grief and bipolar

[jst4shanell]

My father died 2 weeks ago of heroin addiction and alcoholism.  I am BP1 w frequent psychotic features.  I dont know what is what.  This whole situation feels like major BP depression but with a twist.  I have seen my psychiatrist already and he has given me extra anti anxiety meds and anti-psychotic meds in case (which I have found under extreme stress, I hallucinate).   I see my Psychologist next week to have a talk therapy session.  I just feel I am in limbo and on the verge.  My anxiety is through the roof.  And of course BP people know it's not simple anxiety.  It's unrealistic anxiety.  Like being so anxious I lay awake at night with the visions of my father a zombie in the hospital bed instead of of what it really was.  WTF

[moonpanda]

I'm very, very sorry for your loss and for your father's struggles. I haven't lost a parent, but my best friend died suddenly last summer, and I do understand what you mean when you say that it feels like major BP depression, but with a twist. I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this type of pain while also worrying about losing your mental stability on top of it all.

But like Xila said, you are taking very good and responsible steps by keeping your doctor up to date and by being vigilant for any symptoms that may begin to appear as time goes on while grieving. Just make sure to take care of yourself, as best as you can manage right now at least.

The crushing anxiety part was one of the hardest things to cope with in my experience, and sleeping was a huge struggle because of this. I still have disturbing visions and flashbacks of her at the most inopportune times (for example, during a midterm exam last week), but most come during those quiet hours before sleep and upon waking. As long as you continue to take care of yourself and keep in close contact with your doctors, you will be able to press on despite this horrible anxiety, as impossible as that notion must feel right now.

Again, I'm so very sorry to hear about your father's passing, and I wish you the best of luck with your own health as well during this difficult time.

[Xila31]

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear about your father. :(

It sounds like he was having a rough time of things. Hopefully he is at peace now.

I lost my mom when I was a kid, so I know the grief of losing a parent. It is a hard thing, no matter if you knew it was coming or not. I had a lot of scary dreams and nightmares and ideas after my mom was gone, too. They also centered around the hospital, but mine were more like she was behind a door and I couldn't get in.

I would say you're taking good steps to see your doctors right now. Just try to take it a day at a time for now. Try to take care of yourself as best you can. I know that's hard even under normal circumstances for us, but you know, doesn't hurt to try.

Keep us posted.