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Bipolar Disorder Community
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feeling fragile so many red flags

what do you do to stop the, what seems to be the inevitable! today I wake after my first night of less sleep than normal, about 4 or so hours feeling sick to the stomach, that anxiety tight feeling of dread like something bad is about to happen. My mind filling with irrational thoughts and a sense of mental numbness, feeling so dull that even the bright clothes im wearing don't excite me and yet in a conversation with someone I can feel the excitement tingling my senses making me aware that I can go either way, that mixed up feeling of happiness and sadness at the same time. I guess if I was in front of a dr he would say I was in a mixed episode and so what do I do with that information, just sit back and wait, try and hault it in someway or just relax and go with it no matter what the consequences. does anyone just want to let go and let what ever happen even if its not good news for you, I feel like that right now, screaming inside yet smiling at my customers like nothing is wrong. So can I be truly bipolar if as I am now unmedicated and living a fairly normal life, looking from the outside like I have a normal life and yet my emotions and feelings show a different picture inside. I feel like im on a tight rope waiting to see will I get to the other side or will I fall or will I fly! who knows and who cares I guess. The pressure to just keep calm and carry on is so huge in my world, im not allowed to be sick, too many people relying on me, demanding I be normal and support them and do for them that one day I may break again, will it be next week, next year or is this in my control. I wish someone could tell me what to do.
1 Responses
Avatar universal
You need to go see your psychiatrist, stat, since you sound like you're about to lose it.  Go back on what has worked before, until you've been stable for a while (I believe a minimum of 3 months completely symptom free before starting a taper is a general rule, but don't quote me on that).  After that, you'll have to see.  Some people, who are really good at telling when an episode is coming, are able to start meds, usually an antipsychotic or atypical antipsychotic, when they need to.  Some people report using things like zyprexa for a short while, which works for them to abort an episode, although they might still be taking their normal mood stabilizers in between episodes.  

But that's long term.  You need to do something RIGHT NOW, because you sound like you are rapidly approaching crisis, and remember that it will take time to get an appointment and that it will take even more time for any treatment to work.  Don't wait until you can't stand it any more, because then you will have to keep on standing it (been there, done that, not fun).
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