my boyfriend is bipolar, how do I cope?

[collombine]

Hello, I am hoping you can help me shed some light on how I best deal with my boyfriend. He is a wonderful, super intelligent, gifted, photographic memory, spiritual and a wonderful lover kind of guy and understands me better than I do myself at times. But....of course there is always one of those! He is Bipolar. This is something he was diagnosed with years ago, but does not take medication for. He tried for a couple of weeks last year, but they made him so high and tight jawed that he gave up. Also at that time he was at a friends house, drank most of a bottle of whiskey, got in a car and lost his license. I was called up at 2am from a hospital asking did I know this man and would I come and get him. Of course I hadn't slept a wink anyway, as I had a feeling something was not right. He has a problem with drink, does not drink often, but when he does he gets very drunk very quickly and either loves the world or on the other tip of the knife edge cries and hates everything most of all me of course. The day after he invariably tells me he wants to break up, that I would be better off without him or that I'm such a princess that he can't even stand the sound of my voice anymore. I can't just treat him like someone who is ill as he has a very strong nature and when he feels something, my god he really feels it. I find it hard to cope, now luckily he has got himself a dream job, I have been supporting him for about a year now financially , in another country, but as you may know Europe is small and flights are cheap so it is no huge deal. I am, as is my family, hoping that he can cope. So far so good, they all love him. We are all sitting here waiting for the chain to break and hoping that wont happen, that might sound mean but that's how it is when experience shows that is what normally happens. This job really is one of those that could set him up for life in an exciting environment,  yet with the routine I think he needs. He tried to start a business himself but mostly couldn't get out of bed in the morning. Now I do not resent him for turning me into as he calls me a 'stress bunny', I just would love to know how I best deal with him, so that I don't have to walk on eggshells, yet pretending not to be, so he doesn't howl at me. Hope this makes sense to someone out there...

[ILUVU]

I want to know why my boyfriend can love me he love me but question my intent daily  why am with him one mintue he so in love with me and wants to marry me have kids then the next he planning on moving to other state really am confused does he really love me or is it his bipolar making him push away from me ????????????

[Xila31]

I'm reading this thinking, "He needs meds," and I'm sorry to say so but I think that is what will save him. You said he tried meds and they made him high and tight jawed. Such as manic or anxiety attack? I was on Abilify and would make me have these panic attacks with strange spasms that would make me "lock up" sort of all over my body. And they made me really jittery.

The thing is, there are tons of bipolar meds and not everyone uses the same combination. It can take a long time. But, down the road, the longer you wait to treat it, the worse it will be. Also, with the drinking, that's not good either. He probably drinks to self-medicate, but as you say it makes him one way or the other. That can be a danger to you since it sounds like he turns on you. Plus, with an accident that put him in the hospital, he is really in danger.

He should see a psychiatrist and get some help. Holding down even a dream job will become harder with time. I am not in my dream job and I struggle, but I have to work. But, even then, it is so hard and I am worried all the time about having an episode at work again.

These are just some things I've seen. But in truth, you should also see a therapist to work on yourself. Just because you're a caretaker doesn't mean you can't also take care of yourself. He may do things because of bipolar, but that is still no excuse to tear up his loved ones, especially since he knows he has it and knows he should be medicated. Unfortunately, bipolar does not go away. You can just treat it.

I hope this helps. Take care!

[HoneyNut]

It's wonderful when people who do not suffer from Bipolar still reach out for help for others who are!

It sounds as if your boyfriend is very independent.  I also got the feeling that he is very extreme (correct me if I am wrong), meaning he is very black and white -- it's either this or that.  What really struck me was the phrase you used, "walk on eggshells".  I am certainly no Psychiatrist, and do not try to be, but it was how I read the description of your boyfriend that made me think, 'borderline personality disorder' and the book I recently read about the disorder.  It might be something you want to research.  But like I said, I certainly am in no position to diagnose.

Bipolars definitely need support and consistency.  How has he normally performed at his previous jobs while being on zero medication?  If he had trouble getting out of bed, while he was trying to start his own business, do you foresee that being a problem with his current job he has now?  It sounds as if you have been his piggy bank, does he have problems managing his finances, or have there been extenuating circumstances?

You definitely cannot force a Bipolar to take medication... do you remember the medication(s) that he was on when he did try?  What are his other Bipolar symptoms?

Best wishes,

HoᴖeyNᴗt