I was recently diagnosed with BPD. My anger and shifts in emotion don't focus on others quite like I have been reading. Instead, it's focused inward (mostly). I can have moments of hard to see straight fury and the drop down into the depths of depression heartbeats later. It's intimidating and honestly upsetting. When I do have the shifts in how I view others, it's usually how I perceive the way they feel about me. I swing between confident assurance that I am part of the circle of friends that I have to feeling like they're just tolerating my presence.
It's awful and can color how I feel about things that happen during the day. It also hinders my ability to be patient with my children. The worst part, however, is the awful feeling of disconnect that seems to seep into everything. To somebody else it may look like I'm having a great day but I feel numb and am just putting on a happy face so that I don't raise any eyebrows. I read about other people with BPD and I find myself bewildered. Does the fact that I am loyal to my husband and I generally am conflict avoidant mean that I may have been improperly diagnosed?
