being lonely and bipolar

[Alex_X_18]

this post is mostly for support.
I'm going to go ahead and vent here,
I know my heart is in the right place, and generaly I care for the welfare of others, but I feel isolated alot.
I live with my mom so I don't have alot of family member I can talk with or relate to.
I do go to school for a few hours a day and form mostly superficail relationships
Outside of that I really don't have much of a social life =(.
I have have only two close friends both of which move kinda far recently, and a few others who I might be able to hang out with....
I don't myself I wasn't gonna back down and made an effort to meet new people.
I did make quite a few new friends my previous semster here, but we aren't exactly what I would call close.
We do hangout but not really regualy. Common sence tells me I need invest in some new friends.I know my socail skills wern't always that great. It kindof hurts alot because at my age lots of people are hanging out with the same people they knew in highschool, and that is their main group of friends. The thing about that is, I sabatauged alot of those freindships and other relationships and and I think the bipolar played a large contributing role of doing stuff other people found starange. It also made it hard for me to relate or be close to others.or made bad impressions countless that made both friends and aquaitences distance themselves from me because my moods where manic anixous depressed or a combination of the three. I can totaly understand how no one wants a freind like that. It just sux, sometimes I wish I could just stand up and scream "this isn't the reaal me!!!!!" but once it comes to a certain point pople's impressions of you don't really change. And yes I know already that I shouldn't focus on the past..... this is mostly done in retrospect. Nowdays I am comming up with some new stratigies for understanding people I don't typically evince anything about bipolar and I try to seek to understand  understand others before I get them to understand me I also try to find a common thread. It has been helping I still do feel awkuard from time to time.
I guess I should get out more I relise that if I never verture outside my hole, I'll always be a cavem-er I mean cavewoman same diffrence. so I guess I tryed finding somethings I joined the inturpreting students association in school....And there are some other things like poetry night a few streets down from my house where people read poetry....there is also an anime night at the mall I even found a support group for young adults just down the street... unfortunately and all of those things are on school nights durring the time I have school. I try not to give up but I feel frustrated and depressed. The highlight of my friday afternoon is doing my laundry and sitting down to play a playstation game or read a book by myself. Its really embaressing posting all this but can anyone else realte to this

[kathy434]

A common thread to all of your statements is that you are lonely and having trouble finding somebody you can share a friendship with.
I wouldn't be so quick to "blame" the Bipolar for your troubles.  You need to consider what things interest you enough that you would be enthusiastic about.  Walking, running, basketball, football, school subjects, hobbies, work, church activities, art, writing, talking, volunteer work, etc.  Give this some thought and write down your ideas so you can look at them several times through the week, add to them, cross some off etc.
As for friends.  You have got to be a friend before you can make new friends.  Also be grateful for the few friends you actually have right now.  Sure you can't spend every minute with them, they also have lives to live separate from you.  And this is healthy.  If the pillars holding up a building stand too close to each other, the building will fall over.  But put space between the pillars and the building can stand strong and balanced and sustain the span of time.  Don't discount the friendship of your husband. This is most important.  You are married to each other and if he treats you well, be grateful and be his friend back.
Most of all, you need to be your own best friend.  What would you do to treat somebody, as a best friend would treat them?  Think it over.  When you come up with some answers, then use those ideas in treating yourself as your best friend.
I know that Bipolar Disorder has its ups and downs.  But it is not always either/or.  There are times when you feel "normal" too.  Use these normal times to get involved with your community, an organization that helps others, your church activities, be a scout leader or assistant; whatever, get yourself out of your house and into the scheme of life.  Being positive and friendly, smiling and sharing conversation, reaching out to others all makes you desirable for friendship by another person.  And if that doesn't happen right away, well, at least you will be on a happier beam of light being amongst others.  To wait for some divine intervention to change your luck while you sit in gloom, sorrow and loneliness, is totally pointless.  Get up and get out where the people are and stay out there as much as you possibly can.  It is up to you each to make your new friendships, to make your lives happy and full.
Also a Bipolar 1.

[Tcampbell977]

I too only have a couple close friends and it gets depressing because one moved half an hour out of town and I have no car. And my other friend who I've known for 10 years is working so we don't get to hang out to much. And I totally withdraw from everyone when I get depressed. I have never been diagnosed with Bipolar but I go through cycles of happy-sad-happy-sad and lots of people in my family have been diagnosed with it.

