Doctors are cunfusing me about my Bipolar Husbands state of mind!!!!

[vsantos]

  Quick history:  Husband diagnosed 11 months ago with BP, had a Major Manic Episode (tried to commit suicide), Psychotic/Paranoid for at least 3 months. Was on meds (Risperdal and Depakote) for only 6 months and abruptly stopped. Taking NO meds now.  He left home 1 months ago.
   He comes visit my daughter whe he feels like, no financial suppor (and I'm not even asking for it) and I beleive because he didn't even eacha 'full recovery' and stopped taking meds, I'msure to say he is not even back to his 'base line'.
    So he still tries to either 'twist' the truth, or 'hide' facts, or even lies about things.
     His lies make it very difficult for me to trust him with our 3 year old. At this point I don’t  even let him take our daughter out himself (if he was treating himself things would be less difficult!).

    But here isteh question...one of the doctors said that maybe I dont't need to wrroy much about him being alone with oru daughter since now he seems 'calm' . And he went on to say that since he had a mild Manic Episode 10 years ago and recovered from it with NO meds, that maybe his Bipolar 'paterrn' is like this, that he may only have another Manic Episode in 8-10 years ...This is NOT waht I've been readin and let's say that is true. The person is NOT only 'out of control' when Manic, right now I know for sure his mind is all over the place, so that wouldn't stop him from 'planning' to do something and perhaps jeopardizing our daughters welfare.
   PLEASE help, I'm confused, becasue at the same time my daughter is Priority, I don't want to over react and be unfair with my husband ....

[Xila31]

As I said before, I've never been in that place where I would hurt my kids. My mania is not so high that I completely lose my sense of responsability for my chidlren, I only have hypomania. My bad decisions tend to be financial. I don't drink or do drugs at all, not even wine with dinner or champaign at weddings, nothing. So, it would require me to get into some serious delusions and psychosis and have a sever episode.

But you've said he had a sever episode. The question is what happened during that episode. I know he left you, wanted a divorce, went to another woman, gave her a lot of your savings, and even threatened your safety. So, I think the rule should be simple: As long as he is on his medication, persuing treatment, and displaying stable behaviors then he can see your daughter, take it slow. But, if there are even rumors that he's not complying with treatment or medication, then he should not be allowed. I know recently you said his cousin told him he wasn't bipolar and didn't really need to take meds. That's not good.

I know you love him and you want to trust him and don't want him to know he is trustworthy to you, but the truth is that he is not trustworthy right now. He has to earn your trust back. He has to treat himself and work towards wellness. Until he can prove that to you, then don't let him out alone with her. Let him know that is exactly why, he should know you don't trust him, unfortunately, because then you will see if he is motivated toward wellness or not. If he is, he will work to be trusted for his daughter's sake. If not, then you'll know. Once he is stable, then things will be different. But right now, he has to earn it.

[adel_ezz]

being so calm now is not guaranteed, things can change. The most important thing not letting them alone while in mania neither in depression. had she been older it wouldn't matter but being so young makes one cautious. Of course it's healthier for the whole family that he sees her besides it's his right and your duty and also for the child to feel she has a mother and a father like the rest of the human beings. I am sure he will not hurt her or at least will think he won't but the issue he himself can't guarantee his behavior with her.

My advise, go out all together as a family. this doc telling you may be he is calm now is not saying the truth rather in order to calm you down. Nothing is guaranteed with a bipolar. When he is stable he is the nicest and most kind and smarter of the world, but can make sure he will ESPECIALLY he is on no meds

[vsantos]

Sorry if I'm being too much to all of you.
I actually took a step back a coupe of months ago when I realized I couldn't do anything else for my husband.
  But it is my responsibility to understand the 'faces' and 'phases' of Bipolar so I can determine if I can allow my husband to be around my daughter by himslef....You see, I'd love to let him out with her, NOT to be around all the time, it's very stressful for me. But doctors and family have pressured me so much since he got Manic about being Responsible for my daughter that they got me convinced that without Meds I should NOT let my guard down...so I was finally convinced and then now some of the Docs say , maybe now he is 'calm'.....

   Doy uo know how confusing all of this is too me. I love this man and I don't want him to think I don't trust him, but God forbid something happend to our daughter....
     Though he is not living home anymore, I'm still living a life with a Bipolar because he happens to be the father of my child and so his State of Mind is important to me!
   So sorry for the on-gonig messages, I feel so comfortable coming here for your suggestio, I do have a Psychologist myself and a very supportive family, but I always look for extra advice.

   THANK YOU so much for your help and patience!

[Xila31]

I know when I am up and down I am not a danger to my kids because my kids are priority one. But if I ever got to a sever state where it was not safe for my kids, I would want to know they were in a safe place and not see me during that time of illness. I would die if my kids were injured especially by me. But, that is me, I cannot speak for your husband. Although you give us your history we do not know what really happened in your house. We don't know if he ever hurt your daughter. We don't know if he threatens and hurts her. Remember, seeing all this happening to her father is hard on her, too. Little kids do need some protection from seeing their parents going through things like that.

I say, speak with the doctors and say at this time until your husband is medicated and compliant with his treatments, then your daughter should be supervised with him at this time. If he loves her enough he will want to see her and be her father again and take care of himself. I would not want to be watched over while with my kids, but if it was ever at that point it would put a fire in me to get well again.

Also, bipolar is very complicated. No one can say when or how a person will cycle. People's cycles change all the time. Some people go from season on rapid, rapid to slow, etc. Bipolar is not fully understood, so the key is to just keep track of yourself and learn and take care of yourself.

Also, I agree with adel_ezz, you need to back down a little, even though your husband is ill, he is an adult and ultimately his treatments and healing are his choice alone. I dont' mind answering your questions, but sometiems I feel like you want to be in control of everything that is happening to your husband. You want to run the show and have all the answer and see the future. We will gladly listen and share our experiences but, you need to relax or you're going to burn out from the stress. I am sorry this happened to your family, but it is like when you tear a piece of paper in half. No matter what you do, you can't fully repaire that paper and it will never be the same. We are only humans caught in the grip of this thing called bipolar and like all things, it takes time. If you are a religious person, then pray and have faith that things will work out. If not, then just have hope. There is nothing else you can do.

Take care, okay?

[adel_ezz]

i read your past posts and you seem to overload yourself with a great responsibility towards your husband. I know you still love him but you are unfair to yourself and your daughter. I know you want to help but there are limits too. You can't force him to go back on his meds. My opinion seek safety for yourself and your child, BP is a life journey and each time a new incident occurs you run to post to medhelp. You are always welcome to get the support you want but nobody can exercise any force on your husband behavior. It's to you whom the support is directed and meant to. Like this, you will suffer on a daily basis trying to find out whether he is good or bad. BP pts are unstable from the very definition. I am not discouraging you the least, i am just saying you and your daughter are first priority. Forget about him a little. Besides some pts hate that others look after them and keep watching them all the time

good luck