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Borderline Personality Disorder Community
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1254191 tn?1269265558

Dissociation?

It's been around a year (or maybe more, I can't remember) to which i've had strange experiences.

I've had BPD consistently for a few years, during which i've also been diagnosed with depression and social anxiety disorder. Recently, my mood has been stable, although I feel incredibly empty at all times.
Every day I experience voices, but I can't distinguish them between a voice or thought.The sound is not very loud, but its presence is definetely there. I always hear various phrases or words people have said in the past, although a small percentage of the time I haven't heard anyone say it in my past. I commonly hear insults being directed at me, or i'd just hear parts of a persons conversation (usually I can guess the convo is about me). The voices/thoughts show up throughout random times of the day, but most commonly night.

I've also been smelling and tasting things (e.g cigarettes, inhaling cigarettes, alcohol, various aromas) to some extent. It doesn't feel literal though, it's the same feeling you have when you're in a dream and you're trying to sense things (but i'd experience it while perfectely awake aswell).
And whatever I smell/taste... It would always be something i've smelt/taste/seen in the past week. It's like my past is trying to come back to reality again, and because I feel like this, the present itself feels fake and it feels like everything (including myself) is part of a dream?
Everyday I'd also see black figures (they look like shadows) just walk across a wall (sometimes they're large, sometimes not), but it always happens on the corner of my eye (only rarely has it happened while I was looking directly at it happening).

My previous psychologists have said it's a natural part of stress, and I guess it makes sense but It's so frustrating and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm beginning to feel extremely depressed again, losing interest in absolutely everything (except for being with friends). When I'm socialising with friends i'd randomly drift off into a weird state without even realising it, but still being conscious of my surroundings. And my friends notice how I just sit there and stare off into nothing with a blank face, they'd try to make me "snap out of it" >.< While I'm in that "weird state" I either daydream or sometimes I detatch from my body (without realising - it feels like a dream, but I only recall very little, and i'd always feel like I had interacted with other people in another body).

I'd also have a strange time recognising peoples faces. For people i've known for years, I feel like I've just met them, and the people I meet for the first time it feels like i've known them for a lot longer than my friends i've actually known for years - This doesn't bother me too much but it could be something worth knowing.

Anyway I'd appreciate any advice on how to deal with this derealisation or whatever it is. I get sufficient sleep every night (at least 6-7 hours a night) and I have a proper diet, although I have been experiencing mild stress & random times of anxiety.
3 Responses
1254272 tn?1269272567
I understand what you are going through. Just do what I did I prayed to god and He has helped me with everything in my life so far.
1254191 tn?1269265558
No offence but I'm not Christian, I appreciate your help though.
585414 tn?1288944902
Derealization/depersonalization and dissociation can happen during severe anxiety attacks to some people with anxiety disorder but that's only one cause and this seems rather severe and it would be worthwhile to speak to a psychiatrist about. A psychologist does not have a medical degree and might not be able to be as helpful as a psychiatrist could. They would inform you what to do from there.
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