Writing letters to yourself..

[Snakenstein]

When I was in the hospital they told me to write a letter to myself, that it helped you get over things. Or something like that. Im going to give it a try...

Dear internal monologue,
Im sick of your ****, you need to stop talking to that person sitting in that chair in your head. They're not listening, im not listening, and your just going to die inside your own tortured narcissistic prison you've built. Your banters beginning to interfere with my life, you put me in a trance thats hard to break. You take over like its my job to listen to you. I dont pity you, and no one else does. Let me live my life like I used to okay? If you dont im going to have to resort to shooting you, and I dont mind taking myself with you if your just going to fill up my mind with melodramatics. There is no need to ponder any longer. You need to stop killing me.

Dear scenario image program,
Please stop replacing my life, when I want to do something, you create a scene for me thats all wonky, and its beginning to be hard to tell whether im actually doing something, or its just a program you've created. Let me live my life, you and internal monologue are working together to make me so disconnected from the faint reality I grasp on to survive and observe. And even if I am just some alien experiment, you want me to fail. Im not a weak girl, you and internal monologue make me weak. You keep talking to people you've created who dont listen to you. All those people your talking to arent listening. You need to stop making up things when im trying to rest. And stop the obsessive thoughts m'kay? My OCD's getting a lot worse, and you need to get your **** together obviously.


Ps. (to the both of you) Sometimes I wonder if i'll ever make you quiet. I dont think I really can. If i attach to reality i'm failing my destiny, and I know it. I dont know if i'll ever surrender, even as now the burden is almost too heavy to carry. You instill pictures and thoughts of fear into me, but i cant give it up. But I will NEVER let you win. **** you! Stop trying to kill me!


Yes, that added a little bit of closure I guess. I just needed to write that somewhere. They say it will help you improve or something. Thats what I need, improvement.

If anyone else wants to give it a try...It may help you get over some things. Its nice to get those ides out in written form. I keep reading them over and over, it helps.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

Sounds like a good idea I never even thought of and might try after I regain my composure.

[ILADVOCATE]

Yes that idea does make sense. Its good to stay focused and find a way to avoid negative or unwarranted thoughts and understand that thoughts that don't match up with reality are not real. I do know that before my current recovery I always knew to contact my psychiatrist if I was experiencing flare ups of psychosis or mania/depression but it was also a matter of keeping myself grounded so that those thoughts did not intrude on reality. Sometimes it was a matter of both at once.