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Bipolar Disorder Community
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Avatar universal

Please help...hypersexuality.

I just joined this group, but I have not been 'diagnosed' as bipolar yet. But the issues I am having align with bipolar, and I have bipolar in my family. I will be going to the dr on Monday to address this situation, but my therapist believes there is great chance that bipolar will be diagnosed. And just so you know...if it is, I feel like it will be the end of my life.

As for the issue right now...I am struggling with hypersexuality. I have been married for 2 1/2 months to a wonderful man that I have been with for almost 7 years now. However, if I can't conrol this, that may all go down the drain.

I have been suffering from unwanted sexual thoughts/feelings off and on now for about 2 months. I went off antidepressants in Feb. and birth control in July. I keep thinking when it goes away that it will not come back...but it does.

Currently I am fighting to be faithful to my husband. I came very close to messing that all up last night, and I can't stop thinking about this other guy.

I am new to all this, and I feel very helpless and hopeless. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
6 Responses
574118 tn?1305135284
hypersexuality is part of bipolarity when the person is hypomanic, so chances are that you will dx BP.

However there are others issues underneath not just BP. The fact that you knew your husband for 7 years and only married a couple of months ago, possibly you took him now for granted so you feel free to satisfy unwanted desires at the moment i.e. trying to be faithful like you should, being married, BUT struggling for freedom as well.

However someone must warn you that marriage is not the end of the story, there is something called divorce and it occurs quite often and they reckon it's 50% out of the married couples according to worlwide statistics who separate after decades.

Still i can't understand why are you seeking help here and for what, do you need someone to bless your extramarital relationships i.e. finding excuses for you since you are a victim of your own desires and hypersexuality, or to ask you to direct yourself to a pdoc.

BP is not for sure like you feared the end of your life, because once medicated you will not manifest these dangerous symptoms to your family, on the contrary life will be smoother and calm for you and for your husband
Avatar universal
i too struggle with this when im manic, which i am right now and have been for 2 weeks. unfortunately, ive done things im not proud of, and have been with the same guy for 10 yrs. im not using BP as an excuse to justify my behaviours though, im just stating it for what it is.

although being BP is not the end of the world, sometimes it seems like it is, and until you find the right dr & therapist (because i believe you do need both), its hard to manage this disease alone. and meds are usually needed, and it does take some time to get the right balance to happen, for me that STILL hasnt happened. it seems to be an ever evolving disease, as im always changing and circumstances and life changes, so do i and how my BP affects me.

just stay faithful physically, even if you cant mentally at the moment, its not your fault when this mania happens, and GET A THERAPIST in conjunction with meds. & while your waiting for the meds to strat working, at least you can talk this out with a non biased person who cant tell your secrets, but help you figure out ways to deal with them better. be patient, and good luck, and keep us posted!
Avatar universal
Thanks for the replies and advice.

No, I'm not looking for someone to 'bless' anything I am doing. I know it's not right, I know it's not ok. I'm not looking for an excuse.

What I am looking for is someone who knows what this feels like...to know that I'm not the only one who knows what this feels like. I'm looking for advice on how to deal with it. I know there have to be people out there that have gone thru this kind of thing and know how to control and manage it...and I'd like for them to share their knowledge and understanding with me so that I can learn how to manage it myself.

I have made mistakes in my past...so I know that there is no one out there better than my husband. I know no one would ever care about me than my husband, and that I could never care about anyone else more than I care about him. I don't feel that I am looking for freedom, for I have tried that before and it has almost killed me. I don't want to be free, I want to be happy. And my husband makes me happy.

The reason I feel it would the be end of my life is becuase of the having children aspect. I've lived my whole life with the main goal of having a family, of having and raising children. My husband and I want children so badly, and it is actually a surprise to me that we don't already. But we want to be completely ready so we can give a child the best life possible. HOWEVER, if I am bipolar, I WILL NOT have children. I will not pass on my genes and cause another human being to feel the way I do. Therefore, I feel like I fail in life. I will never reach my goal...and the idea of not having children ... it kills me.

I have a therepist now, but a new one than I have had for years. I'm not really sure if she is helping or not yet, but in the area I live, there aren't many choices. And yes, I'm going to the dr, but I'm really scared of starting meds again. It's tough...I hate them because they make me 'not me', but yet I don't like 'me' anyway. Urg.
574118 tn?1305135284
I apologize for using the word blessing.

All i meant don't rely upon us to warrant or authorise your doing . Now you made it clear. YES all BP or most of them while hypomanic felt the same way of course, this is why it's destructive, destructive for the brain, destructive for the family ties, etc...it's hell, we all know that, you become like a car with no brakes.

usually in such a situation your next of kin or acquaintances or whoever realise the change in one's personality and the people who have an awareness advise for a pdoc right away, and i gather this is the situation now.

as to the necessity of getting BP children it isn't guaranteed, who said that a bipolar father say must give birth to a BP child, and neither the opposite is true, e.g. both my parents are not BP yet i got it. Besides, one should have some faith in God, i know some laugh at this issue but who can tell. Besides, everyday one hear of new meds. Try to look into the misery that once lived by BP pts, now they are in a much better situation for sure. Medicine is very near to understanding this phenomenon, again pregnant women resort to ect to avoid hurting the fetus

i am sorry to have taken your point lightly, yes indeed what you feel is very common and sometimes unavoidable and dangerous, so a pdoc will help and the only thing advisable now. don't worry, life will go on smoothly and will be able to control your mood swings better. You are lucky that you are a wonderful couple, believe me this helps a lot i.e. the symptoms become more controllable, and who knows they may fade away with time.  
874521 tn?1424116797
first of all Adel is right if ur BP medication will help you feel alot better IF ur in a manic phase....than you're excessive thoughts should become less of a force in you're life.

there is alot of BP in my husbands family also...suicides and attempts over the years that were not dx'd until tragedy stuck.
My husband is BP, we have 2 children, 1 is BP the other NOT....so perhaps theres maybe a 50/50 chance you're children won't be.

I love both children with all my heart and soul,  however when I see my son suffer as he does I sometimes wonder if I had known how he now suffers if I would/should have decided to have this second child?... if I had known abt this awful gene in the family at the time.
he often tells me how he wished he'd never been born....and for this I feel guilt.

this is a decision you and you're husband can only make together and perhaps discuss with you're doctor(IF ur dx'd)
how high are the chances of passing on this gene?

I understand what ur saying and hope you don't discount you're desires until you have taken time to come to an answers that ur both comfortable with.

best of luck to you
575745 tn?1254165100
Hi there,
Wanting children and being diagnosed with a disorder that means taking drugs is hard to take in. That was the main reason why I didn't want to accept my diagnosis, and that question had to be answered by my psychiatrist before I could even build up any trust to stay on medication. But, just because it is a gene that you can pass on, doesn't mean that your children will manifest the illness in their life. I have a friend with two boys, that have really done well. Another friend has 5, and each are very stable people. Perhaps one seems to show signs of mood fluctuations.

My doctor explained that I can have children, and that we could work together to make sure that I would have a safe pregnancy if I chose to. I wasn't concerned about passing on my genes. But, I would not want to have one day that I was pregnant and actually had traces of harmful substances in my body.

It is not the end of the world though, even though this illness can be debilitating at times. Though I still remember the times that I was in mania, I am grateful for the lessons and virtues that I've developed after all that I've suffered so far in this life. I'm definitely more compassionate toward myself if nothing else.

I've only been recently diagnosed, so I don't know the ins and outs of living a balanced life. But that is what I'm striving for. Personally, that is how I have been approaching my healing. I must strive for balance.

Hope this helps.
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