I've had episodes before, but it's usually been more self-destructive, cutting, yelling, throwing/hitting things, maybe going on a cleaning or shopping spree, or getting angry at someone.
But Saturday night, I was starting to feel agitated and restless again. I walked out of the house without a word, barefoot and in nothing but shorts and a t-shirt in below-zero weather as it was snowing heavily, got into my car, and started speeding around town. I wound up on the highway, thinking I was going to go back to the city where my ex was living and yell at him, or else maybe jump/drive off a bridge or cliff.
I knew I had been agitated, so I'd taken 0.5 mg klonopin, and eventually something kicked in and I turned around and came back home. I'd been gone for about half an hour. I got stuck in the snow, and my roommate came out to find me, barefoot and freezing, trying to push my car into the parking spot. She called her friend over, and they gave me another 1 mg of klonopin before getting me to the hospital.
I wasn't admitted because I refused, and I promised I wouldn't kill or hurt myself. The klonopin was really setting in at this point. I can't remember much about the hospital visit or anything afterwards, but I have been completely depressed, humiliated, and tremendously frightened ever since. Nothing like this has ever happened before. I think it might be related to me drinking more than I should, or not taking my Lithium as regularly as I should.
I saw a psychologist today and filled an old prescription for Wellbutrin. Didn't go to work today, but I think I will go back tomorrow, just to be out of the house. So... here are my questions:
1. What am I supposed to do if I start to feel agitated, like an episode is about to happen?
2. Has anyone taken Wellbutrin with Lithium? Any side effects or anything I should know about?
3. I was experiencing a lot of myoclonic jerks in the hours leading up to my episode--anyone else get that?
4. I could really use some hugs and support. I am really frightened by what happened this weekend. It did not feel like myself, and I am so lucky that I didn't die or get injured or in trouble with the law.
Thank you so much. This is my first post here, and I hope I can get some answers and/or support.