[Alex_X_18]

btw I know what you mena xila I used to have the same problem with my ex
I was doen alot and he wanted to go out cuz he was real outgoing but I was depressed alot so it made things kinda tough

[Alex_X_18]

wow lots more replies yay me!
but yeah I have similar problems to all of you...
I try contacting others sending texts like we should hangout
I try to do it sparingly as not to seem needy or desprate
and SOMETIMES we do,....but I crave a closer friendship where there are more conversations and hangout times...I know I need to make an effort to relate to others listen carefuly to what they have to say.....that is mostly what people consider a good friend is someone who understands them as an individula
act normal and ask questions
and not display my bipolar or lack of confidence and that this will help....ect ect....
But its very easy to feel frustrated I can't tell anyone about this because
1) its a bipolar issue so others will not empathise
2) other normal people tend to think your a a wet blanket/looser when you complain about not having any friends
so espicaly lately I've felt really under the weather about it

[rogelio63]

I can relate.  I found it very difficult to form close relationships and chalked it up to believing that people just don't do that anymore.  Maybe this was the influence of the bipolar before I was even diagnosed.  I have one close friend.  I've had him since high school.  My brothers are all close but I don't have the courage to tell them about my diagnosis.  I'm trying to push myself a bit more.  Make myself more something,,I don't know.  I remember thinking, because I'm a musician, they really like the music but they don't know me, and wondering if they'd still like it if they knew me.
I digress. I think putting yourself out there in the support groups, student groups etc,,, is risky,(in that anytime you attempt a relationship you put yourself at risk for being hurt) but you have to prepare yourself and do it.  You can do it!

[Xila31]

My biggest problem is I feel lonely when I feel like no one understands or cares. I have a lot of trouble making friends and keeping them. I can look back and see how many of the people I thought were friends were just putting up with me. Now I don't know any of them anymore. It is for the best, but looking back I wonder why I was so dumb to think they were my friends?

It is hard in close relationships. I become distant and aloof. I have a lot of anxiety and I don't really like going out often. I like to be home and inside where it is safe, and I use up so much energy going to work. That makes it hard in a relationship because my husband wants to go out, but I dont' really want to go. Not because I don't want to spend time with him but because I'm already worn out.

Bipolar has a big effect on family and he is so important to me but I feel terrible because I'm not the happy, perky, confident, emtionally stable person. I try but I fail at things so much and then he doesn't understand why it doesn't get better. I started my meds again yesterday so I'm hoping I will not be vomiting any more and maybe get stable. :(

[kate997]

I agree with everything you said. It was hard aswell as touching to read your post. I'm only 14 but i think i can comprehend how you feel. What you wrote was like someone putting into words how I feel. Usually when I try to express things to others especially my boyfriend I get muddled then frustrated at myself then depressed and angry and think of the most drastic thing to do. i know it's a chiche'd thing for a girl of my age to say. But I know how hormonal mood swings work but watching other people and experiencing it myself but i know that cutting oneself and sleeping less than 5 hours a night and having poorer social skills than usual, a complete lack of concentration and the related are not typical behaiviour of any body that I know. I'm wondering if it is worth seeing someone about this. I saw a psychologist but it just made me anrgy.

[theguts]

I can totally relate to you!  As bipolars we crave friendships, but they are hard to com by.  I am on facebook and even all the old people from high school and college ignore my posts! They reply to or comment on everyone else's but mine!! This has been really frustrating for me!
I go to Church, but I am only superficially close to people there.  We talk before and after meetings and sometimes we have get-togethers, but that is it.  I only have one close friend around my age and she has a baby to take care of so we don't have time to get together.
Anyway, to make a long story short, I feel lonely a lot of the time.  My husband is my best friend, but he is family so that doesn't count!

[Alex_X_18]

Thanks for the replies,...
I try not to let it bring me down. The loneliness I mean...
however its nice to feel that someone can relate

[paranoid_cataclysm]

I also relate to it a lot but I'm tired right now so I can't sort my thoughts out on something complex like that right now to write it down.  I don't understand it, I moved from my last town and a bunch of these people who never went out of their way to talk to me or come over and such were like when are you coming home.  I was thinking well it's not like it's any different since you never hung out with me or invited me places with you anyway and we only ever talked on the internet these days.  Cr*p I'll be back in a few hours or so to see if I can think of advice for you.

[ILADVOCATE]

Yes. Aside from a close friendship I have the reason I lost some friends and acquaintences is because (at the time) I was off a mood stabilizer at the time and as well one of the medications for my physical disability was making me psychotic (it was changed) so although they were in the wrong I deliberately did things to antagonize them back and alienate them. I look back and can see that was wrong. Its a bit frustrating now as there are some severe physical limitations I have such as the dysphagia making me barely communicative but otherwise I would certainly go out and about and meet more people and with some accomodations (such as the TTY, Access A Ride and home attendant) I am trying to get back into society. I do know that before my physical disability that my basic strategy was that if I felt alone and depressed to go out and motivate myself to meet other people, such as going to poetry readings. Its important to remember that other people's antagonistic behavior can be a problem and sometimes is a reason to discontinue acquaintenceships but don't let it become part of your life and if you feel that way ask yourself why and talk it over. Setting emotional boundaries is an essential step.