dealing with bad decisions

[mom720]

My daughter has just been diagnosed with bipolar 1.  She has made many bad decisions i.e. adandon children and moved, had an affair, spent thousands of dollars, opened credit cards etc.  At this point she is dealing with this diagnosis.  She needs to make some better decisions.  She needs to figure out how the issues can be dealt with.  She needs help in making amends and dealing with the credit cards.  

[mom720]

No she is not living with us.  It has been almost 7 mos since she has moved into an apartment, away from her kids and husband.  She has finally been diagnosed after seeing many health professionals and taking a score of meds.  Hopefully we will start to heal all this and she can become stablelized and start mending.

thanks

[NotALICE]

Sounds like you are doing your best by her. And you're  right, trust has to start somewhere. I hope things level out with her moods & her lying.

Do you know how I can tell my 17yo is lying? His lips are moving.

He lies about everything, so mostly, I double check his whatever he's telling me. Trust has not started with him.  Is your daughter living with you?

Hugs!

[mom720]

I truly believe that all the destruction she has done was definitely a result of the bipolar.  Of course now she has to get on the right tract for a lot of trust building etc.  She also has to tackle the $ thousand of $ that she has accumulated through all this.

thanks so much

[mom720]

thanks  I have hopes for things to work out for her.  This has left destruction in her marriage.  I am finding that although the family loves her they are hesitant in believing this is her problem.  She has lied so much in the past that it is hard for some members to show some compassion.  For me the trust has to start somewhere and I need to believe her until I have a reason not to.  She needs to get herself together regarding the credit cards she opened and is not paying on.  thanks again

[mom720]

She is 38 yrs old.  thanks

[mills2012]

I understand the frustration on both ends. I was diagnosed when I was 16 and I ruined my family. It is going to be a process for both of you, you and everyone else needs to FORGIVE her, LOVE her and show her your NOT giving up on her! now that does not mean you have to let her live with you but help her stand on her own and get her own indapendance! You need to be the shoulder she can cry on and be the listening ear ( with no judgment ). She needs someone who she can trust and depend on and someone who understands the diagnosis. Be comforting not hostile even if what she is sayinfg does not make sence just remember that we with bipolar get in MANIC states and they can be happy, mad, or even deppressive state and we will always come out of them and when we do then are more accepting to the things that need to happen then we are when we are in a MANIC state. Just be patient PRAY and forgive it takes awhile to understand how it affects each person because we are all differant and will react differant to each situation. I am blessed to have the parents I have because they have been patient with me even though I put them through hell.

[NotALICE]

I agree with Bubulous & Thatquietgirl - time. They both shared really great advice. She'll need time to adjust to her meds, therapy and a period of recovery.

I'm speaking from my own experience of trying to make amends and clean up a destructive past too quickly.  It was overwhelming and led to a worsening of mental health & more setbacks, and truth be told, even more destructive behavior, even if that's wasn't my intent.

Some things may not be able to be put off, but be patient with her. (And I am sure you have already been over the years).

I'm speaking both as a woman who has Bipolar Disorder and as a mother of a son who has Bipolar Disorder.

My very best hopes for you & your family.

[thatquietgirl]

It will definitely take some time.  She has to accept her diagnosis and be compliant with both therapy and medication, which may or may not take time depending on her personality and/or if she is in the midst of an episode right now.  Then, therapy has to help her learn to recognize her triggers, etc.  Medication itself can take years to get just right.

You have to understand when she is severely manic, she isn't 100% in control of what she is doing.  You have to be as understanding and supportive as possible rather than judgmental.  It might not be a bad idea to go to a therapy session with her to learn what bipolar disorder is.  Then, once she's been in therapy for a while, go again to one session to learn her triggers and how what you do helps/hinders and what needs to change so she can get better.  It really helped my parents to understand when they did that.

[Bubulous]

It is going to take some time for all of this to happen.  After being diagnosed as a type one...it took me two years to accept it and be complant with the meds.  
How old is she?

[mommyluvzkidz]

OMG THATZ SUCKZ AN IM SORRY TO HEAR THAT BIPOLAR IZ HARD TO DEAL WIT MY SISTER HAZ IT AN LOOSES HER FRIENDZ OVER IT SHE SNAPS ALOT THEN LAUGHS AN GETZ REALL SNAPPY OUT OF NOWERE I AM RAISIN HER SON SHE REFUSED TO TAKE CARE OF CAUSE SHE THINKS SHE HAS NO RESPONSIBILITY ITZ HARD JUST TRY TO STAY STRONG AN PRAY SHE GETS HELP