I would suggest that you go see a doc ASAP. I have had BPD for over 30 years and my symptoms go up and down over the years. It seems to worsen when I have stress in my life, like moving or work change. I am not a professional, but it sounds like you need to go and talk to someone that knows this disease medically.
All things are accelerating beyond the point where we can comfortably control them. I suspect it's time for you to wake up, but you may not be ready for the truth. Your life is trying to tell you something, your body is trying to tell you something. Listen to it and ask it to let you in on this huge trauma. It's begging for attention and will continue to do so until it is heard.
Love and Light,
You have bpd from what you are describing but why do you have physical pain? That concerns me. Is this something that comes on when you are nervous or have problems or has it been continuing to happen? If you have been having muscle spasms and pain and have been taken antipsychotics you could have tardive dyskinesia. See a psychiatrist but have them refer you to a movement disorders specialist or a neurologist as well. Make sure you get both issues covered. It happenned to me and it can progress. If you have it you could still take Clozaril which can't cause it and there are new medications in development which won't as well. I'd say you need a referral to a neurologist or movement disorder specialist from a psychiatrist if you've taken medication
what is borderline personality disorder ?...i was diagnosted with it 5 yrs ago.....im not suer what it is exactly...i do cut myself when i get stresses is this y my doctor labeled me with BPD
Its hard to say from describing cutting yourself. I'd need to know more Self destructive behavior or self mutilation can be part of it but it also creates a whole change in personality, difficulties with relationships, often a person defining themselves through other people or the opposite. Its worth it to go to a support group for borderline personality disorder and network with other people. This link I found has information on bpd and support groups that might be worth checking out.
BPD, since it encompasses many emotional disturbances, has become kind of a catch all, easy diagnosis for therapists to give, to women esp. I think it's silly that they think you have a disorder just because you cut yourself. They all seem to think it's a cry for help or attention or a suicide attempt. Do you know why you cut yourself? It's usually a coping mechanism in some way.
Love and Light,
People can be overdiagnosed but self mutilation is harm within any belief system. Anyone would tell you that. Including feminists. If its a "coping mechanism" its a self destructive one. You are doing the harm your father did to you over and over. Regardless of what is going on with any form of mental illness in a real world sense that is what you are doing. You said you "wanted" to be harmed by him. Do not surround yourself with negativity. Seek help immediately. There are clinics for women who have been abused run by women. They would never tell you anything you did that was not "symptomatic" was. I support women's rights and I know bpd has been overdiagnosed but self harm is always destructive.
Acknowledging that I wanted to experience being harmed isn't being negative. It's rising above positive and negative and accepting that it just is and that's more than okay to do. I don't cut myself, by the by. I have before, in the past. Maybe if they could think of cutting as a way to cope they could figure out what is they are trying to cope with; getting to the root of the problem.
Well its important to understand where it is coming from and how to change it. Obviously talk therapy or constructive behavioral therapy (as opposed to aversive behavioral therapy which is abusive) can be can be two ways. Even any good psychiatrist would say that talk therapy must go along with medication. Medication is not meant to blunt emotions (if it has been misused for that in some people that's wrong, as well the new generation of antipsychotics I am under study for don't do that) and also even when a person is no longer in a psychotic state after taking an antipsychotic (when its warranted) that doesn't mean they will not have normal feelings if they were abused. I've seen people continue to engage in self abuse after psychiatric treatment. The two must go together. And yes there are some people who can benefit from therapy alone. Its a decision between consumer and provider. Its appropriate to share that you felt that you wanted to be harmed or that you used cutting in the past. But its equally important to share in a real world sense exactly what you did to get over that negative thinking and how so other people can.