lieing

[PK57]

I am 50 and have 2 kids. Been together for 20 years. I have never cheated on her, but i continue to lie to her about stupid things. I lie to her all the time no matter what. .

But of course when I lie to her it makes things ten times worse, but i dont seem to be able to quit. I dont want her to hurt anymore and i dont want her to have anything to worry about. I want her to believe in me again.
Its my fault she hurts and doesn't believe anything i say, but i want to correct the lieing problem.
Please Help!

[mandyo2011]

yep, that about sums it up! thanks for your honesty and insight.  i've lied as far back as i can remember.  i also date a liar, and that can get annoying!  At work, i pretend I have a boyfriend who is not the person I am dating.  I tend to blame over controlling parents.  they have always made me feel like i wasn't good enough the way i was, so i had to pretend to be someone else.  also that my responses to things weren't the right ones, so i had to pretend i felt the way they wanted  me to feel.  unfortunately, i am now always judging other people's responses.  i don't know myself either, but am always trying to be what i think someone else wants me to be.  So - no self esteem, no self love, and i've forgotten what it's like to look in the mirror and see someone beautiful. (I think I used to be pretty - i did commercials and print ads for a couple years)  <-no lie, haha.
Oh - as i am getting older, i am realising that my mom tended to stretch the truth quite a bit - like telling me she had the cops keeping an eye on me when i went to the bars, and telling my friends we had mafia connections - those were definitely not true statements!! (but i didn't know that then)  i feel like the charisma i have could have taken me far, but the lies i produce left me a loser and everyone knows it.  

I can stop lying for periods of time, but if I dont watch myself, they just come out.  i sometimes wonder how much i made up and perhaps didn't even realise??  it sure does feel good to know you are telling the truth though!

[freebird227]

My bad..................... I totally mis read a post by someone else........... and I totally took their post out of context................ I humbly apologise to the both of you
I still think my experience with being forthcomming to your wife to early would not serve to lift either of you up............
   Be patient and mindfull of the next steps you take in this.So this turns out to be a Win-Win.

[freebird227]

I will admitt after about 15 lines of excuses for your behavior..... I lost interest
    You will not like this and I am ok with that.....
Women are a lot smarter than you give your wife credit for. She does not confront you because she has a family to keep together.
   Your friends just accept things as they are because they don't want to rock the boat.
Your children probally already know.................
You give yourself a lot of credit for being a skillfull liar~~almost like a Badge Of Honor
Guess what................you are probally only fooling yourself with your grandious behavior.
   Women are patient....................Never under estimate the secrets she keeps.
CONFESS To Her..............No, This is your deal, not hers. So don't make yourself feel better by dumping on her. Made amends except when to do so would ingure them or others............. This is your deal, Get the help you need but until things are clear............Leave her and your family out of it.............................

I really am a nice, caring, loving, person. I wish for you all the best. Give yourself time to heal and find some acceptance as to what you are so afraid of. But trust me in this.......Don't take this to her until you are clearer about things..............Good luck

[julie1224]

my suggestion is to be honest tell her if you really want the truth i'llgive it to u you might not like what i have to but but by God i will ,then ull have the turth.  but let her know you can sugar coat it and it wont feel so mean....i am the most honest person in the world but i always ask are u sure u want to know the truth

[deceitfulone]

I lie constantly as well, to both family, friends co-workers, and most importantly, and regretably, to the person that I love most.
My path to becomming a liar started off very early in life. Lying to be the best, to be liked and appreciated. Lying to be more interesting, and popular. I would steal money to buy things for people in attempt to win them over. I used to steal to be considered cool, and lie about it.
Cover up my true intensions with lies.
Truth is all I ever wanted was to be accepted and loved. I just did it the wrong way, and I perfected the craft of lying to the point that it became all of me.
I have never felt good enough to be myself. Constantly running, running to avoid the sting of the reality that I am just a simple, mundane person.
Little did I know I have been running in circles on a thin line.
Someone I love confronted me about my lying, and how it affects the way that they view me. They cannot trust me, or believe anything that I say, and with good reason, they do not want to commit to a relationship with me.
I am a liar. Through and through, and though it is hard to admit, I must embrace the truth, that I have been wearing the souls of my shoes thin, running from the truth.
The truth is
I know very little about myself.
Emotionally and outwardly.
I dont know what my interests are, and what it is that makes me feel passionate.
I have lost all interest in myself, and my emotional being.
I have taken my empty life, and filled it with lies and tactics of manipulation.

I use lying as a way to fill the emotional void in my heart.
Lying and manipulation go hand in hand.  I would envoke certain feelings of other people. Sympathy, being the main one. I am a sucker for playing the victim. I will lie to make someone feel a certain way towards me and my situation.
I lie so much that my truth is hidden beneath the surface of lies, and even when I am honest, it doens't feel like I am being true. Every lie is linked to another lie, linked to another, that probably stems from a deeply seeded truth that is constantly being avoided.
One lie paves the way for another, and it is really difficult to admit, that most of my life consists of layers upon layers of mundane lies and happenings. I dont feel sorry for myself anymore, I feel ashamed and embarrassed. I feel disgusted that I could even allow such fraud to roll off my tongue.
I feel sick to my stomach, and unhappy with my life.
I feel like every relationship I have formed in life, is mostly fabricated.
And the ones that are truly based on real emotions and connections, are lost in a web of lies I have created.
How can I expect anyone to forgive me?
Mostly how can I forgive myself so that I can start walking this long path to recovery.
Each day will be an internal struggle that starts at the deepest, most empty part of myself and stems outwards in to the hearts and minds of those around me.
I want to know myself again.
I need to commit to my own mental stabitity and let my once dancing spirit flourish again.
I take responsibility, and although I may faulter
I refuse to fail in this journey to find myself
I refuse to maintian this path of self destruction
I refuse to let this be all that I am.
I want to dance.

[jo929]

by all means you should seek help there are people that are labled pathological liars   the truth would fit better but they still want to tell that lie wish i knew why       lots of luck  jo

[Barb925]

Dac has some really good points. I you may need also need some marriage counseling.  And also go to a therapist to get some advice about your lieing and how you may be able to stop.

[DLA]

You need to see a therapist or a psychiatrist and see if there really is a reason for this or if it is just you.  There are a few conditions that cause this.  But if it is just you then you also need help.  If you really want your marriage to last, and you sound like you really do, you need to get help now not later.

Good luck.
Dac

[Barb925]

You have to remember that she loves you and in order for your relationship to last, you need to remember that you love her and you don't want her to leave you if you continue to lie.