trying to undertand bipolar disgnosis

[rudyk]

hi all, my husband just came out of inpatient treatement for bipolar.  he is on abilify, klonipin and seroquel.   during his last manic episode (which led to hospitaizaiton) he commited adultery with a woman he had affiar with previously and we had been going to counseling to repair marriage. (she took him to europe for 10 days where he stayed drunk for alot it) my question is this...i see he is suffering and not well...but this time i think i am done...how does the disease contribute to this behavior...or does it?

[beth62]

DEAR RUDY-- I MYSELF BEING BI-POLAR FOR THE LAST 20 PLUS YRS, CAN CER- TAINLY SYMPATHIZE WITH YOU, AND THE TERRIBLE PROBLEMS THAT YOUR HUSBAND'S BIPOLAR DISORDER HAS BROUGHT UPON YOU...   HOWEVER, IN ALL THE YEARS THAT THIS DISORDER HAS TAKEN IT'S TOLL ON ME AND MY FAMILY THE DISEASE ITSELF HAS YET TO CAUSE ME TO RUN AWAY ON  TRIPS WITH OTHER  MEMBERS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX...  I HONESTLY BELIEVE IF YOU LOVE AND RESPECT YOUR SPOUSE THERE WOULDN'T BE ANY OF THIS KIND OF DISRESPECT GOING ON IN THE MARRIAGE.  I"M SORRY, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE THERE IS ONE WHO IS DOING THE TAKING, WHILE THE OTHER KEEPS ON GIVING.  

[bernie40]

Hi, this is a difficult question.  It is far to easy to blame bipolar for our "mistakes" but I do think that we have to take responsibility for our actions.  I have read research that says that it is not uncommon to become more sexually active when in the manic phase of bipolar, also it is known that when manic we bp'ers do things that we would not normally do.

Saying all of this I would ask whether or not he is showing remorse for his actions or whether he is hiding behind is bp diagnosis and ask yourself whether you are able to move forward now that he is on medication to help stabilize his moods.

I have never been unfaithful to my husband and even when in a manic phase and the temptation has been there something deep deep inside me tells me not to go there, but we are all different.

I wish you all the best.

[RubyShooz]

I agree with the others -- it's too easy for us to blame bipolar for all our mistakes and poor judgement.  There comes a point where we must take responsibility for our own actions.  Bipolar has made me do some stupid things in the past, but I always took my marriage vows seriously and would never cheat on my husband.  I have had 3 marriages and 3 divorces -- due to other reasons, not due to infidelity.

Perhaps a marriage counselor would help you sort this all out.
Best of luck,
Linda

[Delusion]

I think running around europe with another woman is breaking the limits of what any of us can blame bipolar on. When your manic you do feel the rush your sociable want to be with everyone and do tend to be more flirty and things more so than you would when not feeling manic.. it comes over your fast yet its always subtle and sometimes there are things you end up doing that you realise are probally due to the bipolar..

I would say cheating i.e a one night stand is pretty common amoung people with bipolar but when it comes to a full affair and whiz round europe he most certainly carnt blame it completely on his bipolar.