BPD (pls HELPPP MEEE)

[pielun1234]

Hi all, from the past two years i've noticed that i seem different. I don't know how to explain it, i am suddenly shy, i have suicidal thoughts and feel depressed as well as the felling that i am struggle to do everyday things. I am currently 13. I am certain that i have BPD. I have completed multiple online tests and quizzes that have concluded that i most certainly have BPD  (i don't want to tell anyone - i just want to be normal!!!!). i am young, i want to be free, i don't want to go to some psychiatrist for the rest of my life trying to change who I, as a person am! I have tears in my eyes just trying to comprehend the thought that i have some thing wrong with........... me! i have this growing feeling that  there's something wrong, i want to change it, but i don't know how!!!! i am so depressed, but over it i wear a mask. i don't know who i am  anymore. I don't want to go to some specialist but i want it to stop! i want to stop my thoughts!!!!! please help me!!!