So I have BPD, and it has been a struggle even just to accept my diagnosis but what I wondering is how can you tell your doctor what medicine actually works for you, mentally if you have had a suicide attempt with said medicine. The most productive, healthy year of my life (with its own share of peaks and valleys) was about ten years ago or so, and I actually can look back and point at it all being as fulfilling and satisfactory due to my taking a daily benzodiazpine for that year. I hit a rough patch towards the end of this time period from working two jobs and somehow trying to maintain all the other spinning plates and I ended up waking up in the hospital after getting drunk and engaging in high risk behaviors (comorbidity *****) heavy drinking, drugs driving under the influence, if you know someone with BPD then you know what this looks like... anyways, I am not trying to write a Russian novel here, I am just wondering if anyone has had any luck with telling your doctor what works for you? I have since stopped drinking some time ago, and yes I know the risks of mood and mind altering substances... but how do you get meds that work for you, if you haven't actually ever been "prescribed" "legally" the right head medication? I really just recreationally tried lorazapam and it clicked, I know the risks of physical side effects, and for the whole year I took this medicine I only took one a day, never ordered those East Indian online "bars" where they just stack like five pills together (always seemed like too much) and I am not asking so it opens a drug dialogue where we compare war stories, I really was curious as to ways other people have dealt with the medicine issue when it comes to BPD.... I need head medicine AS WELL as DBT and cognitive behavior and self help groups and everything else that can help... my doctor now hasn't been that keen on just listening to me tell her what she should give me, in fact having BPD has seemed to cause lots of mental health professionals to not want anything to do with the whole disorder, not just me... I have been on most of the SSRI's and a whole host of other things... I took thorazine as prescribed (one of the lowest doses) for a few years, and I hate that with chemical imbalance its just a guessing game of what medicine will help... I stopped taking the thorazine derivative a few years ago (it felt very fugue,fog like mentally) but what I was wondering was what has seemed to "work" for other BPD's? I have talked to one other BPD about this, and their advice was dialectocal ... I got on the wait list for the only place that offers it in my area... its over six months long... I am just at my wits end because ... I mean, really why not just amazon myself something from Mexico, am I right???? (That was a joke, I actually would never do that, and certainly never write about it in a mental health public forum where Joe Friday could "just the facts" and all of a sudden I caught a RICO case .... does anybody have self prescribed medicine that works? Exercise and diet totally play a role, but I can't diet away a chemical imbalance... I guess documenting my cycles has helped... but just because I can track my "moon phase" with my period tracker app and can better prepare myself... I'm kidding I am just trying to use humor to deal with this horrible personality disorder that I would shave ten years, hell fifteen from the back end of my life if I could not be afflicted... if it was a matter of me chopping off a limb, and never having to deal with all that is BPD, I would gladly offer two... I added a dog tax cause well he's a two month old standard poodle puppy that my mom just got for her birthday named Sanity (Sane for short) and he is already sick of BPD...one last thing, does anybody else find lots of stigma from telling people about your BPD diagnosis? I am shocked when people try and diminish it, or flat out disagree with you... I have just started telling people it's bipolar (and maybe it is.... I mean they are such similar things... that's it, mind is made up I am getting some lithium and I am going to see if that helps... (one last dumb joke, with my luck it would be the perfect med and I would be right back to wrestling with ordering oversea's medicine with no FDA regulation... but with Lithium you can get it over the counter I am pretty sure, it's a type of salt if I am not mistaken...
