1601734 tn?1297794762

Any tips, or advice, etc for increasing motivation?/ setting and follow through?

Hello Everyone

I joined this website today out of desperation. I will be turning 25 in a month, and I want to gain healthy control of my life. I want to learn how to get my butt out of bed and be productive for a change. I was just recently hired for a wonderful job position that will satisfy my soul, not just my debt pay off. So I want to start living for a change. I also have an incredible person in my life, who is an even more incredible support. His patience with my intrusive thoughts, and 'temper tantrums' for a lack of better words, has been inspiring, and a first. I want to put as much effort into this as he has. I just started meds to stabilize my moods, and help with the depression. Now, because of a lack of guidance, I am asking for help with motivation, goal setting and mostly, follow through.

Now that I have asked for what I need. I think it's a good idea to give a quick background to help with understanding. This upcoming week marks the 10th anniversary of me being removed from my home by social services. I was 14 when I removed, I was 9 when the physical abuse started. I was 6 when I truly lost my self esteem. I was 5 when it was encouraged by my GP to be removed from my mother's custody. I was 3 when the sexual abuse started. Somewhere in all this I developed an Eating Disorder, Anorexia. I have been told by some highly credited therapists through an IP program I was in, to cut off all ties with my family to help me. I always wanted this, so their reinforcement helped me. I haven't spoken to my family in almost a year. I have also legally changed my name to help me create my new separate self, which has been wonderful.

I have moments of clarity, though they don't last long, and usually occur in the aftermath of one of my self destructing war paths. Which I need to manage better so I can grow old with the love of my life. It leads me feeling embarrassed, but can increase my motivation and productivity. When this occurs, I give over 110%, I;m full of steam and passion and I actually feel accomplished. I love it. But then  a set back occurs. This could be a simple passing comment that I take the wrong way, or another set back with my health. Whatever the cause, it throws me off the wagon and leaves me in the dust. Then I spiral down and it takes months, sometimes years to get out of this state. I can't keep wasting my life away in a bed all day long.

Where I live, has extremely limited support programs. I am waiting now to get into one of the only programs we have, but sadly my increased anxiety has made that challenging to move forward with.

I just want to live. And be happy. I know I may never reach 100%, but anything is better than 0%.

Thank you so much for your time, and consideration.

3 Responses
Avatar universal
I think that in time learning to deal with the self-destructive moments more skillfully will help with increased self-confidence, etc and with integrating split off parts.

If you can give yourself permission to not be perfect all the time and try to stop the cycle where you are and try and move forward from that that could give you some space plus you don't have to wade through the overwhelming negative emotions.
Things don't have to be bad for them to be bad.  Try talking about how you feel without recreating all those negative emotions.  Some people do understand without it needing to be acted out.  If they don't then try validating your own emotions.

What I have learned through medhelp is that incremental changes can be most effective.  Make small changes on a regular basis.  In time these accrue and will become more noticeable.

If it were me I would try and do the basics.  Get up at the same time.  Go to bed at a reasonable hour.  Exercise.  Eat healthily.  Address any physical or emotional issues.
Set yourself realistic goals.  Having an idea of where you want to go can help with planning out some smaller, simpler stepping stones.  Reward yourself when you achieve some of these.

Using all that history can be motivating but failure can also lead to feelings of dispair.  Don't be hard on yourself when you have setbacks.  Take them in your stride.  Learn from them and move on.

Having structure in your day should help your mood, etc.

You could always discuss the increased anxiety, etc with a doctor.  There are medications and techniques that can help with that.  Deep breathing is always a good one.

There is an online dbt program that could be helpful.  It is the dbtclass found in the yahoo health groups.

There are a number of programs available for depression.
www.depression.org.nz and www.moodgym.edu.au.  Not sure if those addresses are right.  I can't access the sites due to a slow internet connection.

You could always try googling support groups in your country.  There are bound to be free ones.

One of the previous at medhelp had some useful skills.  He has a website shrinkyourself.com.  While it mainly concerns people who overeat some of the information may be helpful on a deeper level.

If use still have access to a therapist then make use of that resource.
Avatar universal
I can completely relate to the things that you are experiencing and the struggle to gain momentum. A friend of mine has developed a way of daily thinking, called being "Skillfully Aware" and has a program you practice at home, with meditations that have you focus on the thought patterns that keep you "stuck" while giving you others that help build on ways to gain strength, stability and an inner sense of control, that feelings can't bring you down, that what you have within you already is enough to become healthy and have the life you want. You can look at www.skillfullyaware.com. Also if there is a MBSR group near you (Mindfullness-based Stress Reduction), I highly recommend going. It provides many of the same tools to keep you on the right track. Both have helped me quite a bit. Good luck to you, I know how hard this all is. My husband reminds me that if I don't do anything different each day I likely won't begin to feel much different, and he is right! Take one new step and it's one step more than the day before.
Avatar universal
When the issue is our inner demons that sabotage us:
Some of us have it go through a lot and in a short time. Therapy and workshops is the best way if you can afford it. If not and if you are shy Moodgym or clarifylife should help.
This article helps talk about both.
But personal relationships help a great deal. The psychological forums help and 12 steps give that while online cbts may not.

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