what happened to my wife.

[helpmywife13]

My wife has suffered from postpartum depression after all 5 of our children. Our 4th was a full term stillborn. She then had an emergency hysterectomy about 3 years ago. During this time we bought a business that has failed and had one thing after another happen. My wives o.b. is a great doctor and has stayed on top of this. She has been on wellbutrin for the past 5-7 years. I have noticed changes over the past year but thought it was because of stress.  I have just found out that my wife has been in contact with an old boyfriend that she hasn't seen in 15 years. She also decided on her own to stop taking her medicine because her dad has made negative comments about it.  They just talked as friends and she would tell him how bad our life was. This is not true, we have a great relationship and are best friends. This other guy slowly tried to persuade her that she deserved better and tried to get her to come see him (he lives in another state thank goodness). As this progressed my wife started feeling uneasy about the things they talked about and started taking her meds again off and on. I also felt something was happening and found out about the texting. As we have talked about this my wife has been beating herself up because she made things up, hid this from me, and jeopardized our marriage. The hardest thing for her is that during this she didn't have feelings of guilt or even try to hide it from me. She is scared and thinks she is a bad person because this happened. I feel lucky that we caught it when we did but would like some advice on handling this in the future. She would also like some answers on how she could do something so unlike her. Her doctor has her back on wellbutrin and lexapro. Thanks,

[Xila31]

It's possible it could have been mania. Risk taking which includes cheating is a symptom some people have. Also poor judgement is a symptom. Going off meds, too Best thing would be for her to see a psychiatrist. I had post-partum with both of my kids, well, not really since it was probably also the bipolar. Sometimes people's mania is hypomania so she may not seem that abnormal but you feel good so you think you're okay, but you're not.

Also if her dad is talking about meds and causing her to feel shameful, I would say that is one person not to disclose to. Not everyone needs to know. Dad doesn't need to know if he's going to be putting her down for having an illness (yes a real live illness that actually can be treated with medicine but not cured, just like diabetes. shock!) So, whether it's major depressive, bipolar, anything. Just don't disclsoe to him. He obviously is not a support person in that area. My dad doesn't know for just that same reason. It is nothing to be ashamed of to have an illness and need medicine, and it ***** but sadly mental illness is still stigmatised.

Also, go to couple's counceling to work this out. If she is bipolar she will need meds, psychiatrist, and talk therapy, and to take care of herself. But cheating is still wrong and it is important that she know she has this tendancy, own it, and work to keep herself from doing it. We all have stuff we fight, we don't have to be the illness, we just happen to have an illness.

[julie1224]

sounds like bipolor to me but if she dont want the help you cant force her
be supportive try to persuade her to get back on the meds please see a phyc dr.  undrestnd it isnt her falt.  i think there is a hormone we lose with every child because i got worse with every child.  look at is like diabeties youll have it for ever but it can be control it and you ahouldnt be imbarassed its not something you can control

[yarrow]

Speaking as a long-married person, I have found that now and then there are subjects that are just too difficult to work out by ourselves, so on a couple of occasions, we have gone to a counselor for some help.  It is amazing how quickly a good therapist can open a situation up and help you find a solution--sometimes in just one or two sessions.

[ApRiLGeTsAngry77]

Is she on a mood stabilizer? It looks like she is on 2 AD but where is her mood stabilizer?
I think in order to prevent something like this from happening in the future, she needs to have an open communication line with you. Having bipolar is not an excuse to cheat on your husband. I wish you the best and hope this does not happen again.