I don't have any answers really but I just know exactly how you feel. I'm constantly spiraling down into this dark pit of despair and pain and suffering and I can never get myself out. It doesn't help that I have such an unsupportive partner who likes to point his finger in my face and tell me I put MYSELF through this. There's just no one to help, I've been down the road of so many medications since I was 18 (I'm now 35) along with group therapies, endless counselors, a few psychiatrists and changed relationships a few times. I'm almost at a breaking point I feel and I'm scared of what will happen. I wish someone could give me some help too.