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Borderline Personality Disorder Community
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10040761 tn?1407688891

Could this possibly be Borderline Personality Disorder?

Hello everyone. I have had suspicions about possibly having Borderline Personality Disorder for a little while, but I don't know. I'm very wary of online 'tests' for such things, as they can 'diagnose' you with a multitude of maladies that you don't have, and I also want to make it clear that I'm not self-diagnosing either. I have been thinking about bringing it up with either my counsellor or my GP, but before I do I want to be more sure about it. I don't want them to think I'm some sort of self-diagnosing hypochondriac, you know? Anyway, some things that make me think that BPD could be a possibility:

- I have very unstable emotions, I always seem to be in a state of deep depression or bursts of euphoria or just emptiness with no feelings at all (I'm not bipolar, there have been questions raised by my former psychologist and doctor about it but it has been ruled out).
- I can be quite impulsive and almost sort of want to make bad decisions and do risky things that could have bad consequences?
- I have a huge fear of being alone, and I almost need people in a way, but at the same time I push everyone away and isolate myself. Sometimes it's almost as if I'm testing who cares enough to stay with me?
- I have a huge issue with self-image (then again I am a teenage girl and what teenage girl doesn't?) which lead to eating problems (I don't see it as an eating disorder exactly, because it comes and goes and I don't think it's as serious as an eating disorder) which became its own problem for me.
- I have had long-standing issues with self-harm and suicide which apparently can be quite common in people with BPD.
- I'm pretty intense. When I get passionate about something, I REALLY get passionate about it. When I get angry, I become REALLY angry. You get the point.
- I get detached from reality sometimes. Like I sort of just zone out completely and nothing feels real and it scares my friends if it happens around them. Like recently, I was out with friends and I was really intensely happy and then I saw an old friend/acquaintance from my past and it reminded me of how much people have changed and I completely withdrew into myself. I couldn't speak. I lost sense of what was around me. It was sort of like I was watching myself in a movie, and I couldn't really control it in a way??
- Sometimes I get urges to completely re-invent myself and become someone different. Could that be related?
- I'm not sure if this is relevant, but I have a tendency to tell people that I'm not that close with my 'life story', like I'm really desperate for them to like me that I pour my heart out to them, which actually just ends up scaring them away. But on the other hand, with people that I am close with, I can clam up and not want to tell them anything personal about myself, for fear that they will dislike me if they get to know 'the real me'.

I suffer from depression, which could explain some of the symptoms, but I don't really want to rule out the possibility just because I have depression. And quite a few people with BPD also have problems with depression, don't they?
I should probably say again that I'm a teenager. I know that clinicians can be quite stringent on not diagnosing BPD before the age of 18 at least, and I'm fine with that. I understand that adolescence carries with it a whole lot of ups and downs and that my brain is still evolving itself and all, but I have been experiencing this sort of thing for quite a time now (well over a year) and all I'm asking is whether or not I should approach someone about the possibility of it. I thought I'd ask you lot, since most people here seem so kind and also knowledgeable about these things. I don't really know a whole lot about BPD so any insight would be greatly appreciated. So what do you think I should do?

Thank you for reading this long post (oops). Your opinion/advice is appreciated.
Please no negative comments.
4 Responses
Avatar universal
its very hard to offer advise

symptoms fit so many disorders

i have borderline but 10 or more others and they all act like each other

to the point in my older years they just treat bipolar and border the rest tend to fall in line

i would find a shrink maybe two get it all checked

i have self esteem and ptsd from jobs how i grew up

and abuse in middle school they thought behavior modification was locking you in a tiny dark closet all day no bathroom or food close to war treatment

got to walk home beaten up for peeing myself and so thirsty when i got out

i was told i was broke and other stuff so i never told my parents of all the abuse i got in school

so others may have ideas i say to many options just have to get checked and dont be afraid for second opinions

it took till i was 40 to start recovery 5 years ago

the swat team came to play and wife said enough i agreed

and started my road to recovery

5 years later its better my parents even say im better and different

they never say anything about that stuff 20 or more years now there happy

so good luck there's always hope and answers
Avatar universal
Hey dearie, just read your post and can't help but respond. I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 18. I was a cutter (arms and legs) which was triggered by depressions so deep that it felt like everything around me was a cardboard cutout of reality. Insomnia, self-isolation, severe issues with being in situations that were out of my normal routine, "risky behavior," the works. After several treatment attempts and unsuccessful medications, I gave up for a long time and just rode the storm the best I could.  Now I am receiving treatment for post traumatic stress disorder and panic disorder. My therapist would not accept the previous diagnosis, and told me "some thrapists are lazy, and when they come across a teen girl who is a cutter, they throw the BPD diagnosis at her, though BPD is only managable at best." This is not to say that BPD is untreatable, but it is an extremely difficult diagnosis. You needn't answer this here, but ask yourself if you fully meet all of the behaviors of BPD. If there are major BPD behaviors that just do not apply to you, like being promiscuous, or being able to turn your back on loved ones permanently without a feeling of loss, and if you have experienced severe physical, mental, or sexual abuse, you may be suffering from PTSD or PD. I am not a doctor, but I labored under the BPD diagnosis for years, and your therapist had better be damned sure before he applies that label to you. The main thing to realize is that yes, you DO need to seek out help! Whether you have BPD, PTSD, or anynother set of initials, this is something that ultimately cannot be dealt with on your own. It does not make you weak to get help. Just think of all the time you have spent feeling miserable, and remember, you can take your life back with some help! Best of luck, dearie! Things do get better, I promise you! And I am sorry, too, for my overly-long post! :-)
10040761 tn?1407688891
Thank you so much for your very helpful comment. Hmm yes I'll admit that questions have been raised about PTSD before (due to mental/sexual abuse and having gone through a series of earthquakes in my city), so it might be worthwhile talking things over with my therapist. Thank you again, I hope you are doing okay x
Avatar universal
I hope you are doing well, too!  As of right now I am taking Buspar with quite a bit of success, along with a short-acting anxiety med for breakthrough panic attacks. I DO NOT feel like a zombie, and my personality has not changed at all! I feel lighter, calmer, happier, and more in control, and my attacks, along with my depression, have subsided. Keep fighting, and get a therapist that you trust. And keep posting! Talking about everything will be difficult at first, but saying it out loud or writing it down will take the power away from the thoughts and from the past. You will get through this, I have no doubt!
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