Borderline Personality Disorder Community
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Avatar universal

BPII or Borderline?

I've been diagnosed with Bipolar II by my Pdoc (he doesn't believe in the diagnosis of Borderline) and although my family doctor doesn't want to interfere he's more inclined to think I'm Borderline.

I have a family history of physical and emotional abuse.  I used to come home from school sometimes and start getting my hair pulled and my head bashed against the wall for unknown reasons.  When I'd ask why I would get hit even harder because apparently I was supposed to know the reason.  (I'd later notice I put my slippers in the wrong place or something else like that.)  I've been called a **** from a young age (even before I actually had sex).  I initially resisted this label until I finally internalized it.   To make a long story short my reality to what was presented to me was always in conflict and I've had a lot of problems knowing what's real and what's not.

Recently I've been feeling out of touch with reality again.  It's kind of hard to explain.  Everything around me just feels surreal and I don't feel connected to my body.  I feel like I don't know who am, how I should act or what I stand for anymore.  I have this overwhelming feeling that something bad is going to happen but I can't define what that bad thing is.  My chest is tight and I'm unfocussed.  I frequently feel like this when I'm having conflict as I always second-guess my decisions and myself. Is this part of BPII or does it seem more similar to Borderline?  Is my insecurity causing me to feel crazy and out of touch?  

I was doing really well on 200 mg of Lamictal but now I’m not sure that the drugs were helping after all.  Right before this episode my self-care had started to deteriorate and I was no longer exercising, meditating, journaling and eating well and I’m wondering if that’s the cause.  I’m scared to go to my Pdoc because I’m afraid that he’s going to either increase or put me on stronger meds.  Any thoughts?  Has anyone else experienced this?
4 Responses
Avatar universal
Hey, i read you re story and i have the same thing you do, I ve lived a lot of abuse myself, my family docter tho, thinks I m BPll and my psych thinks i am borderline. My dad is bipolar. I cant answer your questions, but I can understand how yo feel becasue as I was reading I felt as if I was reading something I wrote. Don t shy to message me if you wish. Be strong you can make it ^^
804223 tn?1304712856
Please return to meditation, writing in your journal, walks, exercise and some sweet self care... My history is close to yours as well, I've been through a lot and still some days question my reality, compare myself to others, can't see my achievements, just my failures etc. I am going through a similar episode, past two days, and just noticed the date is close. This may sound flakey- but: Who knows what the moon and the stars are doing to us at these times? Some people are really sensitive to the tides and the influences of energy around us. The seasons are changing, stuff is being unearthed, feelings and emotions that may have been dormant a while are too..

I think you need to remember it will pass, know you're not alone, a lot of lovely, intelligent, creative and very cool people feel this way too.. So write, dance, breathe your way out of it. If you need to use medication as a tool for a while, do so consciously, and know that once you develop the 'habit' of quieting your mind, you may be able to do it on your own. :)

Good Luck. Chin Up. Today is a New Day.
202665 tn?1248806733
BP and BPD can co-exist and there are differences.  Take a look at the following site and hopefully it will help in defining the two and were they are the same/different.  I'm dealing with both myself and am also on lamictal.  when it started giving no results we added lithium to the mix - which is helping.  I'm also on Cymbalta for associated depression and trazadone to help sleep.  best wishes.

Avatar universal
Thank you all for your comments and support!  
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