am BP II.....was afraid of hypo mania and went to my pdoc 20 days ago.....he raised my lamictal to 200 mg and put me on trileptal 150 mg........after 17 days my mood curve started to go down and i felt depression creeping and tried to fight it back but it defeated me two days now,today am kind of dead,,,,,,,,closing on my self do not leave bed only for bathroom.my social life is vanished,i cannot explain it to people coz they wont understand it and i do not like their sympathy...................
in order to write this post i was pushing myself all morning to write it and i have to have extremely loud music if i wanna do anything but it does not last long, and the neighbors are complaining
my pdoc is away and wont be available for the next two weeks and actually i do not trust that any meds will do me any good ,nothing is really working ,,but i just take what they am told
i believe there is more than meds that i really need but sometimes it is harder to do,,,,for example if i go on my early morning walks again am gonna be better but i could not do it for 6 days now and even if i walk up i do not know why i cannot simply dress up and through that door,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i feel nothing but STUPID....when you know somehow what can help you and yet you for no reason cannot do it.....................
this DEPRESSION IS A LIFE KILLER ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,next time i feel a hypo mania is on its way i wont tell anyone,,,hope to have one soon maybe it helps me coming to surface again