Hey, i read you re story and i have the same thing you do, I ve lived a lot of abuse myself, my family docter tho, thinks I m BPll and my psych thinks i am borderline. My dad is bipolar. I cant answer your questions, but I can understand how yo feel becasue as I was reading I felt as if I was reading something I wrote. Don t shy to message me if you wish. Be strong you can make it ^^
Please return to meditation, writing in your journal, walks, exercise and some sweet self care... My history is close to yours as well, I've been through a lot and still some days question my reality, compare myself to others, can't see my achievements, just my failures etc. I am going through a similar episode, past two days, and just noticed the date is close. This may sound flakey- but: Who knows what the moon and the stars are doing to us at these times? Some people are really sensitive to the tides and the influences of energy around us. The seasons are changing, stuff is being unearthed, feelings and emotions that may have been dormant a while are too..
I think you need to remember it will pass, know you're not alone, a lot of lovely, intelligent, creative and very cool people feel this way too.. So write, dance, breathe your way out of it. If you need to use medication as a tool for a while, do so consciously, and know that once you develop the 'habit' of quieting your mind, you may be able to do it on your own. :)
Good Luck. Chin Up. Today is a New Day.
BP and BPD can co-exist and there are differences. Take a look at the following site and hopefully it will help in defining the two and were they are the same/different. I'm dealing with both myself and am also on lamictal. when it started giving no results we added lithium to the mix - which is helping. I'm also on Cymbalta for associated depression and trazadone to help sleep. best wishes.
Thank you all for your comments and support!