Switching Cycles - other people's experiences would be greatly appreciated.

[gho7]

Hi there, I am just hoping to get some information on other people's experiences of what it feels like when they switch in and out of depression to hypomania?  I have been having major mood issues for nearly four years and it pretty much started and coincided with the conception of my daughter.  Prior to this I had suffered from depression (always with triggers), that was treated with antidepressants and things rectified with the medication.  Since things have changed I now have a very obvious cyclic pattern.  Over this time I am been treated with the following combinations of medications with no relief.  Effexor XR 75mg/Seroquel 300mg, for about six months, Pristiq 200mg/Epilim 2000mg (Sodium Valproate) for about one year, Cymbalta 120mg/Lithium 900mg for a year.  My cycles were at one point about six week good, six weeks bad - give or take a few days...  Then they became more like monthly and seemed to coincide with my periods, where I would get a period and go down hill, have another period, then come right until the next period where I would go down again...  I was put on a high estrogen pill and told to cut my periods out and only have about four a year, as if it were to do with my periods maybe we could stop things that way...  I wasn't able to block my periods, I would keep taking the active pills but still get my periods.  Since being on Cymbalta/Lithuim combo - the pattern changed to more like a fortnightly cycle, again give or take...  The only relief I really felt was I didn't appear to have anxiety and it took the emotion&frustration away that were causing some very dark thoughts (I obviously get very upset & frustrated that this keeps happening) but I was still going through very obvious up/down cycles.  My switches from one state to another feel like this:  I am travelling along perfectly fine, then one day I start to feel tired & fatigued, the second day I feel completely burnt out and by the third day I feel like all my thought processing and cognitive function is messed up...  I then obviously socially withdraw...  I feel hopeless because I can't function properly but I don't feel worthless - I just want to be living my life normally without all this struggle - fatigue and congnitve dysfunction is a very big part of my down cycle...  When I come out of this cycle it again is pretty much over a two day period, that I feel like I am gaining more energy, the next day I have feel better again and my mind is clearing and by the third day I feel back to normal.  The one thing with "my back to normal" is though - I do tend to speed things up...  I do not do anything grandiose, nor silly like spending too much money but I do start talking to people on the phone again, I start participating in activities with friends and my daughter's activites again, I clean my house and cook again (and I enjoy it as I am happy to feel okay again) and I do do a lot more as I feel like I am making up for lost time...   I feel like I am excited to feel well again and not out of control excitable... After the first couple of days I chill out as I feel like I've caught up...  Then I carry on as normal until the two day cycle of going down comes again.  But I am now starting to question if maybe my "back to normal" is actually possibly hypomania??  My psychiatrist has said he doesn't think I am Bipolar as we've treated me for that with no relief or success...  My partner says that when I come right it is like I am on drugs for the first few days...  and I admit I do ramp it up but I feel like I have the ability to control that - as I know it pisses him off so I rein it in...  I'm hoping to get some thoughts from others that maybe have similar sort of experiences...  After it was decided that I stop the Lithium/Cymbalta combo my psychiatrist started me on dexamphetamine 15mg for treatment resistant depression, I had ten really good weeks, where I just felt normal and my partner said it was the best I had been for ages, just nice and even and "normal", I then dropped the same way into a seven week low with very bad anxiety (physical symptoms not actual worrying), I have since been started on 20mg Lexapro/15mg Mirtazapine and then up to 20mg Dex on 4 Dec.  I stopped taking the dex for four days and restarted and coincidentally or not pulled out of my low that day, that was on 11 Jan, I then dropped into a low again on 29 Jan again with bad anxiety.  The only thing that has kept me going is I have been taking 1mg Lorazapam to keep the anxiety at bay...  The reason I have been stopping the dex is I felt it could be contributing to the anxiety...?  Also when I have my down cycle I have major issues with getting to sleep & if I eventually do it is very broken which stinks as I feel so burnt out (I am not worrying or thinking, I just cannot sleep), yet when I am having my good cycle I have very good restful sleep...  Yes, I go to bed later and get up earlier but I do tend to have anywhere from 6-8 hour restful sleep...  Maybe slightly less in the first day or two...  I also have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia as I have quite few problems with joint and muscle pain...  Any thoughts or similar experiences would be greatly recieved as I feel like my life is slipping...  This constant up/down or more the downs are becoming very destructive and hard for not only me, but also for my partner and daughter too...  Also, could anyone share any info on Lamictal experiences with me?  I have an appointment with my GP next week and am scared about taking it due to the rash & rare side effects (as I often get rashes/hives) but think I am going to ask him to try me on that as I so seriously need something...  I feel like I've been crying out for help for so long and doing all the right things but to no avail...  Thanks heaps...  Hugs... :)

[gho7]

I think this is the reason my psychiatrist doesn't think I'm bipolar, along with I've never been in there and been in a manic state.  I am definitely much better and different to than what he sees when I'm low.. But I'm more like talking sense and quite coherent.  I'd be more than happy to accept the diagnosis of bipolar and in fact would welcome it if I'd have some relief due to meds...  When I'm well I keep a pretty healthy lifestyle too.. I don't drink coffee, don't do drugs, drink very little alcohol, eat well and walk a lot...

[gho7]

Also, has anyone had such a lack of success with medication..  I thought the Lithuim or high dose Epilim would have given me at least a little relief..?  I was at the therapeutic level and always took my medication daily without fail...