Suddenly Suicidal

[Nikki2226]

What do you do when you are feeling suicidal?  I need some sort of plan to get through these times so I don't hurt myself.  I have been feeling much better lately except for last Friday night.  I suddenly felt terrible.  I was anxious, agitated, worthless, hopeless, and like life wasn't woth living.  When I get like this, I can't stop crying and my imagination goes wild with suicidal ideas.  I think very gross thoughts that won't leave my head.  I was driving to find a family member to help and I colsed my eyes for a while hoping I would hit a brick wall.  I realized I could hurt someone else and stopped.  I didn't have anyone to talk to for help because my hubby was working and my mom was in class, so I called a suicide hotline my doctor gave me.  NO ONE ANSWERED!  I realy felt helpless then.  By the grace of God I  calmed down eventualy.  I just waited it out and by the time I woke up the next morning I was OK.  This same thing happened about two weeks ago, and lasted only a few hours.  I feel like I temporarily go insane.  I'm worried one day I will have one of these episodes and lose all my self control and actualy kill myself.  Please help me.  

[Lizz67]

Hey,I  suffer just the same way but without the agitation. My therapist reminded me that these feelings are a symptom of depression.  Somehow this has helped a lot - though I still have my moments.  Sometimes I just get into bed and try to slow my body down and keep myself "immobile" until it passes.  My ex-husband recommended hot show therapy.

[Jikan]

Namaste,

Not to sound unsympathtic, but my recommendation would have been to seek immediate help by calling 911 or driving to your nearest emergency room.

Right now, you are in the best place you can be.

I have been hospitalized a number of times, twice because of suicide attempts, and although I still have suicidal ideations, I know what I'll do if they get out of hand and that is to dial 911 or check myself into the hospital.

I sincerely hope you make the best of your stay in the hospital by participating in any group sessions and being completely frank with the team of psychiatrists.

Michael(Jikan)

[Crystlas]

I agree with you, the Bible does give strength to us when we are struggling.  As I talked about in my previous posting is how I made amends with God after I had my attempt.  I decided that a promise to God is sacred and there is no turning back once you make that kind of promise to whatever "Higher Power" anyone has.  It is sad for people who do not have a belief to not have the opportunity to make such a promise.  God has helped me through so much during these past few months and I am grateful.  So any of you out there that feel suicidal and beleve in God then promise him you will not kill yourself and surround yourself with love and activate that safety plan!  

[LLFgirl]

When you feel sucidal, you need to spend these times with a friend or talking on the phone to someone you trust. Try not to be alone during times when you are prone to thinking these thoughts. Have a plan in case you feel like you can't go on any longer. Also, I'm a Christian and I highly recommend reading the Bible for help and strength. It's a great way to lift your spirit and feel comforted. Remember God is always with you and he wants you to live a happy life.
Regards,
LLFGirl

[Crystlas]

Lucky, I was in lock down and went nuts w/o my computer!  How are you today?  I hope you are gaining hope in the hospital and feeling a bit better.  Hang in there.  They are there to help you and adjust your meds.  Talk about a safety plan in group and maybe you guys could help each other formulate one.  Best wishes.  

[Nikki2226]

Well, I had another episode and I am currently in a mental hospital for a couple of weeks.  It realy *****! I feel like I am in prison and the other patients make me nervous.  But at least they let me on the computer for a little while. I am so bored!  But, I am alive and I am feeling much better.  Thanks for the advice everyone!  Hopefully next time I won't have to end up in here.

[triedeverymed]

My doctor asks me "what thoughts stopped you from doing it", then he tells me to focus on those reasons I didn't do it. It really works for me!!

[Crystlas]

After my last suicide attempt I created a safety plan and gave it to all of my family members.  If I plummet into a deep depression again all I have to do is pick up the phone and call one of them.  On my safety plan it has all the local emergency numbers, suicide hotline number and the numbers of my doctors and the mental health facility I stayed at last time I had an attempt.  I never want that to happen again.  I feel safe having a plan in place.  Not to sound too religious but I also made ammends with God about it.  I promised never to try and harm myself again but to make a phone call instead.  I believe that once you promise God something, that is it, no turning back.  Hope this helps you!  Kristen

[RubyShooz]

I once read that you should remind yourself that suicidal thoughts are your brain telling you a lie.  Your brain is trying to trick you.  You must try to fight the bad thoughts and remind yourself that tomorrow will be a better day.  You will wake up and perhaps something nice will happen -- you will hear from an old friend, you will find a good book to read, someone might send you flowers, you might make a new friend, you might even win the lottery!  You never know what tomorrow might bring, but suicide is not the answer.  You must stay strong so you will find the better days ahead.
Hugs,
Linda

[SilentRage]

Just remember to try and be strong. I am in the same situation you are in. What keeps me from going overboard is that I have a son, and that keeps me focus even though it is a task. But we are all here for you. And if you need anyone to talk to or vent I am here to listen

[Nikki2226]

Thanks for your help.  It is very comforting to know that I am not alone in these crazy mood swings.  I like the idea of giving myself time before I do anything stupid, and writing positive notes I can read when I feel this way.  Also, I went to the doc this morning and he adjusted my meds.  He said I could feel better than this.  That gives me a little hope, even though I hate relying on these medications so much.  It will get better for us.  It has to!

[ings81]

Hey i know exactly how you feel. i also am worried because i am caring less and less about what happens to me and you wouldn't believe it last week i was in despair and i couldn't find help anywhere i couldn't get an appointment to see my doc my husband phone was switched off and the bloody computer was locked so i couldn't log on. babe i really feel your pain. when i get like this i get onto this website for some reason i feel safe and idon't feel alone it's wierd that cos i not talking face to face wit people but it's what gets me through the people here actually know what your going through and the love and support from complete strangers has shocked me. I never thought a web site could help the way these communities on medhelp.org have i don't know whether your religious if you are then pray. i am definatly not i am very angry and bitter at the thought of god. I have put little notes on the walls,in my car in my handbag with little positive sayings i find that helps too.when you feel like this jump on the nearest computer and get onto this website this community thats what i have been doing it does help. we need to hang in there surely it can't get worse go back to your doc as soon as you can and see if there is a plan you can put into place and make sure you tell him that there was no answer on the number he gave you thats really aweful i will give you my number if you like i know exactly how unpredictable and scary it can be. i am here ok. love ingrid xxxxxx please reply when you can i want to know your ok.xxxxxxx

[determined2beatit]

Hi Nikki!
Happens to me also from time to time just as you described! What I learned to do is try to remember and remind yourself during these episodes that your thinking isn't right! I know you know you believe you feel this way... and you do BUT you have to remind yourself that your mood will change and you will see things differently! I know it's hard to convince yourself otherwise during this but what I do is tell myself if I wake up tomorrow and feel this way, I'll call the doctor. Usually, almost always, I feel better the next day and see things in a better light. I'm not saying I feel completely different, just that I don't feel suicidal and that's a big switch. Just get through it any way you can because over time when that happens, you will know it's a bad mood swing and say to yourself I know this WILL pass!
You do feel like your losing your mind..I know! But don't worry that you'll loose your self control and accidently kill yourself if you just promise to give yourself time, at least a day or overnight ect. Of course if you ever feel so close to doing ANYTHING CALL YOUR DOC IMMEDIAtELY! Keep praying to God! He will always help you! I would tell your doc about the  hotline not answereing! Next time....CALL HIM!!!!
Hang in there girl...you're stronger than you think! Don't let this disease take your control and precious life!
God Bless you!
Linda